[ilovedogs]

Hello, I am new to the boards. My 10 year old son suffers from extreme anxiety. We are currently not doing any meds but we do have him in therapy(can't say that it's helping much)
Anyway, it started years ago with separation anxiety and what I thought was just childhood phases that he would outgrow. One year it was the fear of swimming pools, the next it was the movie theater, etc.
When he turned 9, he started with a tic disorder and his anxiety increased big time!
Here's a list of what's going on these days:
1.Fear that every disease he hears about or sees something about will be something he can get.
2. Fear of being left at church services, that I won't come to pick him up(this has been ongoing for about 3 years now)
3. Fear of images he sees that are disturbing, think the preview for CSI, etc
4. Fear of eating out: he had food poisoning almost a year ago from a restaurant and now he's ready to puke whenever we go out to dinner. Sometimes I wonder if it's really more of a social anxiety thing, though.
5. Recently, he had some travel anxiety where he was throwing up while on vacation,etc, but he couldn't pinpoint exactly what was bothering him. He has since traveled on a plane twice and has stayed in a hotel a few times since then, too.

Now to the OCD: a few months ago we saw some major intrusive thought stuff going on. Repetitive worries about God and fears about whether he was bigger than God, etc. He also had fears about whether he could say NO to drugs when he's a teenager. YOu all get the picture and it would bring him to tears and he was terribly distraught.
We have found a supplement from our naturopathic DR that has helped with the intrusive thoughts for the most part but the daily anxiety exists. You never know what will set him off b/c you can't plan what you will see or hear from day to day.

Does anybody have any advice or experience with this? Any support out there for parents of kids with anxiety? I could really use it b/c none of my friends understand!
Thanks,
Bon

[gimmeice]

Hello Ilovedogs, it's nice to meet you. I don't really have any experience with my own children and anxiety but as a person that battles anxiety and ocd everyday I had some thoughts on your post.
Does your son's therapist specialize in ocd? Have you shared your concerns with the therapist? Is everybody on the same page, as far as what kind of treatment he should be recieving?
There are some coping techniques that he could learn that might help him, you would also have to learn these so you could help him through it. I wish I could tell you some things to help but I am really bad at not practicing these types of things.
As far as meds go, they can help but they are not a cure all, you still have to know the coping skills, I can understand why you would hesitate to start him on them but you might want to talk to a doctor about your decision. It does sound like maybe you need an appointment with his therapist to discuss his lack of progress and your expectations of how things should be going.
Like I said I have no experience with kids and anxiety, those were just some thoughts, I am really lucky as my therapist also has ocd so she is a good match for me. I hope things get better for you and your son soon.

[multipixie9]

my oldest daughter began to struggle with fear/anxiety abruptly at age 9. she had a stomach "bug" and suddenly was afraid of germs and got extremely controlled by this anxiety and tried to stay home from school with "stomach aches" and various ploys to stay at home in a "safe place".

her situation was no where as near to the level of fear your son experiences. BUT, the one thing i can share with you is what i wish i had done differently - that old "hind-sight is 20/20".

i took her to easter seals to a child therapist who had a play therapy approach. we went for about 6 months and it didn't seem to help. I WISH I HAD KEPT LOOKING FOR HELP. we were very broke, as we had chosen for me to stay home with our kids and that was a consequence we had to deal with. but i wish i had kept looking.

my daughter is 26 now and i recently found out how much she still suffers from fears and insecurities. i felt really bad when i heard that and how much she had just tried to cope on her own. i suffered from depression and PTSD and DID and a few other things and this was the best i managed and i am encouraging her to get into some short term therapy because her new job as a first year special education teacher is pushing the old anxiety buttons pretty hard.

your son is fortunate that you care and are paying attention. i can see your concern for him. i hope you can find something to help him. i've had some strong bouts with anxiety at times and it can feel like mental torture. all the best to you!

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ilovedogs )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Welcome to PC!

One of my best friend's sons had anxiety very similar to what you are describing. Even some of the same fears you are mentioning (germs, disturbing images from TV, throwing up). When he was 12, she took him to a therapist, who basically worked with him on coping skills. It helped A LOT. His anxiety has gone way down, and he knows what to do when those fears start creeping up again. Before he started seeing the therapist, it was really bad - she would have to sit with him every night when he went to bed for an hour (at least) and help he become calm enough to go to sleep.

Maybe your son needs a different therapist, who specializes in anxiety disorders in children? Sometimes the first therapist we go to isn't the right one.

When you say he has a tic disorder, do you mean Tourette's? I have another friend who has a son with Tourette's and they have seen a LOT of improvement with him with dietary changes....basically the same dietary changes that have helped my son with autism. It's amazing how what we put into our bodies can affect us. You can PM me if you want to hear more...(I'll spare everyone the dull details here! LOL) - but basically, he is gluten and dairy free. HUGE difference.

Sending many, many hugs! It is SO hard to watch our little ones suffer.

[ECHOES]

Anxiety is the response to fears. Medications help symptoms but not the underlying fears. OCD behaviors are about fear too. The often unconscious reason for the ritual is that itl will prevent something fearful, like an exaggerated type of repelling bad luck by the 'knock on wood' ritual.

I hope you will find another child psychologist. Play therapy is very useful not only in what it reveals but in helping a child open up to the therapist. Part therapeutic and part ice-breaker; very important and helpful to the therapist.

[ilovedogs]

Originally Posted by earthmama

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( ilovedogs )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Welcome to PC!

One of my best friend's sons had anxiety very similar to what you are describing. Even some of the same fears you are mentioning (germs, disturbing images from TV, throwing up). When he was 12, she took him to a therapist, who basically worked with him on coping skills. It helped A LOT. His anxiety has gone way down, and he knows what to do when those fears start creeping up again. Before he started seeing the therapist, it was really bad - she would have to sit with him every night when he went to bed for an hour (at least) and help he become calm enough to go to sleep.

Maybe your son needs a different therapist, who specializes in anxiety disorders in children? Sometimes the first therapist we go to isn't the right one.

When you say he has a tic disorder, do you mean Tourette's? I have another friend who has a son with Tourette's and they have seen a LOT of improvement with him with dietary changes....basically the same dietary changes that have helped my son with autism. It's amazing how what we put into our bodies can affect us. You can PM me if you want to hear more...(I'll spare everyone the dull details here! LOL) - but basically, he is gluten and dairy free. HUGE difference.

Sending many, many hugs! It is SO hard to watch our little ones suffer.

We have not gotten a Tourette's diagnosis yet as his tics are all simple facial tics. He has lots of 'habits' that could fall under the OCD umbrella, though, so that's where the diagnosis seems to be focused.
I do a relatively clean diet with him, too. Just not GFCF. I keep out artificial stuff, MSG, HFCS, etc and I try to buy organic when I can. I stay away from processed meats for him, etc.

I think the suggestion of a new therapist might be in order. My ds really likes his therapist, though, as he has taught ds relaxation techniques and challenges him to overcome his anxiety by giving him goals to accomplish.

Just last week, ds was sleeping over at a friend's house and the mother called and said that ds was missing us. She thought he'd want to come home but when I got him on the phone he said that he wanted to stick it out and try to get over his fears himself. He sure did look relieved when he got home in the AM, but he did make it through and I was proud that he didn't give up! This just shows me that he is trying hard to get through it even when it's emotionally hard for him and I just keep encouraging him all the way.

[madisgram]

i had this type of behavior as a child and was taken to a psychiatrist. won't bother with the details but i couldn't control the fears/acute worry i had. that was quite a long time ago (!) but in my case my dear father was a perfectionist and his imposing his high expectations on me set the behavior off. i'm not saying this is the case with your son because a lot of things can be the catalyst as you stated. if the doctor that's seeeing him now doesn't seem to be helping i too suggest you consider seeking other help for your son. in my case the solution was presented to my father and it helped tremendously with me not having full blown OCD as a child.

[Sannah]

Hi dogs, do you suffer from anxiety?

[ECHOES]

Regarding your list, I might want to go to church with him to help that and to observe that environment; and the abundance of crime shows which revolve around and victim are very triggering and are to me a sad statement of modern society that in spite of all the gifted and intelligent and creative people out there, entertainment seems so overly saturated with tales of cold, calculated murder. I don't watch those shows myself and I respect your son's being turned off by them.

[ilovedogs]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Hi dogs, do you suffer from anxiety?

No, I do not suffer at all from anxiety. But, I married into a family that is wrought with psychological problems. Didn't know what I was getting into! My dh was ADHD and probably would have been diagnosed with Oppositional Defiant Disorder as a child. He is a very difficult man to live with as he suffers from depression and has anger issues due to his own fears and low self image. I know this has a lot to do with why our son has issues. But, I also know that the supplement I have been giving him has helped the OCD so I do think we have a biological component to all of this, as well. I'm guess it's a combo of environmental factors along with a bio/chemical aspect. My dh doesn't understand the crying about the anxiety as he just gets angry about everything. So, I am stuck between the 2 of them! I, personally, have my own issues but I am still considered a pretty carefree, easy going person and I have the outlook that: everything works according to God's will/purpose for you. So, why worry about everything?
Unfortunately, after a few years around these anxious people I worry now about their mental health and spend some of my free time online trying to find answers to help them both.
I joke with my dh that I've become obsessive compulsive about finding a 'cure' for our son's tics and his anxiety. And, of course, I get anxious when I know that ds will be anxious about something now....but it only lasts for a moment and then I talk myself back to reality.
Anyway, thanks for all the responses. I'll be re-evaluating our therapist in the next few months. I figure I'll give it another few months and see where we're at!

[Sannah]

Dogs, how much do you think your son has learned from your husband concerning the anxiety?

[ilovedogs]

Originally Posted by Sannah

Dogs, how much do you think your son has learned from your husband concerning the anxiety?

Too much! And, my dh admits it so that's why we're in counseling. My dh attends the sessions when he's in town.
My dh grew up in an alcoholic family where his parents would throw stuff at eachother and scream and he got hit alot by his mom. It was a VERY unhealthy atmosphere and his sister and brother and mother are all on anti-depressants now. His father has OCD and it is still undiagnosed officially but my mother in law is a nurse and she knew years ago that he had mental problems.

The biggest one for me that I have trouble with is ds's inability to enjoy eating out. It's so hard to enjoy a meal out together when your child looks like they're ready to throw up. I forgot that he got really sick on my dh's birthday last year and threw up right on his plate at the Cheesecake Factory. Ever since then he's had trouble eating out!

[Sannah]

Dogs, I am so glad that you husband is working on this too.

I recovered from anxiety and I think that we grow up anxious due to an insecure environment. Therefore, all the therapy in the world will not make your son better. What I think will make him better are you and your husband making a secure environment for him. My husband was helpful to me by not jumping in with me with my anxieties. He stood apart strong and reassuring. I joined him there. He did not join me in my anxious world. You mentioned a bit how you get anxious when you sense that your son is about to get anxious. You better believe that he picks up on that with his radar.