[inkblot]

I learned this acronym from a guy I used to work with several years ago. FUBAR, for those who don't know, basically stands for (Screwed) Up Beyond All Recognition. My car--my home--died. I know that the battery is fried (it smoked), but there is quite possibly more. There could also be altinator involvement and/or something may have short circuited after being jumpstarted this last time. I heard somthing that sure sounded like short circuiting. It wouldn't hold a jump, then after the last one, died just over an hour later. I was up all night long Friday night and didn't sleep till I crashed for a very deep hour long nap at a motel Saturday night. I didn't even hear my phone ring 6 inches from me. I woke and fussed about the car for several hours, then later slept the night. The police were with me for part of this. They know my homeless situation and they are really sweet. I feel like I owe them chocolate chip cookies or something. I'm staying in a motel this weekend. Not that I can afford it with these car problems, but I don't know what else to do! I am * Really Freaked * by this! I don't even have the car towed yet. With all these sudden extra expenses, I won't be able to spend the night with my kids this next weekend. I won't even be buying them lunch. I might take them to the park for an hour or two, I really don't know what will happen. I can't afford anything. Who know's how much it could cost to get the car fixed! It has extended warranty which is good, but that's not to say I'll be so lucky this time, especially with the battery involvement. I have to cancel a job interview for Monday that's in the North Shore, and I had to cancel an appointment with my T Saturday morning. I really wanted to talk to him, too!! It would have been expensive on the cash price, but probably worth it. Now with these car problems, I don't know if I can afford to go back and reschedule. I'm starting all this other therapy type stuff now, and that's something else that has been scaring me, which is why I wanted to talk to him so bad. I had dropped off a note to him last Thursday night telling him that I'd be in Saturday and that I was really scared about these other thing, my eating attitudes were affected, I'd been bulimic. I even used the "B word" (bulimia) in the letter. I'd never been so direct with him on things as in that note. It was 4 pages long, plus 1 more, a photocopy of the business cards of all the other people I'd met recently that I wanted to talk to him about. And then I couldn't even get to the appointment! I am really scared about so much right now. Living, money, car, everything!!!! I am so scared! Very emotional everytime I think about it. I try to distract myself and I kind of feel numb. I am walking everywhere right now. I walked about 4 miles to go to church this morning hoping it would be a distraction and got several blisters. I wish I had internet at this motel. I'm not sure if I'll be at chat Tuesday night, because I'll have to walk about 3 miles to the motel, but maybe. I might be desperate for chat. I'd love to cry right now, but I'm in public. I hide my emotions.

[ALi26]

I wish I could give you a big hug. I will keep you in my prayers.

[Fuzzybear]

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