[Claire2015]

I just wanted to apologise if i was annoying or being conveyed as over the top or a nuisance.

I joined this forum simply to understand ADHD from personal perspectives to be able to help someone i knew who was unmedicated and not treated for it. I tried my absolute hardest not to give up with her like everyone else did. She has been through about 5/6 friendships in the space of 7 years, has had countless rumours and people physically harassing her.

So i felt bad and was there for her through it all. However she started 2 rumours about me and got some people she knew to have a go at me for stupidly ridiculous things she couldn't do herself... She always needed someone else to fight her battles.

Anyway i may seem over the top talking about her constantly this is just because it was a last resort to save our shambles of a friendship. I thought of her as one of the best friends i have had, i adored her cause she understood what it was like to be hurt by someone you care about. I not only thought she was a brilliant friend but went as far to say being friends with her was the best thing that had ever happened to me..... Which was far from the truth i have now realised.

Although my mum has cancer i'd go as far as to say she was the cancer of my life and one of the most toxic people i have ever come across. I never met someone who had so much drama started by themselves and drama just being associated with her.... This was the first time i have ever met someone who got other people to fight their own battles.

She knows my mum has cancer but said i used it as an excuse... I have my own flaws but i would never treat someone the way she has treated me if i know a family member of hers had cancer (god forbid, i don't wish it on anyone) her grandad had cancer and i made more effort for her than everyone she considered a 'friend' i got a memorial card, some chocolate as chocolate cheers everyone up, got her favourite ice cream and told her i was there for her any time of the day even the middle of the night if need be.

I became infatuated with her cause her hyperfocus on you would be so intense i would be so happy and wouldn't need to speak to anyone as she had my undivided attention.

However i have posted wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much about her and we are not friends anymore so i hope that i can use my knowledge i have learn't from you all on the forum to be supportive to anyone who would like an ear to listen or to vent.

I wish i had a way of helping her but i don't so for people on here that joined to be helped or have support i am here for you all

I'm really sorry for being annoying to you all

Claire

[lavendersage]

your heart was in a good place - just be careful who and how much you're trying to "help" someone/anyone (other than yourself). People need, first and foremost, to be willing to admit they need help and then willing to get it. No amount of knowledge, nor good intention will do a bit of good otherwise. And you'll have exhausted yourself in the process. not.worth.it.

Sorry that it came to this...Can't say I'm surprised though.

Take care of you.

[xiare]

Originally Posted by Claire2015

I just wanted to apologise if i was annoying or being conveyed as over the top or a nuisance.

I joined this forum simply to understand ADHD from personal perspectives to be able to help someone i knew who was unmedicated and not treated for it. I tried my absolute hardest not to give up with her like everyone else did. She has been through about 5/6 friendships in the space of 7 years, has had countless rumours and people physically harassing her.

So i felt bad and was there for her through it all. However she started 2 rumours about me and got some people she knew to have a go at me for stupidly ridiculous things she couldn't do herself... She always needed someone else to fight her battles.

Anyway i may seem over the top talking about her constantly this is just because it was a last resort to save our shambles of a friendship. I thought of her as one of the best friends i have had, i adored her cause she understood what it was like to be hurt by someone you care about. I not only thought she was a brilliant friend but went as far to say being friends with her was the best thing that had ever happened to me..... Which was far from the truth i have now realised.

Although my mum has cancer i'd go as far as to say she was the cancer of my life and one of the most toxic people i have ever come across. I never met someone who had so much drama started by themselves and drama just being associated with her.... This was the first time i have ever met someone who got other people to fight their own battles.

She knows my mum has cancer but said i used it as an excuse... I have my own flaws but i would never treat someone the way she has treated me if i know a family member of hers had cancer (god forbid, i don't wish it on anyone) her grandad had cancer and i made more effort for her than everyone she considered a 'friend' i got a memorial card, some chocolate as chocolate cheers everyone up, got her favourite ice cream and told her i was there for her any time of the day even the middle of the night if need be.

I became infatuated with her cause her hyperfocus on you would be so intense i would be so happy and wouldn't need to speak to anyone as she had my undivided attention.

However i have posted wayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy too much about her and we are not friends anymore so i hope that i can use my knowledge i have learn't from you all on the forum to be supportive to anyone who would like an ear to listen or to vent.

I wish i had a way of helping her but i don't so for people on here that joined to be helped or have support i am here for you all

I'm really sorry for being annoying to you all

Claire

I was concerned, for you, over the volume of posts you'd made about your friend. While asking for ADHD help and explanations, your posts echoed a lot of hurt and resentment. That indicates, to me, that you are spending a lot of time being bothered by her behavior. At the end of the day, regardless of what issues she has, you have to take care of your own heart, first. You were there, for her. But if she's chosen to not seek help for her damaging patterns, that is her decision to make. You cannot alter her values to include consistently valuing herself or you.

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by lavendersage

your heart was in a good place - just be careful who and how much you're trying to "help" someone/anyone (other than yourself). People need, first and foremost, to be willing to admit they need help and then willing to get it. No amount of knowledge, nor good intention will do a bit of good otherwise. And you'll have exhausted yourself in the process. not.worth.it.

Sorry that it came to this...Can't say I'm surprised though.

Take care of you.

Thank you for replying it's really appreciated yeah it was but i felt like she took advantage of that and her family despise me now which is ridiculous i tried to help...you're 100% right i shouldn't be so caring to people who take advantage of it. Exactly she believes she has out grown ADD so when she hits rockbottom she will realise.

Yeah i burnout years ago but i kinda refulled myself when she told me about her having ADD. It gave me hope thinking ahh okay there is a reason for this behaviour i am going to continue to be good to you in that case. Again you're right not worth it.

I'm happy honestly a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Loads of people aren't suprised either they're proud of me. Thank you for the support sorry about all the posts

Claire

[Claire2015]

Originally Posted by xiare

I was concerned, for you, over the volume of posts you'd made about your friend. While asking for ADHD help and explanations, your posts echoed a lot of hurt and resentment. That indicates, to me, that you are spending a lot of time being bothered by her behavior. At the end of the day, regardless of what issues she has, you have to take care of your own heart, first. You were there, for her. But if she's chosen to not seek help for her damaging patterns, that is her decision to make. You cannot alter her values to include consistently valuing herself or you.

Thank you for responding i appreciate it so much yess she was the only issue in my life, my other ADHD friends were nothing like her....it did i felt like i was never good enough i could bend over backwords for her and she wouldn't care it felt disheartening. I had been through a lot cause of her but at least i have learn't from my mistakes and learn't a lot from being friends with her so it's not all doom and gloom. As i said she has made me a better person even though i didn't manange to return that to her..

I do indeed i witness it all the time and she would turn to me anytime it went wrong so even if i didn't want to be involved i was....irritating much. I did i took advice from everyone on this forum and thought it was time to get rid of that toxic person. She is damaging her life but makes it sound like my life is being damaged.. That denial will cause her to hit rockbottom as i said she has lost 11 friends in a year, 2 jobs ( i forgot she had 2) etc.

Yeah everyone can make their own decisions however hers are altered by her ferrari brain so making impulsive judgements are going to come at a price just wondering what else she has to lose?

That is a brilliant line "You cannot alter her values to include consistently valuing herself or you" i couldn't agree more, she has to realise herself after more heart ache and failures that she is damaging herself not us.

Thank you again

Claire