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Biba_yu
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Default Apr 29, 2024 at 04:46 AM
  #1
I admit I am hypochondriac. I have enormous health anxiety, I live in constant fear. I am not even that scared of dying. I don't want to, but I am aware all that all that lives has to die, that's nature.
Most terrifying to me are neurological diseases. When I heard about als my anxiety went sky high, I think I wil never recover from that, I wish I have never watched that damn movie about this disease.
I get twitches from time to time, for years now. They appear on various places and last from a day to weeks to even months. I can't even accept them like something that happened already so "it happens". They are always different! They appear on different parts on my body, they are different in the strenght, frequency, size, triggers... I can't stop obsessing and I know it's ruining my life!
I had obsession first time circa 7 years ago when I got twitching on my right thumb. At first, I was just worried but went to the neuroogist in hope of reassurance. She said that it "doesn't look good" and I should do the EMG but it could actually be "start of ALS". That triggered an avalanche of the worst fears in my mind, I was on the werge of doing something very bad to myself.
Luckily, 7 weeks later the twitching stopped after physiotherapy because I was diagnosed with some tendon issues. But it didn't end there.
I got them on my lower quads, 3 weeks, mild ones, occassional, then on left tricep, very constant, 3 weeks again. Then lef thimb, then lip, even shoulder (this one lasted 3 months and I had another EMG!).
Each time it was hell for me, I felt alone, depressed, in constant fear, obsessed with death in terrible pain and disease that robs you of every single movement, even breathing and then it kills you. What's worse, no one knows what causes it and it's 100% deadly. And I have no one to take care of me if I am sick or can't move. No one!
After all that sufferring I noticed lately a new twitching. On my left knee, on inner side it's occassionall but looks widespread unlike before which were all localized. On outer side of knee it's constant and very visible. Of course, this one looks nothing like those before and it looks worse and more insiduous because it's not localized as before, it's more spreading and it's pretty constant. I am in deep deep darkness again.
I can't live like this anymore1 I am tired of putting myself through this hell! I am on meds which don't help except to help me to sleep. Doctors usually put me through tests and I am very scared of results every time! I can't can't live like this anymore.
I tried therapy, I tried meds, I tried to live healthy, I have a job, hobbies, I do a lot of things, nothing helps! People don't like me. I am aware I will die alone, but I don't want to die that way. I just can't I don't know what to do.
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SquarePegGuy
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Default May 07, 2024 at 08:13 PM
  #2
I agree. I think neurological diseases are very scary.

My father had ALS, @Biba_yu. I don't recall that he had any twitching whatsoever. The one and only symptom was progressive muscle weakness, which started at his extremities and worked inwards.

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Default May 15, 2024 at 04:21 AM
  #3
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Originally Posted by SquarePegGuy View Post
I agree. I think neurological diseases are very scary.

My father had ALS, @Biba_yu. I don't recall that he had any twitching whatsoever. The one and only symptom was progressive muscle weakness, which started at his extremities and worked inwards.
I am so sorry to hear that. Neurological diseases are horrible, especially since they rob you of movement or your ming, and a lot of them are deadly and totally incurable.
I have a raging fear eveer since I saw a movie about woman who got als and it was maybe 15 years ago. It got me so hard. Now I have twitches everywhere and probably subjective slight weakness, and my mind can't stop the fears. I do not know what to do anymore, this anxiety is ruining my life.
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Default May 15, 2024 at 08:18 PM
  #4
I hope you will seek out a mental health professional to treat the anxiety. It might be the reason why you're twitching!

I recall that my doctor made a comment about some red blotches on either side of my face. He said they had the appearance of Lupus. So I mentioned this to my mom. (I was in my early 20s and still living at home at the time.) She said that I didn't have Lupus -- it's a very serious condition. Then she pulled out a letter from someone she knew who had Lupus. The writer described all kinds of awful symptoms, and I started to freak out. My mother intended to allay my fears, but instead she intensified them.

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Default May 19, 2024 at 10:14 AM
  #5
It's a horrible, deep rabbit hole. Once I googled the symptom, of muscle twitching and found out it could be a symptom of deadly and horrifying disease, I think I became mentally ill. This is the problem with internet. It could be used for good or for bad. As much as I tried to rationalize it didn't work. At first it was twitching in one spots, on various places at different times. Even that freaked me out. But later when I calmed down and realized that happened before and went away, it started with more vile widespread literal fasciculations even on my face and on both feet. Not just one spot, but whole little explosions of twitching over whole muscle. That is different and now I am deep in that rabbit hole and I am really afraid I can't live like this anymore. Being sick or not this is destroying my life.
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Default May 19, 2024 at 08:27 PM
  #6
If a dear friend looked up a symptom and assumed he or she had the worst possible prognosis, how would you respond to that person?

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Default May 19, 2024 at 09:03 PM
  #7
There are so many things it can be. My psychiatrist prescribed me Topamax in 2000 as a mood stabilizer but as a side effect it stopped twitches i had for my entire life. It was never diagnosed, even though it once happened right in front of this same dr and he asked me what it was! My whole body shook. I said, "thats my shiver, it happens sometimes." Google says it might be Jacksonian March, a mild epilepsy. If i try stopping the med, i get leg twitches at night.
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Biba_yu
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Default May 21, 2024 at 07:51 AM
  #8
Thanks for reply but what I have are not shivers, they are fasciculations, or maybe myokymia, I can't tell them apart. The diffrence is, those are involuntary movements of parts of muscle so you can't do it voluntarily. For example, you can't make a dimple or wave in your mucsle, especially in multiple places, those are fasciculations. And they are scary.
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Default May 21, 2024 at 08:13 AM
  #9
Mine were also involuntary. I called it my shiver because i didnt have another name for it.

But since youve already been diagnosed, im sorry and best of luck.
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