[Kiddo88]

Okay, I have officially been diagnose with combined type ADHD and am undergoing treatment. My husband and I have always disagreed so much and fought (with words ONLY) a lot. Now that my adhd is controlled, I'm not having the feeling anymore that everything is my fault. But, the fighting- while it has diminished a bit, hasn't been effected much in terms of ceasing. My husband has some bad habits, like not wanting to change his clothing a lot. Wearing the same clothing (pants) for many days and doesn't seem to know when they need to be changed. I constantly have to remind him of things (i.e. take your medicine, take out the trash, carry the hamper downstairs, brush your teeth, make sure you don't take more of your medicine than you should ((this has happened by accident before, but never dangerously))...etc) but if it's something he wants to do or is really interested in, he NEVER forgets. I have told him MULTIPLE times that I'm NOT* his mother. He doesn't seem to get that. He won't do something and I will always remind him nightly if its really important (like taking his BP medicine) and sometimes he will say "Why would I NOT take my medicine?..." but that's only if he is really upset or angry about something. This boggles my mind as I have HAD to wake him up multiple times to take it! Why did he not take it then?! He will tell me he will change something (such as changing clothing without being asked, and he will do it for a couple days and then be right back to the old ways. When I address this he will be completely suprised. He always says he thought he was doing a lot better at it...) Sigh... I thought for a long time he was just doing this because he knew I would remind him. I quit reminding him, just to see if perhaps it was partly my fault for "nagging" him but no- it didn't change anything.
If he is doing something he really likes, say fixing something (he is a computer technician) and I talk to him while he is doing it he will know I'm talking to him but when it comes time for him to respond with something more than a "uh-huh" he will just look at me like I'm an alien. He will say something to the extent of "I guess I was just too focused on what I was doing...what did you say?"
Another thing is that he rarely EVER gets mad. But when he finally does (which actually just started happening in the past 5-7 months- since he went on an SSRI for "depression") he gets really angry and upset and will go into crying spells. He just says how awful of a person he is because he can't do things the same as everyone else and he loves me so much, but yet he can't change the simple things that anyone could change.
He also tries to hide everything from me. If he's mad, angry, upset, financial problems....things like that. He says he doesn't want to stress me although I have told him so many times that he needs to share those things with me. It seems like NO MATTER how many times I tell him something, he just won't get it through his head. He acts like he completely understands and is having a revelation and will change it from now on....then it always ends up the same. Him still doing the things and me at a loss for an explanation besides that he "doesn't care about me".... When he is mad, he wants to talk to me about the issue, but when we do I KNOW it will be a fight and no one will win. I mean, he says I'm always trying to flip his words around. I don't do this. He says I always try to throw things up in his face, which I don't do. I have said both of these things to him before, so I'm wondering if he is just trying to copy how I feel. Which he does a lot. He will rarely ever tell me his opinion, but when he does and I tell him my opinion he will act like he automatically changes to mine (except about a few select things) but its hard to tell if he ever really does. It just seems like he is always just trying to tell me what I want to hear. He says that he doesn't do that- but then the next time we talk about it he will tell me that he never even realized he did it.... like, his answers change almost every single time a questions is asked.
He does seem to be effected by my emotions (especially crying) but doesn't know how to handle it. When I cry he always tries to hug me a lot and tell me it's okay and that he hates it when I cry, etc. He can pick up on me being sad, angry, upset etc but only if I feel those things very strongly and I have stopped talking or something along those lines. Not generally from emotion cues.

Now, the next part. He is INSANELY intelligent. I don't know of one mechanical thing that this man can't fix. He is also pretty good at math. AMAZING at art. He draws things like NO ONE I have ever met and with such ease. When he was in high school he also got "fixated" on weight lifting (could be from being a large child and getting picked on, though....) and did it all the time. He had a lot of "friends" that he hung out with almost constantly, but he would never approach them. They always had to come to him. Now, that he is older and people don't come to him he just doesn't have friends. He has no interests outside of me and our kids. He doesn't like to do things without me (not quite separation anxiety, because I have that.... he just doesn't like it and it makes him a little uneasy)
Also, he can't stand not having a job. He rarely ever misses work. Less than 5 times a year. Although, if one of our kids need something during the day, like they have a doctor appointment he will get out of work at that time to take them. He also doesn't mind taking his yearly vacations, but generally I have to tell him multiple times to put in for them.

Moral of the story is that I'm at a loss. I love him so very much and want nothing more than to help him and make him feel better about himself and ease his mind. He is always saying that there is "something really screwed up" about him. I know he loves me, I really do- I just wish I could feel that more.

I guess what I'm asking is if sounds like he should get tested for aspergers and how I can handle this and help him handle it

[layla11]

Hi, my husband does alot of the same things you are talking about. I think it probably wouldn't hurt to have your husband tested, but maybe some of it has to do with the medications hes on. If hes BP, I would read the side effects of his medications. Something, I rarely do myself and should. It could have alot to do with his BP illness. Hope things get better for both of you.

[Kiddo88]

Originally Posted by layla11

Hi, my husband does alot of the same things you are talking about. I think it probably wouldn't hurt to have your husband tested, but maybe some of it has to do with the medications hes on. If hes BP, I would read the side effects of his medications. Something, I rarely do myself and should. It could have alot to do with his BP illness. Hope things get better for both of you.

I'm sorry! I should have been more specific! By BP I mean "blood pressure"! I'm sorry for the confusion. He has high blood pressure, not Bipolar. The only thing he has been diagnosed with is depression. But I really think its more. Oh, btw I'm also OCD and have a health phobia, I always look up meds.

My goodness... The way you are describing your husband sounds like the classic male (Non-Hyper) ADD. I could almost check-off every behavior you describe on a list with my name on it. If he has been DX'd with BP, it is worth looking into ADD. There are Many similarities.

My doc suspected BP, so he refered my to a psychiatrist who ruled out BP and quickly suggested ADD. I was 43 and had No Idea...