[annoyedgrunt84]

Because I hit him once. This is easily one of my deepest shames and I am terrified of the response that I will get from people on this, I know people love animals. I have reached out to a new therapist, and I want to talk about this among other issues but I am really scared to make this admission. I love him to be sure but he has a really anxious temperament and there is no way to take back what I did, which is the worst part.

[Yaowen]

When I was much, much younger I spanked my puppy very hard. I still regret that.

I am an animal lover so this was so out of character for me. I was young and immature and worn out when this happened. Today I even walk carefully so as not to step on ants and I try to help animals whenever I can. I am moving towards becoming a vegetarian too.

We have free will but it isn't infinite. It is often restricted by obstacles from our past, our upbringing, our fears, strong emotions, even stress and fatigue. These block the full exercise of our free will. What diminished voluntariness diminishes freedom and what diminishes freedom diminishes responsibility.
'
It wasn't like you sat down calmly and after much thought and reflection chose to hit your cat. So it is not like you "willed" that action from the deepest part of your being and did it with all your mind, heart, strength and soul.

Circumstances had a lot to do with what you did. And I'm sure you did and do thousands of little and big nice things for your cat.

Because of you, your cat is not a stray, not living on the streets facing terrible circumstances and dangers.

The fact that you regret what you did shows that your actions were not done with full knowledge, awareness and free will. Sometimes we exercise part of our free will but not all of it.

Sometimes the unfortunate things we do lead us to become people.

One of my heroes is Oskar Schindler. He rescued thousands of people from the Holocaust. But early in his life he was a spy for the Nazis. He regretted that and became a better person, a Holocaust rescuer.

I think you are a good person with the good heart. I hope you can find it in yourself to be merciful to yourself.

The kindness, understanding and mercy we owe to others, we also owe to ourselves. To be a truly loving person, one cannot hate oneself. We cannot be truly loving people if we love others but hate ourselves.

If you met a person who hit a cat, I'm sure you would try hard to be understanding and compassionate. So I hope you will find ways to be able to be that way toward your self someday.

I really empathize with you and wish I knew what to say that would help you. My heart goes out to you.

Yao Wen

[Skeezyks]

Assuming you have a skilled therapist, s/he will understand.

[annoyedgrunt84]

People on these forums are so much kinder than my sorry ***** deserves.

What I did when I got my abused angel cat Ebony, was I gently re introduced her to the things she found traumatic, I started off leaving the scary items where she could see and smell them without me touching them (her previous owner had hit her hard enough to break her ribs) then let her overcome her fear as much as she was able to at her own pace

One thing that worked for some of the anxious rescues at the place I volunteered at as a 18 year old years ago was interactive cat toys, just a idea

[AliceKate]

You can't change the past, only the future. I agree with the others.

[AzulOscuro]

Who in his right sense is gonna trust people?
I wouldn’t do it, either.
You know kitties are very vulnerable so they are defensive towards people. They do it well. The problem is up to people. How they behave with your kitty? Do they know how to treat with him/her?

As long as (s)he trusts you who are the one who lives with him/her, it’s fine.
You had a bad time and you made a mistake and what it means beside all the care you are giving your kitty. Nothing.
Kitties are like that, they have to protect themselves. I wouldn’t make a big deal of a punctual bad moment you had. You know it’s not gonna repeat.
I’m sure your kitty loves you tons. 😀

[Apogee]

Please confide in your therapist. I think doing so will ease your burden and help you observe your behavior from a different angle. Personally, I've had dogs, cats and farm animals for over 60 years. While I've never abused any of them, I've been harsh sometimes. Although I've cared for my animals well, even sometimes putting their needs before mine, I have an issue of ruminating about whether or not I cared for my animals good enough over the years. If you only hit kitty once and haven't made hitting him a habit, I suspect he isn't afraid of you at all and loves you because you are "his person." I wish you and kitty much happiness.

[MuddyBoots]

The fact that you're ashamed about it is actually a great sign. It shows you've changed. You can't undo the past, yes, but from now on you have the choice to treat your cat in the best way you can, and discussing this with a therapist can help you move on.