I would appreciate some "kind" feedback... not that I would get any other kind

I have one child and only one so I just get to "practice" on him poor son.. and I love my son very much.

He is 22years old, and has ADHD. He is a responsible, dependable, creative.. well I could go on .. I am his Mom.

I was also divorsed since he was a baby so I have been a mom/dad type to him.

Handling his money is just a bear. He works very hard at his job, continues to get raises and such.. but his money goes right thru his fingers..

And then he shows up on my doorstep... I have helped, I mean seriously helped.. thousands helped over the past 4 years... he also had his college fund - he opted out of college.

So having difficulty handling budgets a 22 year old male thing, a 22 year old thing, a personal thing, a adhd thing?

From my own past, I don't have a basis of comparision. Hence my asking.

He moved back out in Jan (he had been in then out) of my house.

I live on a very limited income and really cannot keep affording to give him money, not if I want to accomplist my goals... (I pay his 60 insurance).

He makes about 1800 - 2000 take home with about 1200 expences every month.

I have gone thru with him how to budget... I just am unsure if I am falling down I my parental part here...

I have heard of some parents taking over their 22 years money for 6 monhs - sitting down every week to go over it.. until they truly get the hang of it..
Yazaa... not something I want to do...

grrrrr. any ideas on what is best?

[lenjan]

It's probably part of being young -- but a lot of people have trouble with budgets regardless of age or mental illness.

Schools often teach kids how to budget now, but not when I was going, so it was up to my parents -- who couldn't stick to one either, one of the many ways they failed me as role models.

Your son makes more money than I do (20 years his elder and with an advanced degree), there is no reason he shouldn't be able to support himself. Does he have a savings program through work, a 401K or something? There is definitely no reason you should be giving him money!

I don't really know what to suggest, except maybe to send him to a credit counselor or financial adviser.

Good luck...

Candy

Thank you so much for replying... I truely appreciate it.

yes he contributes to his 401K to the max allowable and it is matched to a certain degree by employer.

son just left.. I love him so much... and he explained his problem... and it is HIS problem...

I gave his some money - but he will be spending the weekend painting here..
I also with him set up a plan to get and keep things under control..
I see that he has more maturity this time.. but I also know - money = work in my home now... I just cannot afford to help him... bottom line..

so maybe the more I work him... the better he will learn to manage his money???
personally, I can live on just about next to nothing if I put my mind to it.. so it is a frustrating thing to me.

[lenjan]

I think it will help if you pay him for stuff around the house, yes.

To be honest, my mom especially used to bribe me with shopping trips. Her answer to everything was "go buy something, you'll feel better." Not only did it set me up for financial ruin, thinking that was normal behavior (and that plastic wasn't money), I never really learned the value of money till I had to work and work hard for it. It's really easy to spend other people's cash, believe me! All these years later I feel bad for doing that to my parents, though it wasn't that they couldn't afford it. I just know I would be seriously ticked off if someone were so cavalier with what I worked so hard for.

It is good that you are making son earn his keep. He will thank you down the road. Better late than never.

Hugs, if OK.

Candy

[wizkid]

I was also divorsed since he was a baby so I have been a mom/dad type to him.

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...o=&fpart=1

Personally I don’t know what you can do, him spending money is a psychological issue that only he can tackle and is really a cry for attention. By him spending money freely, it makes him feel better about who he is, albeit temporarily and his cyclical unconscious need comes back. It’s something he is going to have to change on his own and that will only start when he comes to the realization of what his problem is, changing his tendencies at the core. There isnt any other way to change the future unless he can change the way he thinks. That starts with the fundamentals of personality and eliminating the external extremities from his life. Or in essence his unconcious needs that need fulfilling.

[sabby]

((((((((((((((((freewill & son))))))))))))))))))))

Regardless of his age and his disability, he can learn to become self sufficient with his money. Whether it is you who teaches him by budgeting or him falling flat on his face without you bailing him out, he can learn.

Sometimes, the children have to fall to see what its like and to learn from their mistakes. If we, as parents continually bail them out, what do they learn??? They learn that they are not responsible for their own actions and that it's ok to overspend cuz mum will take care of us. I speak of this from experience. We need to let our children run with their own responsibility and let them learn what and what not they can do. Telling them means nothing to them. Experience is everything!

Good luck hon...I know it's hard...it's oh so very hard.

Hugssss
J