I WANT A TEENAGER LIFE,...I WANT A LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!

I'm so sick of myself. I've been staying busy for weeks now, almost daily. I'm worn out, I tried to get out alot do to my docs saying it'd be "good" for me. If anything its made me feel worse. I mean I see other teens, have a couple a relationship, they have sex, do the drugs, and have a good memory to look back on to regret. I HAVE NO REGRETS OTHER THEN NOT REGRETING! I want to be normal I want love, I want a good time, I want something!!!!!!!!????? What is that??????? God,...I'm so so close! I'm so far away from you tho.....why does this world want rid of me!!!! I need you all! I need me! I need love!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NO matter how much im told i'm young this brain of mine is ANCIENT its full of horrible memories.......its full of %#@&#! timmes........its full of so much pain. I WAKE UP SCREAMING! I was at a friends woke him up screaming, and crying WHY GOD WHY??!!!!!

WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

That's really good that you were able to get out more, Moonkin.

Getting out helps if it connects you with others, but it doesn't sound like it happened that way for you. Still, it was a good try to see what happened if you did; now, you can tell your doctor about how it went and how you felt about it.

Busy can be fulfilling or it can be a distraction or both. How was it for you? What would make it better?

There are a lot of normal teenagers that enjoy a couple relationship WITHOUT Sex, WITHOUT Drugs, & without having to do things they will look back & regret. Why in the world would you want a negative life rather than a normal positive teenager life. Setting your own values to live by are the most important thing & in setting those boundaries, that is when you attract like people who enjoy the same boundaries & values.....those are the people you would want to have a normal teenage life with.

It's hard to hear that what you are going through is normal for your age.....it is frustrating, makes one angry.....especially when the mind is wanting to be through all this junk that it takes to grow up. Unfortunately, life is like climbing stairs...it takes one step at a time & when we try to skip some, we usually trip ourselves & land on our ???????.

I have lived through things I haven't wanted to deal with....I have horrible memories that haunt me. That to is just part of living....we all (no matter what age) have to deal with things like that. Time passes & so do the things we are dealing with at the time....on to other things we have to deal with in the future....some may even be worse....but some may be so much better that we are glad we made it through what we went through. The things we go through are also important because they give us the groundwork (foundation) to build the rest of our lives on. What you are going through is a very positive part of life & even though you wish it were more exciting....more things for you to regret later on......it is what it is for you to learn from & help you figure out yourself with.

Hope this makes some sense.....only because even at my age, some of these things are things I have thought in the recent past of my life too.
You aren't alone,
Debbie

when I wrote this I wasn't thinking..I dont want sex,drugs, alcohol I just envy others...when I shouldnt....ty all for repliying.

Praying for your peace Moonkin. Keep your doc informed and keep working with him/her to find ways to cope and live your dreams. It will happen Moonkin. You must keep that hope and claim those dreams. The journey isn't easy but you will laugh and love and know happiness in your life. It will come because you clearly have the desire, determination and courage. Don't give up on yourself or your dreams. Fight harder cuz you are worth it. Yes, its rough and its painful but don't let that defeat you. You are a survivor.

All the best Moonkin. Keep us posted. We are here for you. Do you attend any support groups with other kids your age. Might be useful to learn you are not alone even among your peer group.

moonkin its hard to belive but things will get better.... i know its easy to say that.. and trust me i know it hard to belive sometimes ..but please belive it..... thinking of u and know that im here for u.. if i can help in anyway let me know

You won't be a teenager forever. Begin making plans on what you want as an adult, and what you need to do and learn by then. Things won't always be this way.

Moonkin,

It will all come together in time....I know how frustrating that can be....I remember as a child, I always thought beyond my years....& always wanted to be older than I actually was because I thought that way & couldn't understand why it wasn't true. I remember at thirteen, wanting my own apartment & my own life & thought I was quite capable of taking care of myself. At sixteen, I still felt that way, only even more.

You are looking into yourself & trying to put all your thoughts together. What you are going through is very good & you should be very proud of yourself that you have thoughts about what you want for your future. People that don't go through the thinking process that you are struggling with have a much harder time later in life & don't know why.....you are doing the work necessary for a good life down your path.....but we all know it takes time to walk a path....one step at a time.....but you will get there & the reward at the end will all be worth it.

You are ok....don't listen to that voice that says anything different,
Debbie

Wow Thank you all!!!! Thank you Debbie,skittles,sky,fuzzy,choc, and echoes!!!! Thank you so much for your support!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

It's cuz we know how it feels. On both ends. To be in the pit and to feel the love. The love helps hey? We are all here because it is good medicine to connect with people who understanding the emotional pain you describe. Sook in the medicine and make the most of every good day.

Here's a suggestion: turn off your computer for a few days and see what happens.
My guess is you will find a way to cope by dealing with reality.
Most people do.
It's part of growing up...it's easier for some and harder for others but guess what....we all do it.
It's time to try it.