[Detia]

So I have been trying to figure out 'what's wrong with me' since I was younger. I am learning more and more as I progress, reflect, journal, practice mindfulness, and speak with others with similar experiences. At first I never thought ADHD would matter, until I stumbled across a source that described it not as an attention disorder but an executive functioning disorder. Does this make sense to anyone?

Anyway, for some time now I have been considering getting tested for a learning curve/disorder. It's not that I cannot function but it's just so difficult, especially when everyone around me is convinced of my high intelligence but I just don't feel that I can apply this intelligence where it needs to go. When I was devoid of a social life and focused 95% on my school work in highschool I could not get higher than a C, but most of my teachers saw great potential in me. I put myself under a really heavy workload which didn't necessarily help my case. When I transferred to another highschool I stopped caring because it wasn't challenging and the learning environment was terrible because my peers were out of control.

I went on to community college and two semesters in a row I passed 1 class and failed 1 class, which kept my GPA so low that I had availability for the PELL grant taken away.... Then some time later I tried online schooling with a healing arts school, not only is it a true learning experience of materials and life but... I feel so much better about the class structure. I can guide myself, I don't have to waste time sitting in a class-room trying to soak in everything by listening, surrounded by other people that I cannot help but to be aware of... I can just spend time teaching myself the material and I love it.

I have been learning things about myself that I never thought true such as perfectionist tendencies, being task oriented, and even how my mind wanders and daydreams which is why practicing mindfulness and occasional meditation has been invaluable to me. I found out, by researching the executive functioning aspect of ADD/ADHD that the methods of coping with ADD/ADHD are eerily similar to the coping methods that I have developed to overcome my major depression and generalized anxiety... two things I have actually been diagnosed with when I pursued professional help when I was finally aware I could not handle my suicidal thoughts on my own.. I have brought this idea up to a few friends, two that have been a variety of co-morbid diagnoses including ADD/ADHD... Who affirmed this more than anything, even though they never brought it up to me. I have been on a search for a long time so a lot of things that click I will bring to the people around me and explain why it clicks... This is the first time they actually agreed.

I think that I am managing my issues on my own very well, especially having developed positive coping mechanisms through research and limited time with two different therapists. I know that I learn quickly and I am eager to apply my learning to applicable situations...

So what are my options? What should I know? Is there anyway to know for certain? What kind of experience is it to get tested? Under what conditions is it worth going through testing for ADD/ADHD, or for a learning curve/disorder? One of my biggest issues is being able to hear and comprehend what is being said, and I know when I was younger I had a lot more sensory defensiveness towards noise, especially multi-layered noise or noise/music mixed with voices/words. I really avoided listening to any music but instrumental when I was younger..

[Travelinglady]

I would think it would be important to get tested. Maybe your therapist knows who to contact about that sort of thing.

[avlady]

i think musicians have a sort of different kind of learning mechanism in their brains, not to sound too corney, but i am a musician and wonder how others comprehend and think things. All i realy know how to do skill wise is play piano and i comprehend some strange musical stuff like different types of music etc..I have a very hard time learning things the first time, but usually after getting something i don't have t be reminded but 1 time and ive got it. I seem to get the essence of things but then details etc get all disturbing in my mind. I also have a comrehention problem during conversations, i just seem to fade away to no mans land listening to someone talk. i also hate noise, and i get nervous when people argue at a oud tone or just certain tones of voices.

[Detia]

@Travelinglady
I haven't been in contact with my recent therapist, he's not too easy to get a hold of. When I was pitching the idea of asperger's because it aligned with how I felt about my internal reality he was pretty certain that was not my issue. I seemed well balanced to him, which I might be but I feel insecure about reality and my self-identity quite a lot. I have been nervous about bringing this up to him. I have said I just want to learn how to cope, and I am quick at learning and I have made a lot of progress since I started focusing on working with my issues...

@avlady
I definitely believe everyone learns differently... I love Howard Gardner's theories on multiple intelligences. I don't know how I would identify but I wonder how anyone else comprehend things, how they process it all because I know that I am not part of the majority when it comes to my way of thinking and processing.... I pick up things very fast but once familiar it's like I lose a lot of capability for it. I've realized that when I first meet people it's very fun and intriguing to relate to them, and it is being able to relate to them on a heightened level that gives me such skill at communicating with them. Once I start losing the ability to relate by having become more familiar, then the communication breaks down entirely. Many people have felt hurt because they feel I am no longer listening when I'm just struggling to understand, and I understand why they feel hurt because I usually understand people on such a deep and empathetic level at first it's like I'm reading pages from their soul. When this stops, it probably feels like I care less and like I'm not trying to relate to them.

How do you cope with the noise, or nervousness of certain tones of voice, if you don't mind my asking?

I feel like a lot of my capabilities shift and change. My ability to learn changes, my ability to comprehend, and even handle certain tools will change around a lot. I can be very good at drawing in anime, or realism, or cartoons but it's usually one or the other and it's like I don't have a choice in what skills I have access to... it just changes.

[sukothefox]

I used to also feel frustrated about my failures to get more A's at school. I thought I was just lazy and stupid, but hell, I was wrong. You seem in many respects like myself, and the fact that you have ADHD plus anxiety and depression is reason enough for you to not get beyond a C in grades. It doesn't mean you are unintelligent. Right now I was reading about how mood influences cognition and memory, and indeed, people with major depression struggle with cognitive tasks like memory. Sometimes they would relate an event in life in a shorter way, for example "I was with my grandma...", whereas controls in the research were more detailed and made the experience seem longer, for example "It was a morning and we were driving to..." Now, if a single disorder influences cognitive tasks negatively, now imagine 3! It doesn't matter what IQ you have.
If your teacher sees potential it is for a reason, because you do, and teachers know what they are talking about.
In my case, I was also skeptical about claims regarding my potential, but just some study strategies changed everything, and now I easily succeed at school.
Organization is difficult if you have ADHD, including other disorders, but with technique it can be boycotted.

[Detia]

Thank you Suko