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#1
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What if your spouse helps the diagonoses of a child who has mild ADHD. Mine influenced the school system because she could not handle him. I have since left her took the children with me and he is fine and making great grades.
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#2
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One of the important elements of diagnosing ADHD in kids and adults is that the problems associated with ADHD show up in more than one context. For example, the child may do very well at home and in activities, but not at school. That would not meet the criteria for diagnosis. But if they have problems in more than one area, such as at both parents' homes, or at home and at school, then the diagnosis is likely valid.
Given that, those with ADHD can benefit from structure in their environments. So if one environment has more structure and routine, the child's behavior might look very different than when he/she is in a less structured environment. That could account for the difference you see. What does the school say? gg
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