Need some good thoughts

Tomorrow I am going on a business trip to Boston for the weekend. It's great because the meeting is only 5 hours long and I get to be there Friday, Saturday and part of Sunday. I used to live just outside of Boston and while there are happy memories with my neighbors there, there are some really bad memories there that trigger such anxiety. I have decided that I will tour Boston with fresh eyes this time, eyes that are not looking out through fresh pain. But it's hard. No kidding, right? I'm going to be going with someone from work, so I'm not going to be able to break down and cry and shake, so that's extra motivation. I am going to be able to see my old neighbors, whom I love dearly, so I'm excited about that, but I don't leave until tomorrow and I've started shaking and getting nervous. I woke up last night--this morning actually--with chest pain, jaw and arm pain (been there, it's not a heart attack) and now the pain is right at the base of throat by my chest. It's a lump and I just can hardly swallow. Anyways...sorry, rambling. Happy halloween and All Saints Day to those who celebrate. I'm hoping to have access in the hotel to the internet, but if not then I won't be around till Sunday night or Monday and I just wanted to gather all the good thoughts I can before I leave. Thank you all for your love, caring and strength.

(((((((((((canstopcrying)))))))))))))

You can do this, positive thoughts! If you need some more positive thoughts print off the positive thoughts you give me everyday here at PC.

Trust yourself.
You Can do it.
Enjoy your self.
You are worth it.

Love
Purple

Oh thank you! Actually, I did print off one of the first ones I put in your place, that looks like a brick wall but has good words on it! Either I'll make it just fine or I'll devour so much chocolate I'll weigh too much for the plane to fly back!! Thank you!

You will do just fine. When you want to eat chocolate try to do something else like take a walk or maybe enjoy some refreshing water with lime or maybe just have a little piece instead of a big piece and you will get thru this you just have to have faith in yourself and know that we all have faith that you will get thru this -

Have a good and safe trip ((((((((((marci))))))))
I like your attitude of seeing things with fresh eyes and yes it will be hard... but I know you have it in you to breath and think, "that was the past, this is the present and I'm going to make it want I want it to be" and try and think of good memories... and create new ones
take good care of yourself


Molly

(canstopcrying)))))))))))))))))))))))) going home can be a very hard thing
that i understand
remember the good memories if you can...
remember we are all with you on this trip
put us in your suitcase
please know I care and do understand
remember we are all with you
muffy

I hope no one minds flying cuz you are all going in my carry-on....I mean, what would I do if my luggage were lost? Then you guys would be who-knows-where and I'd be without you!! Thank you all so much!!

(((( cantstopcrying )))) Sending good, positive thoughts your way. I hope you have a safe and enjoyable trip to Boston.

Thank you! I'm going to try my best. I'm using silver_moon's negative thought banishing fairy she gave me and all of you are coming with me!!

(canstopcrying)))))))))))))) can i ride with you
maybe in carry on......you know i am a lamb I will be quiet

we will all be with you ((((((canstopcrying))))))))))))))))))

Absolutely!! We even have a window seat!! If you're real still you could be my "stuffed" lamb.

... you've put a smile on my face hope it lasts

take good care

...and I don't mind flying, but I'm claustrophobic lol

sending good thoughts, huge hugs and pleasant wishes your way...

Update: I am in Boston and doing fairly well. I had a really big anxiety/flashback thing while on the T (the transit subway). Stupid to think that something bad enough could have happened on a subway to make bad memories, but I started shaking, had a hard time breathing, was sweating and trying sooo hard not to cry. It was jam packed with people and thank God there was still a rational part of my brain left that made me focus on the people, I started looking from one to the next to the next, imagining where they came from, where they were going, what they had in their bags, stuff like that. It worked! I didn't cry and soon I was ok. You guys, I did it!! Don't break out the cupcakes yet, because we went to Paul Revere's house and to the Old North Church in the square there I honest to goodness looked around and excpeted to see T (not t like therapist) standing there yelling at me. I looked around and saw all the little kids in their halloween costumes and one--only one--tear fell down my cheek, but that's ok because it was really windy so I blamed it on the wind. I can't believe what Boston looks like when I can look at it without having to worry if one of us will say something "wrong" or if someone bumps into him or if one of the kids gets tired, or my heart starts racing and I have to sit down. The places look familar but so different--it's like someone put a fresh coat of paint on them. (Ok, now I'm crying!) There's still a couple places I absolutely can't go, but the memories are so bad I don't want to go anyway, so it's all good! 5 hour meeting then we're off to Boston Common, Harvard & MIT and I don't know what else. Sunday my friends are picking us up, touring a bit and then taking us to the airport. Why am I crying now when I did so good? I guess for everything that happened in the past. No more. I'm going to finish my apple and vegetate happily in this huge, soft king size bed!! Thank you all so much!!!!

Please feel free to continue the good thoughts, though, cuz I'm stressing a little now the day is done.

Awwwww I am so so SO happy and VERY PROUD of you ... you're probably crying because you worked so hard all day and exhausted.
Try not to stress... it's understandable, but try and think of all you've achieved today.
Oh and I like how you coped on the subway... good thinking, I may try that.
Enjoy the rest of your stay, take care of yourself and remember that we're all thinking of you.

I really admire your ability to ground yourself, by looking at the people on the T one by one, in the midst of intense anxiety. What do you think about that? I think you are really very strong and very smart!

I hope the rest of your trip brings you pleasant memories

Hi Can!!!!!

Just read your post!! One of THE Best things you can do is to totally DISTRACT yourself, pack your agenda with some work & then tons of FUN w/ old friends, buddies treat yourself to some of you favorite stores but keep SO busy - that Your beautiful head doesn't have time to have a minute to think about past events. Live For TODAY, NOW, In This Present Moment, that is what is Here & Now, that is Truth. This Moment only. Treat Yourself Great, You are so Precious.

Love YOU.
Holmes

Oh you are such an angel!! Thank you so much!! You help me so very much!!

Awesome job of grounding yourself to the here and now ((((((((((( cantstopcrying )))))))))))))))) !!!

This is a wonderful and huge step for you along your journey....and you don't have to be perfect to get through it ya know?

I'm yelling out my window in NH towards Boston....can ya hear me???


sabby

Hey, I heard you! That's some set of lungs you've got!! Thank you very much. I didn't do so good today. I wanted to stay in as I'm really, really sore, but I didn't want to keep my co-worker from going out and I didn't want her to go out alone. She wanted to go to the Galleria and even though the T ride there passes a couple huge, huge triggers for me and the Galleria itself is one, I agreed. I froze on the T. I didn't notice I was crying until a passenger asked if I was ok. That kind of snapped me back to here and now but it hurt. And I really did good at the Galleria--some of the same things aren't there now, so that helped. Anyway, rambling on when I really wanted to say thank you very much!!

OK everyone, make sure you pack up all your stuff tonight, heading back tomorrow. Muffy, you have to pretend you're a stuffed lamb again for the flight home. Thank you all for making the trip for me and helping through it!! I couldn't have done it without you. (ok, I could have, but I would have a terrible, fat, crying, hysterical mess!!) Thank you all again!

hey, where are you from in MA? I grew up outside of Boston, near Lowell, went to Northeastern for college. I lived near Kenmore for a long time, then in Somerville after I met my husband.

I haven't actually been back to the city in a long time. we moved to los angeles almost ten years ago. I go see my family for holidays and stuff, but that's not Boston. for a while i would always try to make it back to the city and it was interesting to see how my perspective changed.

i saw a therapist for a short time, just before i left, and she said I would miss it a lot for a while and then gradually it would stop seeming like home. i found that really hard to believe, but it was true.

I'm not from MA, I lived in S Weymouth on base for a year. Can't go to Somerville...bad things for me there.

well, you're not missing much, that's for sure

sorry for assuming you were from there. I was kind of excited to meet a fellow ma**hole.