[lenjan]

Oh, god. It's closing in on 10:30 p.m. and I am about to turn off the puter and the lights and snuggle up tight .... and set the alarm ... so I can go back to work Monday, my first day there since Nov. 17, thanks to some hospital time and a 2-week pdoc-instituted "vacation" at home.

I am remarkably well rested, for all my time off , but I'm afraid I'm going right back into the situation I left that got me in the shape I was in. So I've had some extra time with a zillion shrinks and got some of my meds upped. Grand.

But nothing at work has changed -- it's all the same people, and my boss, who was largely the cause of all this crap in the first place -- I don't know what to expect from her anymore. We clearly don't have the relationship I thought we did, so I don't know what's real anymore, or what to expect, and I HATE that.

And I'm going back into this totally poisonous atmosphere where everybody is freaked out over what's going to happen when the new "big boss" starts after New Year's. Is he going to clean house? What are the odds of all of us still having jobs by February? How's he going to run the place? It's scary enough dealing with that, but to go back to the same sniping and backbiting and cliquishness and everything else that exists there -- I don't know if there's enough Klonopin in the world to get me through it.

And, I don't have any sleeping pills, darn it. But I do have a nice relaxation CD, which I am going to put into my Walkman and hope it works. Wish me luck!

Candy

[SpazKatt]

* wish you the best of luck* !!!

[colors]

Dear Candybear,

We all wish you luck. We think you are such a sweet person. One of the sweetest on the site, and most talented.

Monday will come and go, and this time next year you will be ever so happy! Think positive, and remember it is her not you that is in the wrong. Just let your positive personality show thru and you will win the day!

Best Wishes for a Happy Day!
Colors

[Mahali]

Candybear,
The best of luck to you!

place

[(JD)]

((((candybear)))) good luck (I'll take good luck over skill any day)

Try and breathe. Try and remember that this is THEIR problem and doesn't require YOU to fix them or their stuff...

Remember the sign: Procrastination on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.

Rearrange the thought for your situation. Rise above them... it's their problem...

Golly I hope you have a good day.

[allautumn]

Good luck to you! Take some deep breaths.

[Myzen]

Hi Candy,

I know it's easy to give advice, sometimes too easy. My feeling is that you just have to go through the motions in this job, try not to get entangled in the bad vibe. I know it's easy to say.

On a side issue - you quoted Camus! I have all Camus' writing including his 'Carnets', (a kind of philosophical and personal journal). Camus has been a great inspiration to me for years, so approachable and courageous in his writing. A spunky guy.

I liked when he said (paraphrased from memory) "There is no difficulty which cannot be surmounted by scorn") I take this to mean that you don't have to give in, even in the darkest place.

His last journal, on his celebrity tour to South America, shows up his struggle with illness (TB) and he is not afraid to tell it how it is.

It's always nice to share a favourite writer.

Good thoughts to you, Myzen