Confrontation

I don't know. I've tried. I see all these business people dealing with confrontation every day and I envy them so much. I want to, but I stupidly shrink back to not being able to do anything right.

You have to accept where you are at before you can move forward. Wishing that you were at a different level does nothing to actually getting you there. Accepting where you are at will allow you to work from where you are at. It isn't your fault that you received this treatment from your mom. It isn't a mystery why you would respond to her the way you did. You were a child. This affected you and it is still with you. You can accept this, understand this and work this out CSC.

there is nothing that you set out to do that you cant finish or accomplish cantstop... if you cant say it to them right now, its ok to say to yourself that what you feel and think is real and no one else has to agree whether its right, wrong, bad, or ugly.. its you, and who you are in this minute... you count as much as anyone

Hi can'tstopcrying,

good to see you here, and learn a little more about your current difficulties.

I'm trying to relate it to my own experiences, and I'm thinking of difficulties that I encountered at times when I was working in residential care with adults with learning disabilities.

I can remember times when I was feeling rough to start off with, and then encountered situations which were stressful and confusing, and then encountered other staff members who had a diametrically different view of the situation, and so on, and so on....

One thing leads to another, that leads to another, that leads to another.... and just when you feel as though you really NEED to be shown that little bit extra understanding and consideration you find those other people just as incapable of showing that understanding as before.

And it's really SCARY because you feel as though you just DON'T KNOW how the whole thing is going to pan out.

And in a sense it really seems that you've got good reason to be scared because the BALANCE in your mind is very precarious, and we know that we are still being judged according to impersonal criterial on the basis of impersonal considerations - about how we're getting on with our job - that we could easily end up falling foul of.

So I don't want to scare you even more but I don't want to offer you false hope either. If things feel really tough, I would suggest looking into taking a bit of time out. I don't know how viable that would be?

Wishing you a swift return to happiness and peace.

(((csc)))

I didn't know pink didn't go with yellow...
I understand this stuff--it's the "walk on eggshells" parents. They ARE QUITE LOVELY aren't they now?

I LOVE that now that I'm all grown up and all that jazz that I don't have to toe the party line just so that I'll be "loved"--LOL (I laugh here at the irony in what they parlayed love into being "COMPLIANCE", not you).

(((((((cantstopcrying)))))))

You bring up an INTERESTING POINT. What WOULD happen if you told your manager "Sorry, NOPE--AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN" on the apology?

Considering your position is so rare, I really think you should give it a shot at saying NO in a firm but polite way. Make sure you post the policy protocol that they all violated in the research as well. Make it short and sweet. Make it known you are far too busy to deal with this childish endeavor and that you have serious work to be done.

There is always the option of reporting violations of research that was sent to the FDA for oversight/approval. There is always a way around the leadership you know. Not everyone in leadership are actually "leadership" material. Take back your power. You are not a weak person, as crying and being speechless doesn't equate "weakness".
(for next time if this situation is resolved for now)

Thoughts?

Thoughts? Hmm. I think you are all smarter and in a much healthier place than I am when it comes to this! I'm so scare to say no because I am a single mother and I can't imagine if I didn't have my job. Though my job is very unique, I think they would just shut the research department down, hire someone who is knowledgeable in Excel in reporting and have our electronic medical records software company do all the program. The problem with saying no like was suggested is it comes back to confrontations, which I can't handle. Grrrr. I am printing this whole thread out because there are some wonderful words in here, words I need to study and really look at. Thank you. So very much.

I have thought long and hard on this. Am still thinking on it, actually. Because yet today I have another meeting that will result in confrontation (this is making me sound like a horrible person to get along with and I honestly am not!). Sannah, I woke up this morning feeling empowered. Running through my mind as I prepare for this meeting is my mother's voice, disappointed, disgusted, angry, "why do you always have to be so difficult? Why can't you just agree with us? You always have to try to be so different, think of things so different." That's one thing I am trying to move past. I am telling myself that I can do this, I can do this because I deserve to be heard, I deserve to have respect and deserve to be creative in my thinking. I'm telling myself that, but it is so so so hard to believe. But I am telling myself. Is this a way to accept where I am and move on, do you think? I just know it was such an odd feeling waking up, thinking about the meeting and feeling empowered.

Woo Hooo, you go girl! I changed by analyzing what my issues were, coming up with what I could try and then doing it. Afterwards assessing what happened and if I was done with it or if I needed to try something else. I always came back with valuable info no matter what happened and I never saw what happened as a failure of any kind. It was a learning experience. I formed a certain way because of my environment while growing up and we continue to mold ourselves as we interact with our environment today. As opposed to the past when we were just children with limited thinking skills and no power, now we are adults with our thinking fully developed and power in our pockets. You will do fine CSC! Be aware of your needs and take care of yourself. I am a slow thinker so I am not good at thinking on my feet but I still did fine and worked things through. After my interactions are over then I think things through so don't feel bad if anything like this happens to you. .......