[neri]

Last year when i had rough time i figured out how i can ease my anxiety about some stuff. It's totally weird and actually works. What i did was very simply just say to myself in my head that a thing didn't really happen or something like that over and over again. Eh... Bad explaining.. I mean when i got anxiety about something, if i kept saying it didn't really happen long enough the feeling would go away far out!

I can give a little very stupid example cuz i sort of went a little crazy with this new possibility Okay this is sooo stupid... well, i had come up with The Perfect name for my dog a long time ago, i was gonna get a puppy in the fall. Well my were talking about dogs with my friend and she got to mention that someone had a dog name like that, MY PERFECT SPECIAL NAME!! well i got to "mantraing" myself about that ...hehehee... worked perfectly. I wasn't sure anymore was it true or just a dream my perfect unique name saved.

Later i told another friend of mine about this insident which was obviously a mistake, by bringing it up so altogether kinda breaked my bubble, it felt like coming down from high. That kind of whooooosh -feeling

Well, i'm sort of still not intirely sure was it a dream or not but this is the only thing i have "breaked the bubble" from so the only one i can tell

I worked that with my mom too as in said to myself she doesn't exist, and even i still KNOW she exists, i don't have any feelings about it. So cool ...i don't really remember anything from the summer though so it's apparently not to be used carelessly

[Poppet]

Hi Neriz, to me this sounds like 'dissociation' or 'splitting', which is a defence mechanism that kicks in to protect you emotionally.
Like blocking off the feelings about your mum or not remembering stuff from the summer.
We are all capable of doing it, to a greater or lesser degree. It protects you from feeling and/or remembering painful things.

It sounds like you are aware of when you choose to do it, but not being able to remember the summer could have been a time when it happened unconsciously.

Do you have a counsellor or therapist Neriz ? It would be a good thing to talk to them about if you do. In my humble opinion, there is nothing wrong with it unless it causes upset to your life - if it gets you through, then, hey, you have that 'up your sleeve'

Care, Poppet