[DysphoricManicMom]

I am a member of the bipolar community forums, but my boyfriend has ADHD. He has always had a short fuse. Yesterday we had a fight because when he called me to ask me why my van door was open, I was in the middle of getting my 3 yr old (who likes to fight it) down for a nap at the same time my 9 month old was whining/crying. So he called after he drove by on his way to run some errands and asked, Why are your van doors open? And I responded by saying I DONT ****ING KNOW! So that all ended up escalating with him coming home, busting through to door and coming at me while im on the couch with my 9 month old..he pushes me around, screams in mt face, spits on me, and hits me in the arms and legs.

So my question is, does having a short temper and agressive behavior come with the territory of having ADHD? Anyone have any experience with that or have any insight?

[lavendersage]

Originally Posted by DysphoricManicMom

I am a member of the bipolar community forums, but my boyfriend has ADHD. He has always had a short fuse. Yesterday we had a fight because when he called me to ask me why my van door was open, I was in the middle of getting my 3 yr old (who likes to fight it) down for a nap at the same time my 9 month old was whining/crying. So he called after he drove by on his way to run some errands and asked, Why are your van doors open? And I responded by saying I DONT ****ING KNOW! So that all ended up escalating with him coming home, busting through to door and coming at me while im on the couch with my 9 month old..he pushes me around, screams in mt face, spits on me, and hits me in the arms and legs.

So my question is, does having a short temper and agressive behavior come with the territory of having ADHD? Anyone have any experience with that or have any insight?

What comes to mind is what does that matter? Do you want someone that's capable of that - no matter the reason - in your life (and your children's)?

[kanasi]

I'm sorry I didn't read this earlier. I 100% agree with lavendersage. It doesn't matter whether his particular case of ADHD is related to that behaviour or not. Nothing makes that kind of behaviour okay. Nothing you did could possibly merit a response like that from another person. Someone capable of behaving like that should not be a part of your and your children's lives.

The kind of person you want to be with can take being snapped at (especially when it's obviously got nothing to do with them) without getting defensive or angry, but simply ask what's wrong and try to help you feel better. They'd empathize with your feelings at least a little. Ideally, they might even try to do something to cheer you and the kids up. It doesn't matter what kind of "good side" he has. That man is dangerous.

[lineman1010]

I agree with kanasi 100% it is uncalled for.
To answer your question and I hate to admit it.....yes . with add there can be explosive anger issues . Yes protect yourself. Explain to him that he was out of line. Of course set the mood first calm and trusting. Is he using meds? If so maybe seek additional help from the Dr.

[Needeles]

I've got a whole mess of issues and ADHD is just one of them. I can say yes it can be part of it however it is not an excuse. I've had anger issues my whole life and yes I used to be very much like what you described but as a child. I've since learned to control my temper for the most part but still have my moments.

If you decide you want to take it head on then a few things to remember.
1. Try not to put him on the defensive if you can help it, it will only set off a trigger
2. Keep as calm as you can, don't speak to him like a child but keep calm.
3. If it starts to get heated then let him know you can finish the conversion later if he wants.
4. Having someone else around, an adult, but not in the same room can help keep him defused in a sense.

I'm still rather new to the groups here but hopefully this offers some amount of help for ya. Best of luck to you.

[Chickhen]

If he did this to you once, he'll do it again. Find a woman's shelter for you and the children if you have no place else to go. It doesn't matter what his diagnosis is, other is no excuse for treating you that way. Pease for you and the children.