[zwordz]

I just got a job (like in today!!!) so yay ok...but! I have people problems. Last time I lost it and called everybody assholes. I always want to 'protect the little guy' or try to fight everything I disagree with and basically Im gonna pop a vein if I carry on! Im a woman working in a very male dominated environment. The work I got today, my manager said to me, "You will be the first female I employ." He also said, "I dont know if you are going to handle the environment."

These particular men are very...crass? Rough, people. I will be dealing directly with welders and they aren't the nicest of people. Especially since Im an inspector and going to give them grief. The thing is I love this work. Love doing the actual work. But the people dealings. I am so afraid of them I dont know what to do. I know its normal to feel anxious about a new work or whatever but I know how I am and how I act.

Would it be a good idea to tell my boss I have a personality disorder or is that looking for an excuse to be 'rude' . What tips can someone give about dealing with people who just run against my grain? If you know what I mean. I have very strong beliefs and I sometimes curse myself for it.

[madisgram]

i think it's good that you are seeking poistive solutions to this. do you see someone regarding your relationships with others? a therapist can give you good coping skills to improve on this behavior. it sounds like you are motivated to change and learn.
as for going to your boss i'd suggest you do not.that would be a big red flag to him about your ability to work with others. the person who need to confide this with is a therapist, imho. in the meantime i'd try to remember how i (you)would like to be treated on the job. forget about their crassness. you are there to fulfill a needed task. treat the welders as you would like to be treated. hopefully you will use resstraint of tongue before you speak. if you goof, i'd go to that person immediately and apologize for your outburst. hopefully you'll get professional help before you shoot yourself in the foot. hope this helps, idk. good luck and hope u will get the help u need.

[Sannah]

Zwordz, these are a few things that have always helped me. 1) stay calm no matter how angry the other person gets. If you stay calm they will calm down. 2) People have the right to their opinions and behaviors as long as they aren't breaking any laws (so don't act like the police!). 3) If someone is pressing your buttons look into this and see what they are triggering in you and fix it. 4) If you are always looking out for the little guy are you sure that you are taking care of your needs? (People who don't take care of their needs always have a lot of angry energy for the other little guys. If you take care of your needs you will take some of the anger out of your "crusades").

Be matter of fact when you point out what is wrong with these guys. Leave out any attitude and you will make your life a lot easier. If they get an attitude do an attitude check with yourself just to make sure that you didn't start it.

Are you expecting sexism from them? I think that if you respect yourself and interact with them in a respectful way that it will raise the bar for them. If you are confident they will see this and respect it. People are funny when they see insecurity. It makes those who are insecure act in a lower fashion. People who respect themselves respect others and those who respect others induce respectful responses. Not respecting yourself triggers disrespect in those who are disrespectful.

Sexism is about power. People don't give you your power. You have power because you take your power. If people do not give you your power then they cannot take it away. You come with your power. If people try messing with you stay strong in yourself but don't attack. Attacking accomplishes nothing and makes things much worse. If people can see that you are confident and they can't mess with you they will respect you and leave you alone. It is sort of like bullying I guess.

treat them as a equal if you can
remember there are nice guys out there.
I agree with what ((Sannah))) said have respect for you and them.
I have known many a welder, they were great
kind, sensitive , very respectful to everyone
hope all goes well

[zwordz]

Aw thanx everyone! I am not seeing a therapist at the moment coz it isnt free here in my country. But now I have this awesome job I plan on seeing one as soon as I get paid. I just want to hang in there and not lose my temper.

I am really going to try REALLY hard not to comment on anything that offends me. Im just going to go with the flow and focus on the work I was actually hired to do. I dont really have a problem with men as such, its just, I was raped in varsity and now Im running around with a 'HATE MEN' complex! Im struggling to accept them as equals and as respectful human beings.

Thanx for the support! I will post again in a months time about my progress and perhaps if something upset me I will come here to express rather than at work!