trying to help someone

This is a question I guess to parents of a child with ADHD.

I work as a social worker with the elderly. But some of my client's are raising their grandchildren. One of my ladies has a grandchild she's raising with ADHD and in the last month has been having a very hard time controlling their behavior. She's asked for help from the childs therapist. They told her they would give her a caseworker to come in and help her. Well it's been months and still no caseworker. While making a visit with her yesterday her grandchild became out of control. Ripping out the phone from the wall. Throwing things around the room.

One issue is that they stayed with other family last week that did not give them their medicine for the ADHD. The other family member said that the child didn't need it. She has a court order that the child is to be given their med.

How do I help this grandparent get their grandchild under control where she can handle them? Yesterday I got the child calmed down and got them to take a shower and check the mail. Also got them to take their med by saying if they took their med they could watch a TV show. The child agreed to behavior the rest of the day yesterday and their reward was that they could ride their bike today. The child agreed to behavior and do as their grandmother said for a month and on my next visit I would bring them a photo album for their pictures. Am I doing the right thing with this child?? The child is 9 years old. Will this system work??? And does anyone have any ideas where I could get information for my client? This grandparent is at the end of her rope and ready to send the child off. The parents of the child are not of any help. The mother is a drug additic and the father is in prison with a life sentence. If I could have any tips I could give her it would be helpful.

Thanks, Lisa

Lisa, it sounds like your instincts were correct with this little girl. You redirected her and rewarded her for doing something positive.

One thing you don't want to do with oppositional kids is use "if/then" statements, because that leaves them the option of not doing it and leaving you with a "what if I don't, then what?" situation. Luckily it worked this time with her taking her medicine, but the grandmom should try to avoid using "if you do..." statements as much as possible. You want to use "when you..../then you..." statements.

As far as the one-month good behavior goal, maybe getting a calendar and some stickers that she likes so she can track her progress would help. She agreed to it yesterday, but 30 days is a long time for any kid.

My daughter isn't hyperactive, but does have a horrible attention span. Something that helps with her when she's trying to do homework and stay on task is a timer. I got a digital one at Wal-Mart for $5 (Baker's Secret brand). She would set it for 15 minutes, and at the 10 minute mark it beeps 3 times and at the 5 minute mark it beeps 4 times, so it was reminder that she was making progress, even if it was only in 5-minute increments. With a kid who can't stay focused for 2 minutes on an unpleasant task, 5 minutes is a major improvement.

My son can get a real attitude sometimes. I always want to stand there arguing with him to go to his room or leave the person that he's bothering alone, but it just makes everything worse. You need to ignore the bad behavior. If you give them attention of any kind, good or bad, they're just going to keep up the destructive stuff because it's getting them attention, right? I'd try turning my back to her when she's throwing a tantrum or destroying things, walk out of the room if possible. Don't make any eye contact or talk to her. (I'm finding kids are a lot like dogs in this regard. If you don't give them attention for bad behavior, they'll stop what they're doing to come up to you and get it in a calmer manner).

Good luck. Hopefully your stepping in and taking action will get the ball rolling so they'll get the help they were told they'd get.

more than likely the child was playing up more because you were there because add/adhd children thrive on getting attention, so if they cant get attention for being good a lot of children will pick up that bad behaviour will get a reaction so like wi fighter said only reward the good behaviour, small tasks and rewards like a chart and stickers then something after so many stickers is a good idea, if you are only visting monthly just tell them next time you come because a month is a long time to a any child but a month is a very long time for add/adhd children, i learnt the hard way and i am still having problems, read up on adhd/add there are some good sites out there, it will help more if the child recives there meds regularly ritilin will only last for 4hours at a time ,my son changed to concerta its a slow release drug
good luck

I have a website for her. www.connectwithkids.com. They have programs that are in schools all over the country, dealing with every issue a child ( and parent)faces today. They have a video called Bright Kids,Bad Grades. And also one called Against all Odds, (which has to do with raising successful kids) which I think will be of some help.
We parents need to stick together !