Damaged Self Esteem

Ooo, that sounds good, not having to crash at all, I'll talk to my doctor about it, but my sure ins. has been downgraded so I'll have to see if I can afford it. So many damn pills...

Hi, I've never been diagnosed, but after taking several self-assessments and just looking at how I function -- or don't function -- it's pretty clear that I've got a moderate form of ADD, inattentive type. (I fidget a little, too.) I'm 53, nearly 54, and it's making me crazy to be my age and still not be able to get myself to do what I need to do. I don't want meds if I can possibly avoid them, but if anyone has other ideas? The problem isn't organization so much as knowing I need to do something and blowing it off. I have to switch constantly between: 2 at-home kids, a part-time job and an ongoing freelance gig, six pets and various complicated issues as my mother's power of attorney. She created some interesting situations that I'm trying to resolve now. Eek! If all I had to do was, say, housework, I might be able to get into a rhythm with only a little backsliding. But all I want to do is take a vacation, so I'm off to the latest library book. Lists don't help, notes don't help (except for immediate issues like "pay the electric bill or else!!!). And yes, I've heard variations on "what's wrong with you?" all my life. I divorced the angry, abusive husband, which is better, but I'm very much on my own.

It sounds like a lot of people are suffering the same way. I really liked Paul's post, but when I hyper-focus 10 things turn into crises while I'm taking care of the one. Meanwhile, here's a group hug for all of us!

Marie

Thank you all for this discussion. Payne, I have heard Thom Harmann on the radio many times. I didnt know he wrote a book on ADD and ADHD. I have great respect for him. So I would be very interested in what he has to say. Thank you

I am grateful to know that this is a physical thing that is not my fault. Going through school dissociated and with ADD was very interesting, to say the least. I usually wasnt really there. and when I was, I couldnt focus anyway .

As someone who has a lot of anxiety, caffine makes me very jittery, I was told by my doctor that ADD medications are not indicated for me. She tends to be very careful about medications.

Wow, thank you! I just found Hartmann's book in my library catalogue and reserved it. He has another one called Healing ADD : simple exercises that will change your daily life (I had to past that in because I couldn't remember). I reserved that one, too. I'm very grateful to find this group. Cheers!

A diagnose made me realize what an achievement a full academic education, and exams with mid- to upper grades in spite of it made me proud. Befor that, I have not wanted to talk about it.
Ritalin has enabled me yo get work started and finished without running abot, disturbing people in between. I am beginning to feel really good - at last.
40 years of damaged self esteem has come to an end

I understand. I friends used to make fun of me because I would constantly be like "what?" because I would stop paying attention in the middle of a conversation. :/

I'm close to the same age as you and I just got diagnosed. I was always diagnosed as major depressive disorder.

Could it be that the ADHD caused the depression because we beat ourselves up for all the disorganization and chaos that goes along with ADHD? Maybe once we get that ADHD worked on, our depression will start to lift.

I do know how frustrating it is to have all these diagnosis and have all these meds thrown at you. It is maddening.

I have found the damage to my self esteem-enormous Not wanting to speak on behalf of my family, but the vibe i want to share is one of 'she's lazy'-we'' have to organize her. I don't have people over much because i'm ashamed about my untidiness. Being in my 40s, it's hard when family come over with bucket and broom yesterday i just politely said 'no'. they had come over early to straighten things up so it felt rude pushing them away. sadly like the 'low' after 'manic spree' in which i've hurt everyone-it's as though i cannot make any decisions for myself and it feels like they 'split' on me and talk about me.
most importantly though i need to appreciate them more-a lot more. it is no-one's obligation to look after an adult child-less when they're in their 70s!

Though i don't think many of them understand what having bipolar, ADHD and the remains of PTSD actually mean for me on a day-to-day basis, it's not their need to either. Except that as my son is growing in to a teenager, i find that if i avoid having them over-it becomes a "what are we going to do with her?"

I must say i sometimes lose faith in the diagnoses, thinking that it is an excuse. If it wasn't for the fact i was on disability support..and that i literally burst into tears whenever i see a huge carving knife... i'd simply say i was a lazy attention-seeking, histrionic ^&*(^%!!.

The medication: dexamphetamine and diazepam-have to be taken 4-6 hrly as i just can't cope and cry (it's clock-work) So i tell family "i'm an addict".

Thank you for the original post. 'apologize for the length of reply. It has really helped to share it with someone. I will now try to cope with leaving the house for the first time in 2-3 days! Peace for listening.

Hi Sunkist,

I always hated it when my mother came over and cleaned. She came to help when I was pregnant with twins and would be too busy cleaning to get my toddler a drink of water. So I felt ashamed of my housekeeping and at the same time saw that she put chores ahead of people, even a grandchild who was asking for help. (Of course I got up and got the water!) Anyway, people tend to judge us from their strengths, not their weaknesses, and we have to remember that we have our own strengths that might just be different than theirs.

Please stop telling your family that you are an addict. That is so unfair to you. If you were on heart meds you wouldn't say that. And if your heart made it hard to keep up with chores, no one would blame you, so don't blame yourself just because it's a different part of you that needs help. You are doing the best you can.

I definitely feel the same way my friends called me whaaa? because i would zone out when they were talking and be like what? And I've recently been called socially awkward, because I zone out and I am not good with words. As if my self-esteem isn't bad enough already...

Apparently... I already replied to this thread... oops.

I was sad, but not all that surprised really when diagnosed as bipolar. It runs in the family strongly and I knew I had the tendencies, but fought it and told myself I was "moody" yet not across that line. But still, it made sense.

I fought the obsessive compulsive personality more because I wanted to think "persistence" and not letting go of things were an advantage--yet increasingly saw the down-side, so came to terms.

But the ADHD diagnosis is one I can say I truly hate. I have always considered my extreme attention to things an advantage, but it became a curse as well. "scatter-brained" seemed something separate.

I had ZERO problem concentrating on things like school-work, but attention to excess and lack of prioritization eventually killed my academic pursuits after graduating with honors as an undergraduate. With extreme focus as one of my perceived "strong points," how could I possibly have an attention DEFICIT???? (I think rewording that label would be helpful--just attention disorder, perhaps? so much easier to swallow that bitter pill of the two edged sword).

I failed to graduate with my graduate degree after twice as many years as I had planned of extreme family tension, mounting debt, counseling for my behavioral problems that I never did conquer enough to succeed, and now I am making half the wages I thought I would be to try to repay the debt--have done that to my hard working husband. Feel like a complete failure--so ashamed.

Yet still I HATE this label--while I can accept the others. Some of it is that I seem to be "collecting" diagnoses, which makes it seem like maybe they are a crutch, even though I know better, but the more diagnoses, the more my husband think the whole thing is a crock, as he never believed in any of that stuff to begin with and never will.

Destroyed self-esteem, even with counseling. Doesn't seem right to have to have someone to prop it up forever, which adds to the lack of esteem.

Oh, I soooo relate...the people wanting to organize me...the feeling the diagnoses are excuses........

I'm amazed at how long this thread discussion has continued. It speaks to the profundity of the issue of ADD and self-esteem. It's something that has impacted painfully upon my entire life, or at least since school age (50 years).Throughout childhood and adolescence, I felt that I was stupid and inept, despite evidence to the contrary whenever I was deeply interested in a subject.

I definitely experience a slow cognitive tempo, even more so since menopause. It's maddening. And I still procrastinate like crazy. There are so many things that I should be doing, in the home, in my life. I've become extremely avoidant about those tasks. I have trouble thinking through my problems, coming up with potential solutions, implementing a plan, taking even the smallest steps. I'm sure that I know how to do this. I just won't approach it. I keep telling myself to get a kitchen timer and tackle something for 10 or 15 minutes, but I don't do it. I feel my brain works extremely slowly. I take vyvanse 20 mg. I had been on 30 mg, but I felt too anxious. I think the 20 mg is too low, however. I get so frustrated with myself for wasting so much time every day.

My bipolar disorder is less of a problem than the consequences of a life with ADHD.
I did not feel like it then, and was annoyed by talking to my psychiatrist unnecessarily.
She knew about the low self-esteem problem. She told me that I had no reason to, having been able to get university education in scheduled time and good jobs ever after, in addition to a thriving family.
It took me more than a year to realise there was something abot telling me, and to let it sink in.

Wow, I'm glad I started this thread! It's comforting to know we can all help each other in some way by talking about it.

I am diagnosed with bipolar and ADHD and take medication for both. My ADHD diagnosis does not upset me except when people tell me people with ADD/ADHD are just lazy! That upsets me!

It was mostly ADHD that gave me problems with self esteem but the added bipolar as well led to frustation of not managing work as well as I knew possible. Nobody called me lazy, the problem was that i was not socially included.
Now I tell about my ADHD, that is me, and it feels alright. But bipolar - still feel vulnerable about it. Even more with explaining that it is manic depression.Need to feel still more confident.

I'm losing ground cognitively. I don't know if it worsening depression and anxiety, ADD, menopause, or my worst fear, dementia. Last night, I could not recall what I did yesterday, whether I drove my car someplace. It took 15 minutes of trying to recall my day before I remembered that I went to a doctor's app't and to the bank. That was so disturbing.

The shame of feeling stupid in childhood and other moments when my brain wouldn't cooperate has left deep chasms in my self-esteem. I've always had strong language skills and felt that for that reason, others perceived me as more intelligent than I was.

Hi lavieenrose,
Maybe the other's perception of your intelligence is not wrong. Could it be self esteem playing tricks on you.
Find ways to explore and use your gift

hi, i'm new in here and this is my first post, don't even know if i'm doing it right. i am 68 and have had probs my whole life with focus, concentration, balance. as a result i get very frustrated and anxious. i suffer with panic and anx disorder, depression and embarrassed about how i can't follow conversations sometimes, if people talk too long, i have trouble following what they are saying and i will ask innapropiate questions that they can't seem to understand what i am asking. i guess i mean to say i don't communicate well. people have told me i'm not listening, i'm rude for interrupting them, but if i don't interrupt i will lose my thought. i'm not aware at the time of my behavior and then later looking back i get embarrassed and regret looking stupid. sometimes when i speak out inappropriately i feel i may have made myself look stupid or may have offended someone with what i think is humor. i always look back in regret. i'm now realizing that i push people away from me and stay home more than go out, it's safe at home. i have been losing friends and family members, i'm realizing people don't seem to want me around, i think i stress them out or i don't always make sense to them so now that i am aware of this i am afraid to make new friends, i feel why bother, u won't have them very long. it's getting pretty boring and lonely staying home so much. i do have friends, don't get me wrong, but i notice i keep pushing them away and cutting them off, this is happening more and more and i don't know how to change things. i think i was diagnosed with add or adhd, a long time ago but at that time i didn't understand it and didn't accept it. i don't like taking any kind of medication so i don't take it but i now realize i need some help if i am ever to live any kind of fulfilling, happy life. i would like to find a support group and attend, does anyone know of any in the san fernando valley???

When I was in school, I always seemed to get the "not working up to potential" comment on my report card

I was only 10 at the time and always asked myself " how do they know what my potential WAS??"