[fibincheeseland]

Horrible coincidence that hits my main issues of dislike of authority and dislike of my wifes exboyfriends.

So embarrassing. My wife used to date my boss 25 years ago sometime between grades 7 & 10. Stupid I know. But makes me sick to the point of dryheaving and panic attacks.

There is no issues between them. They see No problem with this past whatever it was and have no contact with each other or any feelings toward each other. Neither talks about and both downplay it. I do not even know what the specifics actually are. In a nutshell they are both over it a long time ago.

I also feel No jealousness that they would rehookup. The issue is that I completely loathe the fact that I have to answer to him as my boss. I hate bosses naturally and to add on that he has "spent" time with my wife makes it intolerable to interact with him even though they dated at an age where nothing sexually major happened. The problem is all me and having this hanging over my head in my professional work setting; this embarrassing and disgusting secret makes it very stressful and awful for me.

It is so dumb. They were like 13. We are talking 1980s this happened. I just hate that he the boss has this little nugget of a secret over me like an extra nudge of power and I have to be submissive and take it. And I know this feeling is from lack of confidence and is a pretty ticky tack thing to obsess about.

How do I get over it? It haunts me. I cannot get over this. Has haunted me for nine years. For some reas on it is really bad lately. Panic attacks. They blow it off. Noone really cares but me. It is affecting daily life. Give me coping skills please.

The panic has subsided since I first wrote this, But I know that it will come back and I need to be ready.

[fibincheeseland]

Thanks, I have simmered down, but need to be ready for when the wave returns. If it was just a friend thing it would be no big deal, or even if we were just coworkers, not an issue. The real issue is the embarassment I feel and the fact that it is my boss and the whole power thing it has. I hate bosses, authority in the first place and then to add something like this makes it bad. He gets to direct me and I have to be compliant PLUS hey I ****ed around with your wife 25 years ago in an some sort of awful awkward junior high fashion. Burns my ***, though he has never even referenced it to me or throw it into my face. He wonders why I have never been nice to him or hang out other than at company functions. And it puts unneeded stress on my wife because I bring the grudgy pissiness home and it affects our pretty much other than this solid marriage. We actually still love each other after 19 years (tomorrow), 23 total. Yeah screw it, not important enough to worry about, it is not like he raped our dog, silly ********. Vent and take it semi-public and it goes away. Thanks all for answering me and all you stalkers for reading. haha

[Travelinglady]

I suggest you talk to a counselor about it.

[Maus5321]

I agree with payne1 on this one. I do know where your coming from also. But I have not ever been in this exact situation your in. But I can definitely relate with obsessing over something where no one else sees it as a big deal but you. It can be frustrating. As payne1 said. Talking to a counselor or therapist might be good to help you unravel the obsession.

[montanan4ever]

I'm adding my voice to the therapy vote. This is something that you're unlikely to resolve using an Internet forum. A reaction this huge is a real bugger to think your way out of without some in person assistance. It sounds like you have underlying issues that are contributing to this outsized reaction, too, that could use some exploration and help.

[1Buster]

Are you on meds for your anxiety? Talk to your doc about some testing to see what's going on in your noodle.

I have problems with irrational anger too. Along with ADHD, I have Depression and Anxiety. I didn't know I had Depression and Anxiety until we did the testing for ADHD. I didn't know what the symptoms were. Read about them and see how they fit. Good luck.