Friendship anxieties

Sometimes OafFish illness such as depression can make us feel that way about ourselves too. I know, I’m feeling down about myself too right now.

I don’t know the line between low self image and honest self assessment

Yes it is tricky and I find when I’m feeling low everything feels strongly like I must be these negative things I believe.

It’s hard when we lack strong social connections because we’re not getting feedback, just the loops in our brain.

It’s been a while since I posted here. I feel like my flaky friend has let me down at a time when I needed support.

This year has had a lot of challenges in my family, I’ve struggled with so much happening. I decided to apply for therapy and that’s started now, although I do feel in a better place I have felt irritated that this friend has not asked after me, or shown concern apart from initially (when they did appear supportive) and I’ve stopped making the first move. I feel like I need to take note and not be available if they do re-emerge.

I know the world does not revolve around me and my needs but I feel like a true friend would care.

I could’ve written this post myself except for the part about trying hard to not say the wrong thing at times.

I sometimes overshare with people when they talk wbout their problems too. I feel like we’re trauma bonding at times. I don’t do that as often as before though.

Anyways, why do you think that you struggle with friendships? I’m not sure why most people don’t want to be my friend.

Maybe it’s because I’m to shy, anxious & introverted. Maybe they can sense my depression & anxiety even though zi did tell them about my issues.

Maybe you haven’t met the right people yet. Have you tried joining meetup.com? It’s l free to join.

Finding good friends is hard too. It seems like a lot of people just want to socialize with other people on social mecia & thats good enough for them.

I am a good friend, so it kind of baffles me to why I don’t have more friends too. And eith the ones I do have, they rarely intiate plans with me.

Also, very few of them have introduced me to their other friends which hurts my feelings. My bff hsd lots of friends & I only met two of her friends. One of them being anpther anxious depressed lady who lives nearby.

She said that lady was contacting her to often do ehe tried to introduce her to me to get rid of her. She turned out to be a selfish user.l

I wonder if it’s possible that people can sense our loneliness or not?

Also, it’s better to have few to no friends then friends who try to control, use, manipulation & gossip about you.

Get a cat or a dog if you don’t have one maybe. Cats are better than most people, lol 😆

Why is it hard to relate to another INTJ? I’m one.

Thanks @jesyka I appreciate your reply.

I think I’m in a place where I no longer have the energy or motivation to reach out for new friendships. It’s complicated, but I do feel like the few good friends I have are gold standard, if that makes sense and I want to treasure those true connections. I don’t want to make myself vulnerable to find myself ghosted or an option in someone’s life as I have been.

My inconsistent friend emailed, it was long, all about them as it almost always is. I do like them but I don’t have the energy for this. I don’t want to be an after thought in someone’s life.

PS I do think cats are awesome - we can’t have pets unfortunately but I make friends with random cats in the street.

I strongly agree. We make time for people that matter, maybe not immediately but you remember them and let them know you think of them.

Maybe people don't know to communicate anymore, especially young people. They prefer to text or use Facebook or whatnot, not actually talking to someone. And it's easy to ghost people with technology. Yet, because of it, it's easier to track down or find someone, much so than it was before all this technology. I remember printed phone directories. If someone was unlisted, you couldn't just look them up online and find a number.

I've stopped making the initial contact or doing the follow up now. I'm fed up and wish somebody would think of me for a change, and be the one to send ME a message or call ME instead of me having to do it first. All I get is political scam texts so I've turned off notifications on that. It's disheartening to just get those.

Thanks Owl

Yeah I get that, it sucks to be always the one to reach out. I’ve decided I won’t do this anymore too. It’s emotionally draining.

My inconsistent friend stepped up contact again after I went quiet. It seems like a pattern. But I’ve decided if I lower my expectations of them it doesn’t bother me nearly as much.

Sometimes people do step up if I go quiet, but if that's what it takes I don't want to be bothered. That's not a real friendship.

Many years ago I thought I was keeping in touch with former co-workers, BUT unless I called them, I never talked to them. They never called ME. After awhile I stopped calling, and I never heard from them. Good riddance. In hindsight, it was the right call.