[greensky602]

I face difficulty sustaining attention to work that is boring, although it may be important. It takes a lot of mental exertion to pay attention to boring subjects, but I do notice the relevance of the subject, and I do want to be attentive to important work, but I lack maturity to handle situations that don't interest me. I often do what fits my mood instead of pushing forward to complete important tasks. I am trying to train my mind to handle work, and to discard all subjects that aren't on the priority list. I am 25 years old, however, I feel very dumb for my age because I don't know much about anything. I feel like a teenager looking for interesting stimulation. I'm ungrounded, constantly daydreaming about comforting situations. I feel weak minded, and would like to grow up and face reality and do things that take priority over my interests. Life is greatly about working. I would like to work, but first I need to learn how to. Does anyone have any suggestions or insight into my situation? Thank you.

[Perna]

I'm 60. You might have been describing me at your age except I don't have ADD.

You have to decide what you want, what sort of person you want to be and work toward that. I took a part-time job 20 years ago doing just office work that I found boring (primarily filing and xeroxing). I had been an office manager before that and very good at tasks I "liked" and could do easily/well. But I decided I had a new philosophy that I wanted to be able to do whatever needed to be done as well as I could do it (and, if I applied myself, that was very well).

My part-time job project didn't work 100% (another reason I took the part-time job was I was starting/stopping temporary/part-time jobs to get experience interviewing and quitting jobs as both those types of actions scared me) but I did learn more about myself and did come up with some good "thoughts".

Yes, you are immature, but that is just in a "time" sense, nothing to be ashamed of. You don't have much experience, at any particular task or situation set, so you can't be good at doing it yet. I understood that lesson when I was in the kitchen peeling potatoes one night to make mashed potatoes for dinner. I hated peeling potatoes, felt I was horrible at it. I then realized that my stepmother would give me that job occasionally and she was really good at it. She would use a knife and peel a zillion potatoes to my one poorly peeled one done with a potato peeler. I didn't realize the difference wasn't that she was better at it than me but that she had more experience than I did! IF I peeled more potatoes, got more experience, I could be really good at it too but I'd have to put in the time peeling potatoes. It wasn't that my stepmother was a better person, just that she was older/more experienced.

If a situation doesn't interest you, why are you there? It's your life, you should only be doing things that get you going to where you want to go? Yes, sometimes where we want to go takes us through mud but, we don't have to "notice" that, other than to watch our footing well, because we are going elsewhere and this is just the route we have to take to get there. To become a master cabinet maker you have to first sweep a lot of sawdust up off the floor as an apprentice.

Use your imagination to see how what you are asked to do fits in with what you want to learn or where you want to go. Make what you need to learn a personal quest; make what you want to learn harder than what you need to learn and what you are asked to do, do more than that of the same stuff, just for practice and to master it well.

Don't discard items not on the priority list if you like them, just use them to "reward" or rest yourself after doing things more difficult or tedious for you. Look forward to doing them. I made a collage of household "chores" and rolled a dice to see which one I would do for 10 minutes each morning, first thing, but in there were "fun" activities too; going to the dollar store and buying any one item and then bringing it home and using it productively (in a chore of some sort). The creativity and excitement of finding "the" thing I wanted/chose and figuring out how to make it fit in with the spirit of doing chores made it fun. I also had a "free" day roll so I didn't have to do anything that day and I might have had a "choice" day so I could choose which of the types of work to do (I never chose cleaning bathrooms for some reason :-)

Use your comforting situation and go toward it. Want a soft chair, laptop and time to use it? Find a soft chair online you love and get a job and work toward getting it (and then work on the laptop (or any order you want) and schedule time into your life just for that situation. I long ago realized that I couldn't have a soft, clean bed to sleep in if I didn't occasionally change my sheets :-) Honestly, the bed feels that much better doing the work myself to make it so! "Plan" the whole task (stripping your bed, learning to do laundry and laundering your sheets, remaking your bed, taking a nice, hot shower and getting into that bed with a good book) and look forward to the end result as you are doing each piece but also take pride in what you are doing in the middle. If you learn to wash sheets, you will then know more about doing laundry in general. Imagine finding out you enjoy doing laundry and get a job in a laundry and gradually work your way up until you own the laundry :-) You can't know what you might like/not like in reality until you try it and there's a whole lot to try out there! I use to like "reading" the yellow pages of the phone book, imagining what doing each of the weird jobs might be like.

Here, try this book; I found it both exciting and helpful: http://wishcraft.com/

[Junerain]

I face the same thing, my one love is helping people, I am very likeable in interviews, and landed many jobs in human services, which subsequently I was fired from whenever the work got tedious or not emotionally stimluating. I had friends, yet I needed them around ALL the time in order to maintain emotional stimulation, needed them and their comforting words, in the face of my own immaturity and lack of interest in the world. (Except PC, I can express myself online better than in person, my deep desire to help people..)

I cannot remain in one place for too long, I cannot keep up with broing things like cleaning and cooking...

Many people did not have a lot in common with me...I found myself isolated and picked on...

I had to meet the RIGHT people..and find the RIGHT job..which my problem not being able to stay in the same place..came in handy...even after being fired from 58 jobs..I continued to put myself out there..and I applied at a little family restaurant and rose to head server, the family loved me, my confidence grew tenfold. All the places I would go in search of meaningful stimulation led to good and true friends (from karaoke bars) and churches I would join, (until I found the RIGHT church) and support groups I would even become leaders at.

This world is a very misunderstanding place of our type of personality, I still face a lot of discrimination! I hold my head up high knowing how far I have come, by having the guts to continue to put myself out there, I had a feeling that i wasnt the bad person the world made me out to be, that the employers were wrong for discriminating, that I was in the RIGHT!!

My friends and boyfriend are non judgmental, patient, wonderful people with big, big hearts..

At 25 I still didnt know all this I would go through...but hindsight tells me that I feel for you, whatever you are facing may be different, you are a different person, but I identify and care for you deeply....

Pm me anytime, my dear friend, may life's paths lead you eventually to a healthy place, hopefully sooner than later...

[slightlysane]

Nice to read people with some struggles as my own. I also got fired from lots of jobs. and realized myself three years ago as it seemed I was about to be fired again that I had ADHD/Inattentive Type. Tired of the "grow up" comments. Even recently I colored an egg for my pastor and gave it to a woman who works with him and she replied in a slightly sarcastic tone, "How old are you?" UGH! I almost had a perfect day. Thought I was stupid even after gaining a Masters degree. Found a good therapist online and he really helped me to see that I was not stupid and that I had gifts. Potential. So this is a good place to vent. I even read today where Lady Gaga said she still feels like the loser in High School. It appeared like she wasn't that type at all because of how she performs. I listened to Dr. Hallowell today online and he said that if you suspect you have ADD to not tell your employer because they will think that it is a made up problem. And that is how many people think even in the Social Service field where I am employed. Its nice to know that I am not stupid or lazy or whatever. Sometimes I wish my employer could live inside my brain for one week. Maybe they would have more compassion.

[Junerain]

Slightlysane, I was touched by your story. I was wondering, are you a human services professional now, helping others with problems as you once had? Would love to hear more about you, would love it if you shared more

[slightlysane]

Originally Posted by Junerain

Slightlysane, I was touched by your story. I was wondering, are you a human services professional now, helping others with problems as you once had? Would love to hear more about you, would love it if you shared more

Hi Junerain,

Needed that hug today. I found out about ADD online chat a few weeks ago but didn't try any. But then Dr Hallowell said the best support is online ADD chat/blogs. So here I am! I needed that extra encouragement.

I facilitate 2 parenting groups in an agency and visit 4 families in their homes and help them gain parenting skills. Most are court ordered. I don't work with people with ADHD. But I was thinking that maybe since I have ADD I could help others now. Especially children. Well adults too. My whole life I thought i was just stupid!!! Then I realized myself I might have ADD. I also have a slight learning disorder. It feels so good knowing I have a disorder!!!!! What else did you want to know?

[Junerain]

How are you able to do such an important job with ADD? I guess I could never do that, cause, whenever it's something important I freeze up, or has to do with details or paperwork, or anything monotonous, anything involving decisions, anything assertive. I have schizoaffective also Wish I didnt....perhaps then I could truly make a difference **sigh**

[slightlysane]

Originally Posted by Junerain

How are you able to do such an important job with ADD? I guess I could never do that, cause, whenever it's something important I freeze up, or has to do with details or paperwork, or anything monotonous, anything involving decisions, anything assertive. I have schizoaffective also Wish I didnt....perhaps then I could truly make a difference **sigh**

Hi Junerain,

I could write for HOURS describing everything I went through to get to this point. I was very scared when I first started. Sitting in a group full of people!!! It took me 6 years to get used to it. About a year ago I went on Zoloft and that seemed to help. Then in February I went on Adderall. I thought I couldn't work with one group 5 years ago and was going to inform my supervisor. But somehow I forced myself. I didn't want to give up. I think part of that was because at home I was meant to feel like a nothing. I felt invisible. But in this job I feel important. And that was the driving force. And I liked the department. I started there as an intern. And worked lots of part-time stupid jobs just to stay there. Like having a Masters degree and transporting teens to their therapy groups. A job for someone with no degree. I can't believe now that I can do everything that goes along with this job. There is a A LOT of paperwork. I tried several organization tips like color coding. And I write EVERYTHING down now when I talk to my supervisor. Before i felt embarassed. Sometimes I even go into work on saturdays when the building is open to catch up on my paperwork!!!!!

Being shy my whole life I didn't even know how to act! So I watched other people on my floor and acted like them. Now I feel mostly confident in myself. But my online therapist really helped me with that. He encouraged me a lot. And it is very hard to find the right therapist. I have tried sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo many. I remember reading recently about feeling blasted down and wanting to give up when others make a stupid comment and don't understand.

I felt like you in my past. My self esteem was dragging on the ground like a wet blanket. I felt important when I drove through the gate in the coded parking lot! Can you imagine? Feeling important over that? But little things like that helped me to feel good about myself. Even signing out an agency car helped me to feel important.

Reading those Chicken Soup books helped me to feel good. Because they have encouraging stories.

There are so many stories and feelings I could write here about my experiences. I still do not feel super confident but enough to do the job. And people tell me I am funny. But I can't really be silly in this job. I got yelled at so many times for acting "Unprofessional." So I stay in my office a lot. It took guts for me to even ask a supervisor for a printer in my room. When she said no, I waited a few months then asked my direct supervisor. Because I told her it would help me if i wasn't running out to the other printer because of my ADD. And by then I had a private eval to show them.

Trust me I could go on and on with stories here. Like that phrase,"If I could do it anyone could." Though I don't think I would fit in with another agency. Because people in this field tend to wear those professional masks I hate so much and other places wear more than one!

Everything you wrote above about yourself I have been there hundreds of times. I thank God everyday for keeping me in this job.

PS: Just want to add that it took me 11 to get my undergrad in art and 11 years to get my Masters degree. I went Part-time. Didn't think I would ever get a Masters!!!!!