Not again!

I've been doing really good. I've consciously stopped the bad thoughts when they come most of the time. Ok, there's been a time or two that they've just hit me with no warning and I've been down. But I've gotten back up. It's Friday--I really think it should be called "Lonelyday" or "sittinghomecryingday". The girls will be going to a sleepover at karate tonight--I should enjoy the peace and quite and take some time for me. That's the advice I'd give. Do what? Bake? I just made apple bread. Cook? I'm making bean soup. Read? I do that every night before I go to sleep. Crochet? I can't do that anymore because of my fingers. Clean? Done. Mow the yard? It'll be dark. Go to Borders? Gas too expensive and I'll spend money I don't need to. I've been emailing M for a week to say I'd be alone and haven't heard from him. Don't even know if he checks his email. My cousin invited to go watch hs football game with him. I would, but it's cold and cold makes me hurt. I just want to cry. Ok, too late. Crying. Not sobbing yet, but I just feel like "why can't someone want to be with me?" I don't have any girlfriends, I don't--because of my position--hang out with people at work. And that's ok. I'm not a huge people-person-social type person. I just don't know why I can't be worth being someone's "special someone". I know this should be in depression forum but it makes me feel so anxious, like I can't sit still because if I sit still the sadness will catch me (stupid), my stomach feels like twisted. Just sad, and trying to believe the positives and not let the negatives win. Going to my fuzzies world to cry.

I hear you and feel for you

(((((((((((((( cantstopcrying )))))))))))))
I am sorry that you are so lonely, you are definately worth being someones "special someone ". I used to not have any friends besides my family, I joined a group therapy group and have made some friends through that, really helped me realize that I have stuff in common with other people. I also have psychcentral to thank for making new friends, it makes me more outgoing and I feel better about myself because I am here. I hope things get better for you soon, I am sending you lots of hugs and wishing your anxiety away.

CSC, I found that I didn't have any close friends because deep inside that was the way that I wanted it. I have made a lot of progress uncovering these reasons and then dealing with them. Close friends just don't show up at your door. You have to find those who you can be close to and then work on the relationships. I found myself hanging out with women who I really couldn't get close to and when I met someone who I could get close to I would run....

CSC, I wish I had wise words for you!
You are in my thoughts for more peace to fill your heart...

Perhaps next time you know that you'll have an evening alone, you can make some special plans...nothing super-dooper grand but something that would give you pleasure.
Sometimes I find that if I don't plan a bit ahead then I'll run into the same feelings of loneliness and my mood will spiral downward in a heartbeat.
It doesn't always work, but many times it can.

hope you feel better soon
Cap

((((csc))))

dear can't stop,

the people who answered before me said all the smart stuff, so i'm writing to tell you i do care and that lonely feeling is just the pits. it doesn't have to stay that way. we care about you very much. PM me if you need to vent, i can listen. survival forced me to walk alone - it was safer back then. now that my heart is more open and willing, i find that i don't know very well how to be sociable and friendly.
but, people around here are still nice to me and seem to like me. come back, talk, vent, it'll get better.

leslie and pixies

((((csc))))