[OrderAndRandomness]

I'm new here and am looking for some support and feedback on a lot of conflicts I'm going through.

I'm 25 (26 on Saturday) - Living in NYC. I am an executive assistant to 2 agents at one of the top talent agencies in the city. I have been here for well over a year. I handle 75+ clients' schedules/auditions/payments in addition to running an entire department within the company. People always ask why I am so happy. I am VERY outgoing, constantly smiling and consider myself to have a great personality. My Mom always tells me "Everyone loves you...you're such a good person" -- Sounds like a great life huh? Well, that's just the half of it.

On the other half I was diagnosed with ADHD about 2 years ago and have been on Adderall ever since. I've managed to maintain the same dosage for quite sometime, and still feeling the positive effects. I am horrible with my money. In the past 2 years I've been in 2 different apartments, both times having to return home with my parents. My first apartment I went months without paying rent simply because I fell behind 1 month and got scared to call the landlord to discuss it. That snowballed into my ignoring it for 6 months and eventually being forced to move home and my parents had to pay for my disaster. I'm in an apartment now but I owe my roommate (who willingly put money down for me) so much money and cannot repay her. I avoid going home just so I don't have to deal with it.

The smallest problems end up turning into disasters because I avoid confronting them because I'm SO SCARED of everything. I often lie and make up stories to avoid certain situations. I used to have so many friends but have lost many of them due to my lying/avoiding scenarios. I can never keep plans, and often end up going home and deciding to be alone. Instead of calling friends and saying I don't feel like fulfilling our plans, I just ignore their texts/calls wanting to know where I am and end up lying the next day saying I fell asleep or my phone died.

I lied my entire way through school and my childhood. I finished HS with "okay" grades, mostly C's and B's. It took me 6 years to finish college and I still didn't -- It's actually quite sad because I'm 24 credits away from my degree and luckily work in an industry and just cares if you have good connections and personality versus a degree.

I've hurt so many people with my lies and deception. I made extremely bad decisions that could one day end me in A LOT of trouble. I've had a history of speeding/parking tickets that I would avoid and never pay, until there were warrants out for my arrest to pay them. Again, my Dad, who is a cop, got me out of that.

My parents have always saved me thank god. Both of my previous relationships with men have ended bc of my insecurities or lies and I'm scared that I will be alone for the rest of my life.

I'm willing to see a therapist and I am looking into one now but, I work 13 hour days sometimes and often cannot keep my appointments. Most people in this world want to win the lotto, be famous and popular. I just want to repair my relationship with myself, my family and my friends. I want to smile again and it's looking like that possibility is getting further and further away. I'd love some feedback or similar stories.

Thanks I'm looking forward to being part of this community and helping others while helping myself.

[ospreyguy]

I was a constant liar as a kid. I guess I still am but not as bad... Funny thing is I have a 5 yr old daughter who is dong the exact same things I did. I got busted so many times changing grades or signing my parents names to bad reports all to avoid that confrontation. I have learned to deal with it mostly... I'm 30 now and the father of 2 girls. I am married to a wonderful person I can be very open with, and I guess that is my saving grace. I do not feel any fear in telling her anything...

We have owned a business together, lost a business together, filed bankruptcy together, and lost a house together. At that point not much else to hide.

My suggestion, get the therapist. Some work weekends. Find one that will and talk.

[OrderAndRandomness]

I used to change grades on everything. I'd hide report cards, tell my parents "it wasn't ready" because a teacher made a mistake. I could go on and on about the stories I've lied about. I hoped I would grow out of it once I wasn't a kid anymore. It's weird, I'm 25 and I still am scared that I'll get "in trouble" - very childish way of thinking.

I'm looking into a therapist on the weekends, not finding any though. It's tough