[Mrs T]

Hi just hoping someone can point me in the right direction, my son is now 10 years old, since he was about 6 years old we've had trouble with his behaviour, he can be as nice as anything one minute and flying into a rage the next, he never seems to be able to concentrate for a long period of time and when he does (usually a computer game or catoon he likes) he fidgets constantly, he gets bored easily and flits from one thing to another and can't seem to play quietly, he is argumentative and rude to both adults and other children, he kicks and punches out at people for no apparent reason and when asked about why he did something unacceptable his only answer is a shrug of his shoulders or 'I don't know' He lies a lot and has been caught stealing from us too.. both money and other items. He can have days where he seems quite calm and well behaved although he is still fidgety and gets easily bored or distracted. Since he returned back to school we have had to collect him early 4 times due to his behaviour, he has hit a teacher, smashed a window, run away from teachers and hidden, swore very profusely and has no explanation as to why he is doing any of it.

He has now been suspended from school for 2 days. We have tried everything, talking to him, punishments such as loosing priveleges, grounding to his room etc but nothing seems to work.

Please can anyone tell me if he is showing signs of ADHD or is he just being a little monster for want of a better description. We have 4 other children in the family 3 of which are older and never displayed any behaviour that was even close to this.

Sorry if I'm rambling on but I'm at my wits end, his behaviour is effecting the whole family and I really don't know what to do....

[Rapunzel]

He might need some professional intervention, whether it is ADHD or something else. It is important for him to learn now about making good choices and that there are consequences that follow what he does (both consequences he likes and those he doesn't).

You said that he likes cartoons and computer games. Those can build expectations in children of being entertained at that same level of excitement with little effort on their part all the time. Doing schoolwork doesn't quite compare to those, does it? He could be trying to create the level of stimulation that he enjoys, and may be getting that in reactions from other people.

What happens if when he acts like a little tornado, everybody else stays calm and refuses to buy into it or get stirred up? Whatever he does, there are logical consequences (or you can find some logical consequences). It doesn't matter so much why he does it, but if he is breaking things and stealing, maybe he needs to sell his video games or something else that he values in order to pay for the damages, and give up allowance, work for the money, etc.

These are severe behaviors, and you are right to notice that your other children are not behaving this way. It sounds like talking to a professional about it would be appropriate. The sooner you start correcting this behavior, the better his chances to overcome it before it becomes a bigger problem for him and you and everyone else.

[Mrs T]

Thanks Rapunzel, he's had 2 more explosive episodes in school today and is getting an urgent referral to a psych team, I just hope there's going to be a light at the end of the tunnel.

[theotterone]

Originally Posted by Rapunzel

He might need some professional intervention, whether it is ADHD or something else. It is important for him to learn now about making good choices and that there are consequences that follow what he does (both consequences he likes and those he doesn't).

I agree. Regardless if it is ADD/ADHD or something else, it would not hurt to take him to a child psychologist. It is HARD to see your child struggle! Especially as moms (no offence to dads, we just tend to be more emotional), it hurts to see our children hurt! It's just as hard when we see them make the wrong choice. When I talk to my daughers about it, they don't like it but understand it. It even got to a point that my oldest daughter once told me she "hated" it when I told her she had to make decisions.

We want to be able to protect them from harm and hurt. We wish they would listen so they wouldn't have to learn the hard way, especially if we had to learn the hard way!

The truth for any parent is sometime we have to let them learn the hard way, let them experience the hurt and dissapointment. When they go through it, all we can do is be a calm presence and explain to them that when they do X, Y results. They may not like to hear it, but it is the way of the world.

We moms tend to fall into the trap of we should know all and control all. Our children are people unto themselves and have their own personalities. We see the potential and it is frustrating to see them not achieve it.

Unlike some parents, you care enough to want to help him. You love him enough to say "I don't know, where do I go for answers?" There is no easy fix (oh but do I wish there was!) Give lots of hugs, look into help. Make the school a partner rather than an entity to fight against. If they know you are willing to work with them, they can provide suggestions and help. Remember, you have support here!