[gracie1030]

I'm 17 years old, and I have this weird obsession with figuring out what is mentally wrong with me for some reason??

My problem is so complicated and subjective I might just be completely delusional and making it all up. But basically, I am super, super spacey. I always have been. I used to be able to compensate but now my grades, are slipping, I'm not doing my homework, you get the picture. I'm not sad. I'm actually quite at ease, but not fulfilled.

My brain runs in circles analyzing itself, analyzing the world, analyzing the process of analyzing, analyzing the humor depicted in the previous statement, analyzing the way analyzing humor kills the humor itself, until I drive myself effin insane and my brain is itching so bad for stimulation but literally nothing satisfies my it feels like.

And I just feel so so detached. But this isn't a new feeling for me. I've kinda felt like this my whole life. I even remember thinking that i didn't care if i died?? But i wasn't even sad. I was just numb. And my reasoning was so skewed. I was thinking "Lots of people die every day. If i died I would just be like any other person who died." It's like I wasn't even attached to my identity??

And the same thing is happening with my grades. I don't even care that I'm getting bad grades because I don't even care to live in reality anymore. Reality offers nothing to me. I can play an HD movie inside my head that gives me all the euphoria I could ever want. Who is there to tell me I have to live in reality?

Because I am a master at detachment. I can take a step back from the entire world, this entire dimension and see humans as nothing but big apes. Sometimes I see humans as animals in this way.

And if you're still reading this, kudos to you. Because this whole thing is ********. My mind is ********, yet I think I'm a genius. My mind just has this constant feeling of someone digging their nails into my brain. Because I have no one to talk to. I operate on two planes at once. But I'm not psychotic. I'm perfectly capable of acting sane.

By the time you've reached this last paragraph, you probably think I'm utterly crazy or seeking attention. In fact, both of those things are true. I don't know where this essay was supposed to go, but it turned into something kinda dark, kinda weird. But ya know what? It's cool dude. Peace out, enjoy life. Get ****in lost, go frolic in a field or something. That's what I'm going to do!! Haha

[Skeezyks]

Hello gracie1030: Welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! May you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

[Nimportequoi]

I can play an HD movie inside my head that gives me all the euphoria I could ever want. Who is there to tell me I have to live in reality?

Have you looked into "Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder"?
Otherwise, I would interpret the things you described as a feeling of alienation and indifference to life.
Maybe Schizoid Personality?

1. Emotional coldness, detachment or reduced affect.
2. Limited capacity to express either positive or negative emotions towards others.
3. Consistent preference for solitary activities.
4. Very few, if any, close friends or relationships, and a lack of desire for such.
5. Indifference to either praise or criticism.
6. Little interest in having sexual experiences with another person (taking age into account).
7. Taking pleasure in few, if any, activities.
8. Indifference to social norms and conventions.
9. Preoccupation with fantasy and introspection.

...right out of Wikipedia. I luv riddle guessing. Who needs professionals eh?