Place for Ranting - You know you want it

Feel free to add your own rants. It feels good just to get it out there sometimes.

I have ADHD. Hence, why I posted on this page. I'm coming to terms with it. I read this book recently on ADHD... and I'm realizing more and more and more and more HOW MUCH I actually legit do have this disorder.

It's just... arg! I realize ADHD is a neurobiological condition. It's so frustrating though... because so many people think it's like an excuse to be lazy or disorganized. It's not. Don't you think if I wanted to be this way I WOULD BE HAPPIER ABOUT IT? I'm not. It's not easy. It's effing difficult. And frustrating.

Its so hard to finish tasks I have a desk full of incomplete papers and do a pretty half *** job at getting my life on track. Its definitely not an excuse, if I could I would make it all go away. I wanted to deny that I still have it and commonly refer to it as a JUNK diagnosis because anxiety makes it pretty hard to concentrate as well. But even pills don't work for me long term - last time they had my dose all ****ed up, I was on so much I was hearing voices in my head and developed OCD which I think is worse than having ADD, it took a lot of therapy to get rid of the OCD. Doing things around the house is hard enough as it, especially considering how I'll start so many tasks at once it seems like moving mountains to complete them. Like for example right now I'm supposed to be meditating, writing a journal, reading a book, exercising, washing dishes, getting in touch with my friend, finding a job etc. And I'm not doing any of those things I'm on here. I keep telling myself "I'll get to it" and I try but I can't stay focused on it for long enough to finish it. The only time I can pay attention is when something is truly interesting to me, if its just something I have to do I struggle even if its something I need and there is a reward for completing it.

I could rant about more stuff but I'll save it for my journal...