Small Talk

So my task from my psych for the next few weeks is to engage in small talk with people like cashiers or shop owners, etc. Anyone have any ideas? I have social phobia, so preferably something real easy.

Thank you.

I had to do a similar exercise a few years back and I found the cashiers at the local grocery store or the post office safe and very easy to have small talk with..... even if it is just for a minute at a time.

For topics, a simple "how are you?" can quite often strike up a conversation. Oddly, it helps if the person is having a bad day...gives them something to talk about. Also the weather is an easy one, if something unusual is going on.

Just try to go with the flow of the conversation...if a certain cashier/clerk isn't chatty, go with the next one.

It would probably help to go with someone of your own gender, just to make things more comfortable. Having said that, most supermarkets I find have at least one super-friendly middle-aged or older lady who would talk your ears off if she could (I'm not trying to stereotype, I'm just pointing out a fact here ).

It's harder some places than others. Here in LA people are pretty chatty, and in the south it's out of control, but in Mass. nobody ever had much to say at the cash register. so don't take it personally if people don't respond is all I would say. They might have the same phobia as you, or they might be from Boston.

"How's your day going?" is nice and easy and applicable to literally everyone, and maybe a little less personal than "how are you" (not that people usually mean that personally).

People also like to be asked their opinion. Sometimes I ask the cashier at a grocery story if she's tried some thing that I'm buying, especially if she shows an interest in it.

I'm finding it really difficult and have squibbed several opportunities today, it's making me really depressed and irritated.

Perhaps if you targeted a public area of, (so to say) a "common ground"?

Examples:

If you have a dog, take it for a walk in an area where you might find other's also walking theirs. And in passing, comment on their pet.

Or, if you are a hobbyist, enter a craft supply store. Browse about in the area which provides the supplies to your particular hobby. If you should notice someone else there who may possibly share your interest, initiate a brief idle chat with that individual by asking a quick question or offering a mild compliment.

Conversation is obviously brief and nowhere near seemingly intimidating??

Unfortunately, I am not personally familiar with social phobia. However, I have become involved in a relationship with someone who is struggling with it. I realize that my suggestions, though effortless for most, may possibly be quite extensive or improbable for some.
I hope this has helped.

I wish you the best in your progress.

You could ask....."How long has this store been here?" "I like it!" Or "you know I was looking for this CD all sorts of places- and you have it!!" Or "I like your hair or outfit!" I always try to be complimentary- I to make people smile!!

I am that exact same way. Feels good....don't it? ...To know that you have contributed to creation of a smile on a face and a snuggly-comfy feeling in their heart. I so love that!

I find the weather to be one of the easiest ways to open doors of conversation.

Everyone everwhere has an opinion on it...

Looks like rain today here...you think?

Lenny

I tried again today, no dice.
I was going to ask 'how's business' after i asked him about the price of the can of coke, but he just said '3 dollars' and i had the exact change and he said 'thank you' and walked away.

Wow...3 bucks for a can of coke....where you shopping?

Next time pay him in pennies and ask about the weather...

He'll talk...

Lenny

BisquitTin, have you tried practicing in the mirror or with a doll or with a close friend or family member? How about researching online for some self help sites about public speaking? I would assume that a lot of the public speaking lessons can be applied to small talk as well Of course some of the help is about creating a speech and presenting it, but preparation is important in both realms.


sabby

Keep it up, BiscuitTin. Some people just don't want to talk sometimes...perhaps in particular those charging 3 bucks for a Coke!

Store-clerk chit-chat has to happen with a talkative person. Follow the tips folks have given you here and keep at it. Don't despair...doing something hard is something to be proud of.

that's nothing to do with you. don't worry about it. not everyone is chatty. in fact probably most people aren't.

and I don't mean to minimize your difficulty. it IS really hard to do what you're doing and i admire you for making the effort.

"how's business" is great. weather is kind of tough in LA I have to say. "how about that 200th straight day of sun we're having?" and so on. sometimes it dips below 70 and we get to say that it's "cold".

I made some awkward 'comments' a few times now at various people.

'it's that time of day again, very busy'

'how you doin?' (on 3 occassions)

And i asked a complete stranger in a video game store to 'check this game out, how weird is that?' (it was a Mortal Kombat vs DC Universe game)

While not exactly 'small talk' because we didn't have conversation, i achieved what i set out to do, which was to initiate a conversation by making a comment or asking a question. That's pretty much what my psych asked of me.

I'm not exactly proud of myself, but i am relieved that i did it. I'll have something to discuss with my psych in the next session and hopefully we can do some CBT on my thoughts during these real world encounters.

Well you should be Biscuit...journies such as ours are not made in leaps,,but in small carefull steps. You are farther along.

You did good.

Lenny