[alibaby]

My son is 10 years old and was diagnosed with ADHD last year after having problems with sitting still, staying focused and getting his work done at school. He has had behaviour problems since he was in nursery school. Last year was the worst for him ever. He was suspended 5 times for violent behaviour toward his teacher and several students. It's looking more and more like he has Oppositional Defiant Disorder. His father and I have had to come to many meetings to discuss strategies for improving his situation. He was placed on an Educational Intervention Plan last year which seems to be for record purposes only, since nothing has improved. He has fallen so far behind in his school work. I can't imagine how he will ever catch up. I'm also seriously concerned that his agressive behaviour will land him eventually in jail. He is also abusive toward me and his sisters, but not toward his father. We've tried therapy, but he wouldn't talk about his feelings in the sessions, so that was ended. Therapist said I should call Children's Mobile Crisis Team when he gets out of control but I'm trying not to go that route. We've tried Adderall (with much reluctance) and there wasn't much improvement. His dad and I can't seem to agree on how to discipline him. Is there anyone out there who has a kid with these issues? How are do you deal with it? Any success stories? I know that every child is different but I'm just looking for suggestions, maybe something we haven't thought of will come up. Things are getting out of control.

[arod13]

alibaby- ok from my experience with odd is that i teach children with it who also have learning disabilities or adhd with the odd can stem from many things like boredom or anger anyway the first thing you need to do is you and ur husband need to be on the same page because odd children will set parents against each other you also need to be consistant with discliplinary actions ALWAYS! what helps sometimes is not focusing on negative behavior and rewarding the child for positive behavior but see this has to be all around even at school he needs to be on a behavior system with points and rewards and some consequences there is a lot he needs to learn these children seek structure but also need alot of attention

make sure the school is doing the right thing the process can be long and therefore hurt the child it sounds like he needs an out of district placement with small class sizes and individual attention acompanied by social workers in school and a therapist outside of school as well as after school programs....but you cant get these things if he stays in public school my class is all of 9 children with two aids so most the time there is no need for a child to act out because there are enough of adults around to help it gives the child a chance to catch up academically while receiving the necessary treatments to deal with his emotions and learn to express them

hope this bit helps! and most of the time the children grow out of ODD if the help is received

be careful and stand up for the childs rights most school districts will do anything to keep the child in the public schools because they don't want to pay for him to go else where they are cheap but they do have to acknowledge parents wishes so don't ever let them tell you you can't do something and always ask for proof of anything make them document it doesn't necessarily hurt the child's records if he is placed out of district but it will hurt the child if he stays and does not get the help he needs trust me ive seen it and once in a special school he can always come back to district when the time is right. i have seen kids change tremendously by pulling them out of public school into a school specifically for behaviors and ADHD and ODD...

[alibaby]

arod13,

I already know about the issue's with the school. I finally had a meeting with principal yesterday and it seems that his behaviour is regressing back to what it was last year. We had an agreement that the school would contact us, whatever he does, but the principal told me that this year there are other kids in the school who have worst issues, but "that doesn't mean that my son isn't important...". I feel like everyone who was supposed to help us has deserted us. His ex therapist suggested a neuropsych evaluation. I have submitted paperwork but I read another post that said it's a waste of time. A lot of major decisions to make. I guess this will force me to work on my difficulty with taking charge and speaking up . Thank you for taking time to give me such a detailed response.

[arod13]

Ali anytime - i know you would do the same if it were reversed yes and take charge!!! remember its not for you its for the future of your son

its almost like schools want kids to fail before receiving help you know what you need is a teacher on your side who is tenored and knows what she needs to know

do you have a child advocate?

[alibaby]

No. But I remember reading about that somewhere. Is that a third party that speaks to the school for us...someone who conveys our wishes?

[arod13]

yes but they also know the legal stuff people listen to them they are one step before court i believe very powerful people

[alibaby]

I will most definitly look into that. This has been another great learning experience for me. I have to say that in the short time that I've been here I have learned quite a bit. Thank's again.

[arod13]

welcome this place is awesome so many people with different experiences and knowledge its great

Hey. You might have luck with a therapist who does applied behaviour analysis in particular.

I remember looking at some of their techniques and stuff and it looked quite good...

With respect to him not talking about his feelings... That might be because he isn't really sure how he needs / what he feels / what he wants.

One of the things I remember reading about was how often times when kids 'act up' they have a specific need and they don't know more appropriate ways of going about getting that need met. A behaviour therapist could talk to you and / or observe some interactions and they can assess what the likely needs are that the behaviour has become a way of getting...

Then they have techniques for gradually introducing new behaviours and not reinforcing old behaviours.

I don't know if this option would be available to you but it might be... Worth a shot. I've heard that they have fairly good success with things like disruptive classroom behaviours, for example.

[alibaby]

special_k,

I remember that last May, the school had a behaviourist come in to observe my son's behaviour. He gave us a ton of paperwork to fill out. I don't know if he was actually a behaviour therapist since he was only observing. We were supposed to have a meeting to discuss his findings and help us all to come up with some strategies to help my son do better. I will ask the school psychologist about that. The school seems to operating under the idea that "no news is good news", as his teacher put it. I wrote him a note today requesting a meeting. I'm hoping that I can get some answers as to what's really going on.

Thanks for sharing the info.

Ali

Ah....

He should have indeed gotten back to you... Maybe something got misplaced somewhere along the way... Did he get back to your son's teacher do you know?

Behaviourists don't to therapy (in the traditional sense) of trying to get people to talk about their needs and / or their feelings... what they do do is train new behaviours.

The first thing they do is observe the problematic behaviours. Then they try and figure out what behaviour typically follows (attention from teacher, not having to sit on the mat, whatever) then they try to figure out what triggers there are (being asked to follow an instruction, what kind of instruction? etc)

The idea is to work out what the function of the problematic behaviours are (what are they doing for your son? what does he get out of them?)

The next step should indeed be the person having a chat to you about their observations because you might be able to notice patterns too... And to figure the function...

Then it is about figuring out alternative ways of getting the need (function) met that isn't so problematic and gradually shaping them.

Sounds like the person who came and observed was precisely what I had in mind :-)

Yeah, chase them up.

[arod13]

always keep in mind papers and people get misplaced when there are many kids they are dealing with ask about it make a phone call remember be proactive