[ScaredSad]

What if instead of being paranoid, you just ignored everything? Then, one day, you found out all the things you should have been worried or anxious about had actually come to pass. Well, that's my today and my right now.

Last week, I saw an ad for a job at my old internship site. Friend X left the job to take another position. I had trained Friend X on the old site.

Three conversations with my old supervisor and she still hasn't mentioned the opening to me even though she knows I'm out of work and facing eviction this month. I really thought she'd offer or at least mention it.

We chatted and I had told her about the best interview I have ever had and how I was hoping that they would call me back about a position.

Now, my supervisor saying that Friend X got that job. To replay, I helped Friend X get an internship, trained her, she got that job when they were hiring (I'd already accepted another position) and then, she gets another job that I had fingers and toes crossed for over the last few months.

I'm not at all mad or jealous, I love Friend X to death and she's awesome but I'm sad and I'm confused... and now, I'm finally paranoid.

What is going on? What am I doing wrong? I've NEVER had trouble getting a job, NEVER. when did I become such a bad judge of how I'm doing in the world?

So, I'm worried that I'm secretly blacklisted. That everyone knows I suck at life and that's why they aren't hiring me. I don't think I've changed or done anything differently. If anything, I'm better qualified now than the last time I looked for a job. I wasn't fired or a bad employee and never had bad recommendations that I know of... I just don't understand.

I'm losing this battle this time. Thanks for listening.

[gimmeice]

(((((((((((( ScaredSad )))))))))))))
I am sorry that you are going through this it must be very hard. My thoughts on reading your post is that if you would have been worrying about these things would that have really changed anything? I don't really see how it would have helped you find that positive outcome, you probably would have been struggling with this much anxiety the whole time and that would not have been productive.
It sounds like you are very qualified for a job, I hope that you find something soon.