Anxiety Daily Check-In point #8

That reminds me, I need my melatonin gummy.

I DONATED PLATELETS IN SEPTEMBER. I RECEIVED A LETTER FROM THE RED CROSS ABT MY WBC (WHITE BLOOD CELLS).

WHITE BLOOD CELLS ARE AN IMPORTANT PART OF YOUR IMMUNE SYSTEM, HELPING YOUR BODY TO FIGHT OFF DISEASES AND INFECTIONS. IF YOU HAVE TOO FEW WHITE BLOOD CELLS, YOU HAVE A CONDITION KNOWN AS LEUKOPENIA.

I’LL BE GOING TO A HEMATOLOGIST SPECIALIST TO TEST FOR “AUTOIMMUNE LEUKOPENIA.”

I SPOKE TO THE NURSELINE THROUGH MY HEALTH INSURANCE AND IT DID HELP.

A FEW MONTHS AGO, I WAS HAPPY ABT NOT HAVING ENDOMETRIOSIS.

STAYING BUSY HELPS ME NOT WORRY. I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO VOLUNTEERING WITH A LOCAL UNHOUSED OUTREACH PROGRAM THIS MONTH.

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I can’t really feel my anxiety today. I don’t know if it’s there or not. Or if it should be. Ive been peeing out blood so maybe I should be a bit more worried then I currently am. I’ve had coffee and tea today but basically all I feel today is physical stuff.

I am feeling the anxiety but also feeling somewhat optimistic.

I'm feeling anxious, and I need to avoid politics. To me, politics = control, abuse, mind control, mind rape, judgement, discrimination, hate, divisions, punishments, and more. And when I say politics, I mean all parties (not just one). If I can be anti-political, I would. I'd join that "party," only, it would then become the antithesis of that which I'd be fighting against or standing for - in a non-combative, non-fighting way.

I'm anxious because I'm triggered. I'm sick of the education I received because all that knowledge (like those described in the Bible's book, Ecclesiastes) becomes burdensome, dreadful, intrusive, and whatever the opposite of peace is (perhaps chaotic). I don't need all that floating in my brain if I'm just going to be disabled and stew at home while others control what I'm defined as, what I should or shouldn't be doing in society, how long I deserve to live, how well I deserve to live, and more. I am anxious because I want to be free to be open to change and growth, but I feel knocked down.

So my check-in runs deep.

I wish I could turn back time and dissociate again. The problem with "healing" from dissociation - or even managing it - is feeling and being aware. I'm not ready for this. My anxiety and PTSD symptoms have only increased since I've managed my dissociation.

I'm now an anxious person all the time.

Wow - that's plenty of reason to have a high degree of anxiety. You sound like a person who keeps up with taking care of yourself and seeing your doctor regularly. Yet, unless you donated that blood, you wouldn't know about having too few WBCs. Good thing the Red Cross checks for stuff and lets donors know what they find. I hope the specialists you see can come up with an effective treatment plan.

I feel better these past few days even though I grieved all of last week. I guess if we don’t feel pain/discomfort then we aren’t growing. Right?

I'm anxious tonight. I just canceled my eye exam. I'm calling my GP in the morning and canceling my other appointment. I just feel overwhelmed. I don't want any appointments. I don't want to leave my house. I want to spend Thanksgiving alone cause I can't leave my house.

My anxiety is causing me to tip toe around everything & I'm trying to operate with my left brain for the uncomfortable things.

I made my eye appointment again. My mom will take me to my appointment. That way I can go. I feel better about it. I still don't want my GP appointment, but I will try.

I’m not sure why my anxiety sucks so much today. It was bad even before the coffee. Don’t ask why i drank the coffee then if my anxiety was already sky high. Because I don’t know myself why I did it. I tried eating straight up peanut butter since that often helps and it didn’t. I’m not anxious about anything in particular although I suppose I’m getting a bit nervous about Thanksgiving getting closer. But I honestly don’t know because everything was in check for days and now all of a sudden it’s not and I don’t get it.

I’m worried I have Covid but I mean, it’s not out of the question I am and have been showing quite a lot of the symptoms all week. But I think my headache right now is from mainly drinking Gatorade and no coffee. Coffee makes me anxious. Not having coffee gives me headaches. I can’t drink soda. Tea isn’t enough. Sometimes I can’t win with my anxiety.

- anything with caffeine in it makes me anxious, but it also gives me energy when I'm struggling with chronic fatigue and malaise. But it's still not good for energy, because then there's the crash later. Still, I love caffeine at times.

I've been anxious for many reasons - some that aren't even known to me.

(((safe thoughts and HEALING wishes, Mountaindewed - the good news is that if you have had Covid-19 for about a week with the symptoms you describe - which is "mild" in comparison to what the doctors consider "moderate" or "severe," believe it or not, you should be able to recover without the need for a hospital, though you should still get tested and at least be given one of the treatments for mild to severe, so that you can get better quicker and hopefully avoid long-covid)))

BTW, Mountain Dew was one of my favorite caffeine drinks - especially in high school. I always think about the good times - before I had fatigue problems - whenever I think about Mountain Dew. I'm reminded of that by your name, Mountaindewed. Sorry if that came out the wrong way.

No other way to say this - I feel terrible.

We just shared one of our major traumas in an email to our T. We're scare of how our T will react. We're scared of different parts finding out and feeling hurt.

We are also upset that the Fire inspectors need to come into our apartments in early December. We don't like anyone in our home, and we don't know if they will be wearing masks properly. There are too many antivaxxers and antimaskers out here, so when you require mask wearing, they will purposely wear it under their nose or so loose that it defeats the purpose.

We just ordered another air purifier, which will replace one that isn't working at its best. We figured that all the air purifiers will help when the 60-minute-or-less inspections are being conducted with the dirty inspectors' feet being all over my apartment as well as my storage unit down the hall. At least we'll have most things packed (as if we were moving, but we're not), and at least we will have double masks on (KN95 over an N95; I can walk a few miles and breathe in these double masks just fine for a period of 4 hours, if not longer, but it does get bothersome after 4 hours). There's no time frame, so it's anywhere between 8 a.m. and 6 p.m. There's no true way to air out the apartment, since there's only one window in the living room, but no windows anywhere else. It's almost like renting out a storage room loft instead of a true apartment. And it's way overpriced for us to have to deal with these inspections. I've never had to deal with these inspections at any of my previous apartments. It's so stupid out here. At least last year they put it off because of the pandemic. This year, they're acting as if the pandemic doesn't exist - and the entire state is still in a "crisis standards of care" status, meaning that most ICUs and hospital ER's are filled, so they will ask most emergency cases to be treated at home or in the parking lot or in some facility that isn't geared for emergency patients, thus spreading further staff infections, other communicable diseases, and more in otherwise sterile environments. It's sucks here!

I'm anxious cause my sister is going to my mom's tomorrow. I should go to but I don't feel like I have the energy for it. I'm scared to leave the house.

I’m pretty anxious right now. I’m not sure what to do. I’m in no mood to eat anything. Although it would probably help to eat something legit. I just had a plain English muffin for dinner.

I'm anxious tonight cause I stayed indoors all day. I wasn't doing well and I couldn't get any help. My mom made fun of me. No one understood. I was all alone all day.

Is anybody else ever surprised at just how horrible and terrifying it is when it comes to what anxiety can do to you?

I'm anxious all the time because I'm now a hermit. The only time I leave my apartment is once or twice a week to get mail and dump trash, or once in a great while to attend one of my medical appointments. I do everything else inside - my T appointments twice per week are all inside. I'm not even comfortable opening my front door. it's been like this since March 2020, when the pandemic started.

Prior to March 2020, I used to have general anxiety about being attacked on the street or in an Uber. It was hard for me to go out frequently between 2018 and 2020. I had a bad experience with an Uber driver that never stopped, and with a Lyft driver that kept their "meter" running, so it kept charging me more and more money, even after I was dropped off. I had to complain about both. Although I got refunds for both, it was enough for me to know back in 2018 that I wasn't safe. I wasn't assaulted, but I could so see how easily I could have been.

I have past traumas, too. Those make it harder for me to feel safe outside. If it's too quiet, then it's too easy for people to harm me and get away with it in broad daylight, when everyone is gone at work in suburban or rural areas. If it's too busy and crime-infested, then it's too easy for me to be a target of crime at night or when it's still dark outside in the morning. I literally don't feel safe anywhere outside anymore, especially after the pandemic hit.

It's hard for me to leave my apartment, too.