[yellowfrog268]

How many on this sub forum have encountered these types of statements:

1. "Yeah right you have ADD/ADHD! Seems like every joker who can't get his act together has ADD these days"

2. "All you need to do is (pick one) change your eating/sleeping/exercising/study habits and you'll be fine"

3. "You don't look like you have a problem"

4. "That's just an excuse for (fill in the blank) behavior"

[lynn P.]

(((yellowfrog268))) - I agree those statements are unfair for anyone suffering with ADD/ADHD.

[eskielover]

The problem is that some of the behavior can come across as other issues....like living with my stbxh for 33 years of what constantly was passive aggressive behavior & I won't take care of even if I say I will......to end up being Dx'ed with adult ADD.......even our pdoc said that he didn't think it was the cause of all his problems....I had ENOUGH!!!!! & it was abusive to me & still is the things I'm going through trying to deal with him to get the divorce......so whether it is ADD or not.......the behavior treats me in an abusive way I is something that I can't accept.

It's a tough thing to deal with that's for sure & after so many years of living with someone in an abusive relationship, it's hard to just go....ah gee, ADD.........

But I definitely understand how those sentences could be used...especially when comedians who are ADD use them in their comedy

Shoot, even I can relate to all the rabbit trails my mind runs on when I'm trying to reply to a post & I'm not even ADD.....so I think we all struggle with aspects of this if we stop & think about it.

[yellowfrog268]

I am going for an eval at the start of August but had ADHD dx as a kid.

Although I"ve not encountered these comments personally, I have heard them uttered at other people who have the diagnosis.

[lostconfusedhopeles]

YES thats exactly what i get told daily about pretty much everything i do.

Yeah I had people say that "It's just an excuse for being a spoiled brat" or "Everyone has ADHD" or "It's because you play video games and watch TV".

Light symptoms of ADHD or normal but ADHD, like most mental disorders are exaggerated symptoms of the norm so people assume that it's just a joke.

[Maus5321]

I think to though the people who say its a joke etc etc or say demeaning things to people who have it, are just preying on who they perceive to be weak. Granted this not the case for everyone but some people who do it, do it to make themselves feel better. It is one of those things you just cannot explain to people to get them to understand unless they could live in your shoes for a day.

I remember my phlebotomy teacher was talking about her son in class to some of my classmates. He is in elementary school but right now, but I guess he is falling behind or they had him take some tests I suppose and he did really poor on the easy questions but as the test questions got harder he answered questions that kids normally are not able to answer. So they mentioned to her he may have add and wanted her to have him get more testing etc etc. But this was just after a shooting at school, and she said that she did not want her son to receive any mental health treatment, be put on medication and shoved in the back corner of the room and forgotten about. Also she did not say it during the same day, but prior to that she was saying some stuff to after the shooting people who are on any kind of medication for mental issues should not be allowed to own fire arms etc etc. should be under a closer eye. Man it was getting me fired up. I wanted to say something so bad, it took everything I had not to because to me that is a close minded and naive way to think. One of my fellow class mates was like she is not talking about you, but its like if she thinks people receiving medication should be watched more, how come she was letting me go around in her class poking people with needles to draw there blood, I could of used it as a weapon or something. Not that I would just saying she should of been scared of me from what she was saying. I had mentioned my adhd to her because we had to do a drug screen and I had never done while taking adderall before so I asked if she ever had any students who had dealt with it in the past and if there was anything special they had to do. She knew I had something while still holding these conversations. I even did mention a couple times though to them while holding one of them, that I am on medication for a mental health condition. There reply is I am different. really lol! How am I different after listening to all you said. They just latch on get negative images of mental health patients no matter what or who they and what they have dealt with in there life. The cases they see on tv are the most extreme cases. Not all people can be lumped together like that.

Alright off my soap box, I went way off to much on a tangent.

[Maus5321]

Oh and to answer your question, I have gotten a couple of the things you mentioned said to me, such as thats an excuse so you can be lazy, or number 2 I have had. I have read about number 1 in a couple books, pseudo add for the win!

[-jimi-]

Every non health forum I'm on thinks ADHD is made up and fake.

[D157R4C73D]

I've certainly noticed that people look down on the condition.

All I have to say to them is that if I could find some sort of magic solution that motivated me and let me spend hours concentrating on a task I'd probably use it.

And, unfortunately, video games seem to do that for me.

It's rough because people don't seem to think I'm cut out to do anything even remotely important, but they don't want me at low level jobs either. Can't really win.

[Maus5321]

Originally Posted by D157R4C73D

I've certainly noticed that people look down on the condition.

All I have to say to them is that if I could find some sort of magic solution that motivated me and let me spend hours concentrating on a task I'd probably use it.

And, unfortunately, video games seem to do that for me.

It's rough because people don't seem to think I'm cut out to do anything even remotely important, but they don't want me at low level jobs either. Can't really win.

Kind of sums me up, I cannot seem to handle things deemed important, yet I always seem to be performing below what everyone else perceives as my abilities. But what do they know

[growlithing]

ADHD is definitely taken way too lightly by society. The only symptoms they really understand is being distractible and being "hyper". If I tell someone I have ADHD, they'll acknowledge it but then a week later look at me weird when I open my backpack and a hurricane of disorganized papers and random junk falls out, or get really angry with me for constantly shaking my legs, or ask me to do two separate things at once. If I were to say I was dyslexic (which I probably am to an extent), everyone would forgive me for having issues reading out loud, but explaining that I have ADHD doesn't usually help anyone understand my disorganized and unfocused existence.

I think the problem is that it is WAY too over diagnosed in small children. People know ADHD has the "badly behaved kid" problem and ADD is anyone who is "random" and full of life. Personally, I don't think I'm random. My thoughts move from place to place very quickly, but it isn't completely "random". People rarely ever truly meet an adult living with the full, real deal.

I wanted to note that I can't subscribe to the whole video games can make someone easily distractible/ADHD belief. Maybe if you are playing a game that moves way too quickly it can make you used to expecting instant fast paced gratification, but the games I've played are not like that. A lot of games take a ton of slow, monotonous work in order to proceed. A really good, clever game usually helps me concentrate.

[Maus5321]

Originally Posted by growlithing

ADHD is definitely taken way too lightly by society. The only symptoms they really understand is being distractible and being "hyper". If I tell someone I have ADHD, they'll acknowledge it but then a week later look at me weird when I open my backpack and a hurricane of disorganized papers and random junk falls out, or get really angry with me for constantly shaking my legs, or ask me to do two separate things at once. If I were to say I was dyslexic (which I probably am to an extent), everyone would forgive me for having issues reading out loud, but explaining that I have ADHD doesn't usually help anyone understand my disorganized and unfocused existence.

I think the problem is that it is WAY too over diagnosed in small children. People know ADHD has the "badly behaved kid" problem and ADD is anyone who is "random" and full of life. Personally, I don't think I'm random. My thoughts move from place to place very quickly, but it isn't completely "random". People rarely ever truly meet an adult living with the full, real deal.

I wanted to note that I can't subscribe to the whole video games can make someone easily distractible/ADHD belief. Maybe if you are playing a game that moves way too quickly it can make you used to expecting instant fast paced gratification, but the games I've played are not like that. A lot of games take a ton of slow, monotonous work in order to proceed. A really good, clever game usually helps me concentrate.

Ahah good catch reading and replying about the post with the video game comment in it, I missed that sentence somehow, As far as the gaming thing goes, in my opinion. The shooter fast paced games that require twitch reflexes I would think possibly to an extent could teach the brain expect instant gratification. Games where it is all about shooting up the enemy and do not require a lot of thought to get through, just killing all the enemies along the way could be that way. Also another note to the shooter games, when walking around a level. Sometimes there is slow times in the game where not a lot of action is happening then you come to an area where there is intense action. So the brain could be taught to start thinking that way. For example if nothing exciting or intense is happening the brain is kinda off task per say. But as soon as the intense action hits the brain tunes in 100%. So possibly this short intense bursts of attention to the action can end up mimicking the adhd distractibility. Or the kids who can sit there and play for hours on end could represent the hyperfocus. Leading the person to pseudo add. so it is tough to differentiate.

Thinking back on it. when I played games even world of warcraft. WoW was not always an instant gratification. It did make you think when you were questing. Since you did not know where anything was when starting out so had to read the quest book etc to get clues. It was not here is where you go and have fun with it move onto the next area. When I started losing interest in the game is when I started remembering where things were and it became kinda boring after awhile having made so many characters. I lost interest because there really was no challenge any more. so it can work either way though.

Also a lot of people do get the diagnosis but drawing the line is hard. That is why you gotta find a specialist who has worked with it and has experience with it. I am terrible at organization. I have piles of stuff everywhere. I put a pile somewhere and leave it there. I do not know exactly what it contains but I do have a general idea so I know to look there for a certain among the jumble.

Just like a few weeks ago I went over to my friends house to have his wife help me with my resume. I opened my back pack and took out three folders that had certificates and stuff she said I would need. She looks and says I have to organize them, so I start pulling them out. make a pile move on to a different pile. By the time I started trying to condense them down to one pile. I would pick up a stack start getting it in order. set it down and I would make another pile. It took me like two hours to get it straightened out and finally in one pile. I was so spent after that because I could not keep anything straight while trying to do it. two hours just to get everything into one folder. It was madness. Not to mention the inside of my back pack looked like a bomb went off in it. All through my life it has been that way though, I would just shove stuff in my back pack. I could not keep organized for the life of me. I still can't really keep organized.

I recently just graduated from school for a job I am seeking and man o man when the teachers aide would start handing out paperwork and stuff while the teacher was teaching. I might as well not have even been there. I would miss a lot of the lesson because I was distracted by the aid. then I would get frustrated asking because my classmates were following along and keeping up while receiving paperwork, but i just missed it all and would not really learn what was taught. Adhd seems like a tough beast to tackle because at times so scattered brain, but then there are other times I am so tune and everything is going right. I feel like a champ and can do no wrong until later when either my brain decides to take a vacation or my concentration is snapped. I cannot seem to get it back together.

Not to mention trying to explain things that happen to you throughout a day is hard to do if the person your explaining it to does not have it or has never dealt with a family member who has it. I had also told a couple of my class mates. and they kinda oh yeah sure sort of attitude. like they heard me but realy did not except it. Really kinda sucked. Its like you wanna tell the people who are around you and deal with you . so they understand but most don't so you hold it in and it cause other issues. OK I am gonna go tear my hair out after writing this

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by Maus5321

Ahah good catch reading and replying about the post with the video game comment in it, I missed that sentence somehow, As far as the gaming thing goes, in my opinion. The shooter fast paced games that require twitch reflexes I would think possibly to an extent could teach the brain expect instant gratification. Games where it is all about shooting up the enemy and do not require a lot of thought to get through, just killing all the enemies along the way could be that way. Also another note to the shooter games, when walking around a level. Sometimes there is slow times in the game where not a lot of action is happening then you come to an area where there is intense action. So the brain could be taught to start thinking that way. For example if nothing exciting or intense is happening the brain is kinda off task per say. But as soon as the intense action hits the brain tunes in 100%. So possibly this short intense bursts of attention to the action can end up mimicking the adhd distractibility. Or the kids who can sit there and play for hours on end could represent the hyperfocus. Leading the person to pseudo add. so it is tough to differentiate.

Thinking back on it. when I played games even world of warcraft. WoW was not always an instant gratification. It did make you think when you were questing. Since you did not know where anything was when starting out so had to read the quest book etc to get clues. It was not here is where you go and have fun with it move onto the next area. When I started losing interest in the game is when I started remembering where things were and it became kinda boring after awhile having made so many characters. I lost interest because there really was no challenge any more. so it can work either way though.

I can't really get into a first person shooter game. I need to have some thought behind it in order to really enjoy the game. I've recently been playing tons of Zelda and Pokemon (if my username didn't give that away) and I just really enjoy the strategy/thought required to get through those games. I find myself making little goals for things I want to do outside of just the plot (like building and training the "perfect" pokemon team). A complex game like WoW I would argue doesn't usually require tons of hyperfocus because there is so much going on. I definitely have experienced hyperfocus while playing games though. Two days ago, I spend a good 2 hours trying to beat this stupid shooting mini game on Zelda Phantom Hourglass because I'm somewhat new to gaming and I have trouble with things like that (wasn't allowed to have any video games until my brother was old enough to play... stupid rule whatever). That is clearly hyperfocus but playing Ocarina of Time for 6 hours? I dunno. I require a challenge in my games. I can play a Pokemon game for over 100 hours because I can keep making up new things for me to do.

Yeah there are just some days where I am 100% on top of things like yesterday and other days like today where I'm struggling to even read because my brain is so scattered. And that is really hard to understand how someone can practice an instrument for 3 hours one day and then the next day be almost completely incapable of reading more than a few sentence because the shape and amount of words is too distracting to actually read the content. Sorry if my response is short/lacking

[growlithing]

I love it when I get really into writing a paper for school (I sometimes really enjoy writing) but then I can't edit it because I struggle with maintaining focus long enough to actually read what I wrote. I wrote a great term paper for one of my music history classes last year but I have never actually read the whole thing. (I know it was great based on the comments and grade).

[gayleggg]

I find that uninformed people say hurtful things. I'm bipolar and when I'm depressed I always get "what you depressed about" or "all you need to do is look at the positive side". There are people who will never care enough to understand mental illness or the difference between the illnesses and will continue to have false beliefs that drive me crazy when I here them talk like they know what it feels like.
Gayle

[Maus5321]

The uninformed live in a little glass bubble, they think everyone can just brush things off like they can. Everything is all in our minds and we just need to force ourselves to focus or look at the positive or whatever the case may be they are thinking about in there minds on how we should fix ourselves. But they never try to understand what they are talking about. They just spew what they have to give and think it is correct.

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by Maus5321

The uninformed live in a little glass bubble, they think everyone can just brush things off like they can. Everything is all in our minds and we just need to force ourselves to focus or look at the positive or whatever the case may be they are thinking about in there minds on how we should fix ourselves. But they never try to understand what they are talking about. They just spew what they have to give and think it is correct.

I heard this fantastic quote today in a masterclass on performance anxiety. "To understand is to stand under. You can't truly appreciate someone or something until you come down off of your pedestal and look at a situation or person without judgement. You can't understand something you are criticizing". I was just so taken back by how wonderfully relevant that is to people not understanding psych issues. They have an opinion before even hearing about it.

[Maus5321]

Originally Posted by growlithing

I heard this fantastic quote today in a masterclass on performance anxiety. "To understand is to stand under. You can't truly appreciate someone or something until you come down off of your pedestal and look at a situation or person without judgement. You can't understand something you are criticizing". I was just so taken back by how wonderfully relevant that is to people not understanding psych issues. They have an opinion before even hearing about it.

That is a really awesome quote! I thank you for posting it up!

[yellowfrog268]

Originally Posted by Maus5321

That is a really awesome quote! I thank you for posting it up!

I hate to be the fly in the ointment here but saying you "understand" something or someone is not the only context to be considered. For example--I know what will happen to me if I commit a felony crime. That understanding is not predicated on the idea that I've been in handcuffs or around anyone who has.

[Perna]

With comments from others, I always try to "consider the source". I think it is good that unpleasant, ignorant people make unpleasant, ignorant comments; it makes it easier to know who they are and not bother/waste energy with them?

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by yellowfrog268

I hate to be the fly in the ointment here but saying you "understand" something or someone is not the only context to be considered. For example--I know what will happen to me if I commit a felony crime. That understanding is not predicated on the idea that I've been in handcuffs or around anyone who has.

Right, but you understand it because you heard or read about what happens when someone is arrested. That level of understanding is far greater than what lots of people understand about mental illness.

Also understanding the process behind something like arrest is different than trying to understand what drove the criminal to commit his/her crime in the first place. Understanding a process is completely different than understanding a person. Understanding a person requires empathy.

[yellowfrog268]

Originally Posted by growlithing

Right, but you understand it because you heard or read about what happens when someone is arrested. That level of understanding is far greater than what lots of people understand about mental illness.

Also understanding the process behind something like arrest is different than trying to understand what drove the criminal to commit his/her crime in the first place. Understanding a process is completely different than understanding a person. Understanding a person requires empathy.

So we should more accurately say that those who throw stones are doing so out of lack of empathy? I would actually agree with that more than a lack of understanding because I've met some who understand (intellectually) but still cast stones.

[growlithing]

Originally Posted by yellowfrog268

So we should more accurately say that those who throw stones are doing so out of lack of empathy? I would actually agree with that more than a lack of understanding because I've met some who understand (intellectually) but still cast stones.

Absolutely. I would never throw a stone a someone I empathized with. I would still argue that true understanding requires empathy. Without empathy, it isn't understanding, it's just knowledge of a situation.

[Maus5321]

I love it. This is a good thread keep it going!