[Italianma]

So, am i wrong? MY 17 year old son with ADHD and Depression was yelling at me tonight bc supper was not ready. I firmly, told him he needs to stop yelling at me and he would have to wait the food was cooking.. Well, he went off and started yelling louder and said for me to leave him alone and knocked over a tv tray, went to his room and slam the door. Should I have just left him alone? When he has moments like that I feel the need to make sure he understands that he cannot disrespect me like that, but it backfires on me sometimes because he is too angry. How should I handle this next time?

[Caretaker Leo]

Oh, big hugs to you! Been there, done that. No fun and so grateful it is over for me.

The combination of a son at any age with ADHD is stressful.

Age 17 was one of the toughest years I dealt with raising my sons. (I have 3 sons). I think their hormones and strong impulses to become more independent and start breaking away from family is probably typical for the age. I did discover that ADHD (2 of my sons) made it much more difficult.

Just wish I could really give you the right answer - but every situation is different.

Thinking back, my Ex would have gone in and read the kid the riot act. (Not very helpful and made things worse most of the time). On the other end of the teeter-totter of parenting...My own reaction was to go deaf to my son's noise. I tended to avoid confrontation. (Mom burn-out maybe)? Now I realize that wasn't helpful either...

So, in 20/20 hindsight, my thought is that I think your decision to let him blow off steam and leave him alone for a time might be good for both of you.

My best suggestion for situations like this is to wait until stuff calms down before you try to talk to him. Then talk calmly and let him know that he can't disrespect you that way. Also make him pick up any mess or repair any damage he caused during his tantrum. The hardest part about all of this is that you will have to repeat, repeat, repeat.

[lynn P.]

Sorry this happened and no I don't think you're wrong ((Italianma)). He could easily get a snack and wait. Its not like you weren't making it. He's old enough to wait and shouldn't be demanding. Is he in treatment?

[Italianma]

Originally Posted by lynn P.

Sorry this happened and no I don't think you're wrong ((Italianma)). He could easily get a snack and wait. Its not like you weren't making it. He's old enough to wait and shouldn't be demanding. Is he in treatment?

Thanks for your concern, right now the only treatment my son gets is meds and I think the stress of life changing is getin to him, making things worse. I have been trying to get him into treatment, without force.. he was there when little and hated his counselor. We have a lot to overcome just to get him back there. I know it would be best for him and I am determined to get him there. The sad thing is that he has learned some of this behavior from his father and he also needs treatment, but won't go. I have many decisions to make.

[Italianma]

Originally Posted by Caretaker Leo

Oh, big hugs to you! Been there, done that. No fun and so grateful it is over for me.

The combination of a son at any age with ADHD is stressful.

Age 17 was one of the toughest years I dealt with raising my sons. (I have 3 sons). I think their hormones and strong impulses to become more independent and start breaking away from family is probably typical for the age. I did discover that ADHD (2 of my sons) made it much more difficult.

Just wish I could really give you the right answer - but every situation is different.

Thinking back, my Ex would have gone in and read the kid the riot act. (Not very helpful and made things worse most of the time). On the other end of the teeter-totter of parenting...My own reaction was to go deaf to my son's noise. I tended to avoid confrontation. (Mom burn-out maybe)? Now I realize that wasn't helpful either...

So, in 20/20 hindsight, my thought is that I think your decision to let him blow off steam and leave him alone for a time might be good for both of you.

My best suggestion for situations like this is to wait until stuff calms down before you try to talk to him. Then talk calmly and let him know that he can't disrespect you that way. Also make him pick up any mess or repair any damage he caused during his tantrum. The hardest part about all of this is that you will have to repeat, repeat, repeat.

Thank you for sharing you experience. It makes me feel good to know that some else can appreciate what I am going through. It really is hard to know when to step in and handle a situation like this, because like you said most of the time when you do, it makes matters worse! But, my spouse most of the time jumps all over our son and most of the time overreacts and that doesn't help either. This leaves me feeling like my hands are tied as a parent. I want to teach my son what is right, but also want to be understanding of the issues he faces having ADHD and Depression. Yet, I don't want him to think he can live his life using those issues as an excuse for his behaviors.

[lancetrot]

Hi Italianma
When people are suffering from ADHD/Depression, Their mind is totally out of their control they will turn deaf ear to you when you are trying to make them understand a few things which you feel imperative for the betterment of their behavior. They will be in no mood to listen to you. It is better to leave them at that time. anything we tryout to pacify or soothe will definitely backfire. It is difficult but no other way.