[Perna]

I am taking private sewing lessons and last week I went to my class and the teacher was not there, the woman in the store whom I'd never met or seen said she was sick and hadn't she called me? The store lady knew my name but didn't introduce herself and was quite "angry" my teacher, Pat, hadn't called me and went to call her but I got all frantic and was begging her, "Oh no! She's sick! Let her rest!"

It got worse; the class was Tuesday and Pat had called the person with a class on Thursday, mixing us up; thinking that student had class on Tuesday and not thinking of me at all? She called that student and cancelled her class but never called me. So I practically run out of the store, telling the woman in the store it's all okay and I'll wait until Pat's better and I'm sure she'll call me, etc. but I definately didn't want to be there if she called Pat.

I tell people it's all right ("I'm fine" like my mood indicator :-) but inside I'm sure Pat doesn't want me as a student, is relieved she has an excuse not to see me and hopes I just go away. Too, if someone calls her when she's sick, she'll get mad at me and it will be my "fault".

So I go home and for days there's no calls. I have trouble with myself at home because I'd gotten myself in a mess with my sewing and stopped, wanting Pat to get me out of it but I realized that I should be trying to get out of it myself. So I struggle with myself and work with the problems and that's psychologically difficult because of my relationship growing up with sewing and my stepmother's teaching. So I'm needing support and having both sewing and problems with myself and past and I'm just a mess and I'm also waiting for Pat to call. I'm afraid of phones, it's still difficult for me to call someone, ask for anything.

Well, Pat called yesterday and she's fine now and we made two class appointments and the sense of relief I got was wonderful, like "dodging a bullet". But now I feel a bit down on myself because I'm still personally struggling but can ignore that and give the problems to Pat and know the sewing at least will get "solved" and then I can move on but still not have looked at and worked adequately on my own personal problems?

I had "decided" if Pat hadn't called me by Noon today I was going to go in to the store and "casually" enquire and make up an excuse for being there (that I needed more thread), etc. I was anxious about having to do that and hoped I didn't and now I don't have to do that and am "saved". I feel like it would have been a good "exercise" though for me.

[pegasus]

((((((( Perna ))))))))

I can't stand sewing, you should hear me cursing even if it's just to sew up a small hole in a skirt or something like that.

Glad it all worked out for you in the end.