I did it!!!!

ThePainNeverDies · Feb 18, 2009, 11:58 AM

WOOHOOOOO!!!!

I have beaten my slight fear of heights!!! YAY!! I did some climbing, abseiling and tight rope walking activities today. Four hours and *phew* am I knackered?! But it was all worth it!

I did the scariest bit first, the tight rope walking :/ I screamed once and then started laughing at myself and carried on walking. I started finding it hard to breathe but, whilst attatched to an abseiling/rock climbing rope, I knew i was safe and I did it!! All 3 levels!! Woooo!! And that was just under 60ft!

Then, I did the climbing wall. There were a few loose grips, so I slipped a few times :/ but carried on!

THEN came the scariest part!

There was a pole to climb up with little metal bars that you have to thread through the holes as you climv up, with an "eagle table" on top, about 1.5 ft by 1.5ft. That was the hardest part. Getting onto it was incredibly scary because the whole thing wobbled as you got nearer to the top! I got there and knelt, looking down (big mistake!) and Eeeeked, but then slowly stood up and spread my arms wide

Then Andrew (a key worker here, who took us 3 - me, wayne and ollie) climbed up and we held hands and leaned of opposite edges! :/:/:/ Then abseiled down.

The worst part to come was after lunch. Dave, the instructor said "Mike, get the trapeze moving towards the pole a bit closer" uh-oh. Ollie said "Aha! We have to jump from THAT pole, to THAT trapeze!" I stood there and melted.. "WHAT?! No way!!!" but.. Andrew did it and he reached. I did it and fell. What a knock of my confidence, after spending about 5 minutes contemplating just not doing it. I almost cried, but just let myself abseil down. 2 attempts and fails later, I still wasn't giving up hope. I HAD to do it!! So, they moved the trapeze about 2cm closer to the pole (I was the shortest out of us all!! They were all between 5ft 8 plus!!). One more jump and... Everyone in the group next to us for buiding confidence against fear of heights, gasped as I took the 'Leap Of Faith' aaaaand... CLANG! My hands grabbed the bar and I screamed "YAYYYYY!!!" and got it all on video! :/ scary stuff, but it was immense. Definately something to be done before you die! My first attempt ruined my arm, though, because I grabbed the bar with my left hand and it slipped and I fell, pulling the muscle.. Possibly tearing it :/

But I DID IT!!! I Finally did it!!!

So I am sooooo pleased with myself and I want to do it all again! I still have a tiny fear there, but.. It's better than ever! Woohoo! I beat it!

There are going to be videos up on youtube of all my attempts, fails and finally, my win

It was so great to feel that bar between my fingers and to be swinging over 60ft in the air on a trapeze!

It was funny, though, when the person who was in conrtol of my rope was stood saying "Come on, Kirst, you can do it, jump with all the strength you can muster!" and I said "I'm scared I won't reach it now! I'm shaking my butt off!" and then I jumped and everyone gasped as I jumped, then broke out in applause and "woohooo's!!!" Funny, too when I kept saying "are you ready? Sure you're ready? Really ready?" On that last one, Andrew started counting 3-2-1 and I jumped before Mike could even answer!

OhMyGod I'm sooooo excited and chuffed with myself!

I just can't believe how determined I was to keep puffing up that 60ft pole and struggle onto the tiny platform, then jump with all the effort I had left and finally make it

*phew* I'm exhausted now, but just so full of adrenaline from all those jumps and balancing acts etc. I'm on such a high!

When i finally did it, I said to everyone "My job here is now DONE! Wicked! I did it!" and the confidence building group all came over and clapped again saying "that was great! Well done! Good on ya!" Teeheehee. I'm so exciteeeeeed! And proud

mlpHolmes · Feb 18, 2009, 12:08 PM

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

YOU CERTAINLY DID DO IT!!!!!

WHAT A COURAGEOUS STEP!!!

SO VERY PROUD OF YOU!!!!
HOLMES

Sannah · Feb 18, 2009, 12:15 PM

Wow, that is amazing TPND!!!!!!!!!

ThePainNeverDies · Feb 18, 2009, 01:57 PM

Yeah! I know!

I can't believe that I finally did it!

after much pushing, shoving and shaking (not to mention panic attacks!) I finally overcame it! Wooooooo!! Teeheehee

I'm so, so chuffeed! Can you tell? ha.

insomniac879 · Feb 20, 2009, 08:38 AM

Congratulations!!!
That's amazing, no matter what you kept working, and look what happened!
Don't worry about being too modest now. That's pretty big

ThePainNeverDies · Feb 20, 2009, 10:29 AM

Hehe. That's something that has really brightened up my week!

Even if I did have 70 hours of no sleep because of anxiety, I got 3 hours last night, because I felt accomplished.

What didn't help, though was how confused I was. Got quite anxious then and really, really edgy, to the point that one minute I was laughing, the next screaming and shouting, then laughing, then crying. My moods have been very manic and all over the place this week to be honest, but that one day made me feel like finally I'd achieved something! Woooooot!

I guess it's a matter of incorporating that 'no matter what, keep trying' into everything else in my life. Which, I think I have been doing, or at least trying to, so I'm getting there

madisgram · Feb 21, 2009, 07:14 AM

whhhhooooopppeeee!!

congrats on a successful mission. i'm so happy for you, (((pnd)))

ThePainNeverDies · Feb 21, 2009, 07:46 AM

Teehee. Thank you!

My arm is much better today, although still painful to open doors and such, it's not as bad as it was!

Got the worst cold I've ever had though

but I'm still keeping my head up

or trying to at least. Let's hope I can overcome the rest of these things that make me anxious and such.

Berries · Feb 21, 2009, 08:52 AM

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

That is wonderful!

How inpiratioal too, thank you Pain!

((((((((((Pain)))))))))))

ThePainNeverDies · Feb 21, 2009, 10:05 AM

Woop! I also got a letter today saying that I have got my EMA bonus! Despite having two weeks off college and other odd days, it's because I caught up with my work and handed it all in on time and because I got back into the swing of college and had 100% attendance after the 2 weeks off

Somebody is very happy, but also hyperrrr!

The Leap Of Faith is something that everyone has to dooooo! :P

Princess Butterfly · Feb 21, 2009, 12:59 PM

Wow! Well done!
I can honestly say this is one phobia i will never overcome.
I am very proud of you

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThePainNeverDies

Woop! I also got a letter today saying that I have got my EMA bonus! Despite having two weeks off college and other odd days, it's because I caught up with my work and handed it all in on time and because I got back into the swing of college and had 100% attendance after the 2 weeks off

Somebody is very happy, but also hyperrrr!

The Leap Of Faith is something that everyone has to dooooo! :P

Sannah · Feb 23, 2009, 09:03 AM

Very good news TPND! Good work!

ThePainNeverDies · Feb 23, 2009, 02:44 PM

Heh

I had a good day shopping today, but have been caught out by the flu!

asthma on top of that doesn't help at all! So fell asleep in Connor's arms on the train

We got back together today. I said that I'd been planning it for the weekend and such and then he asked when i really wanted it to happen and I said now, cried and he asked if I'd take him back. I said yes, so we're a couple again and I feel a little more at ease

especially with the help that's been set in place now. *Finally!*

So yeah.. Had a good day today, set aside the panicking and flu etc. It was great

so nice to spend a day with Connor and be a couple again

Sannah · Feb 23, 2009, 03:44 PM

I'm glad that you had a good day

. Hope you recovery quickly from the flu and your asthma behaves..........

ThePainNeverDies · Feb 24, 2009, 03:44 AM

Me too!! Stomach pains came back with a massive, huge, horrible vengeance last night. I literally passed out from the pain. Seriously felt like I was gonna die - Silly me! I'm feeling like utter crap today after almost no sleep last night and have an assignment due for today, which is NOT DONE! So I'm all in a panic about that

Got my fingers strapped up last night - Torn a ligament in the side of my finger, which is just a bit crappy! And it's my writing hand as well! So uit looks like I', going to need a personal scribe today

Apart from that, I'm just about managing to keep my spirits up

Polperro · Feb 24, 2009, 04:33 AM

TPND - think back to what achieved and how you felt, I feel sure that this should lift your spirits and quite rightly so. To stand up to one's fears is not easy and applaud you

Well done.

ThePainNeverDies · Feb 24, 2009, 04:40 AM

Thank you. I have been thinking about it a lot recently

I spoke to my lecturer about the assignment and I think he's going to give me more time on it and help me a little more. Woohoo!!

I was so scared that he was going to blow his top at me, but he seemed ok with it, which was nice

I think it was the strapped up fingers

Polperro · Feb 24, 2009, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ThePainNeverDies

Woop! I also got a letter today saying that I have got my EMA bonus! Despite having two weeks off college and other odd days, it's because I caught up with my work and handed it all in on time and because I got back into the swing of college and had 100% attendance after the 2 weeks off

Somebody is very happy, but also hyperrrr!

The Leap Of Faith is something that everyone has to dooooo! :P

I feel the lecturer has seen a difference in you, you caught up 2 weeks work and your 100% attendance, makes a difference.

I think these things are the reason why the Lecturer has given you more time and it's all down to you, keep up the good work. Oh and this is another situation you can draw comfort from.
Keep the chin up.

ThePainNeverDies · Feb 24, 2009, 05:06 AM

Thank you, Polperro.

Hopefully he will give me the extra time. I think him and my tutor have been conferring a lot recently, and ave noticed that I am trying my best with my college work, but other things in life are incredibly difficult at the moment. I think my tutor now realises just how much I deal with in each day. I'm going to stay in college all afternoon tomorrow, to get more of the assignment done, so that should help things along a bit.

I think I can keep on smiling now

Polperro · Feb 24, 2009, 05:34 AM

TPND it's good that you want to get the assignment done by staying at college all afternoon tomorrow, but its not good if by doing that it brings you down so please becareful and listen to your body and mind.

Be Safe and be Happy
(((TPND)))

ThePainNeverDies · Feb 24, 2009, 05:50 AM

If I'm not feeling so good come tomorrow afternoon, I won't stay in college to get the work done. I'm going to be seeing a Community Support Worker from SWEDA tomorrow at 4.30pm, so hopefully will be able to let off some steam there if anything goes wrong.

I'm really apprehensive about it! :/ but I'm gojng to try and stay calm

Sannah · Feb 24, 2009, 10:15 AM

TPND, I hope you are realizing with all this work and good outcomes how much control that you really have over your life..................

Irine · Feb 24, 2009, 10:34 AM

cool! keep it up

ThePainNeverDies · Feb 24, 2009, 03:31 PM

I do...?

I went to the drs and, after finding out a few years ago that I suffer with atrial ectopic beats with my heart, they've got worse

I have to have another ECG in a couple of weeks' time. I now have more meds to add to my mintec, for teh IBS. Happy days.. More medication to take 3 times a day.. That means.. 5 tablets in the morning again.

Ahh well.. Let's hope that things start to get better and the pain eases off. If I faint again, I have to phone the drs right away and make an appointment there and then or for the next morning, so I can have an ECG done.

Researching mental illnesses, I have discovered, along with Connor, that I could have a mild form of schizophrenia

So.. Gotta get talking to my GP about that, too.. See what's going on in this head of mine..

My day has been tough today, but I got 62/100 on part A and 80/100 (so far) on part B of my theory exam in music

that was only a practise and I realised some of my mistakes were really, really silly!!! So, with a week and a day to go until my theory exam, I'm feeling pretty confident

I was a bit of a moo to Alec today.. Found out it's not only me that he's been being quite perverted to, it's another girl who's a friend of a friend, Becca. So a formal complaint is being made about him. He made yet another comment to me today and I sat there and somehow changed the direction that the conversation was going in *phew* I was really stubborn today, though and that's because I knew he'd try and say something sexual towards me because of the t-shirt I was wearing. Hmph.