[Mapper]

H left his job of 7 years last year because he pretty much was on the verge of being fired after all his unexcused absences and weeks without coming in, sometimes not even calling in. But it was a union job and it is hard to get fired there. He started another job last November and he loved it, as he loves every job when he first starts, but I know that within 6 months or so he's going to either hate the work or hate the people. Sure enough, within a just a couple of months I started hearing about how many idiots and slackers he worked with, but he still liked the job. There have been a couple of days where he's taken off work since he started for no reason other than he didn't want to go in, but they have just been single days. Then July 5 he didn't go in, didn't call or text his manager that he wasn't coming in, just didn't show up. Goes in the next day and his manager asked what was up with him not coming in and he goes "I just needed a day to recharge". His manager responds with "That's cool". How he gets away with this stuff I don't know.

Well then 2 weeks ago he had a 3-day weekend, then went back for a day and one customer really rubbed him the wrong way. Said he almost jumped over the counter and bashed his head on the counter because he was pissing him off so much. Although this appears to be nothing new with him because he's telling me that there are some customers that don't understand until you get nasty with them and the rest of the people he works with don't seem to have an issue with this! His solution? Not going in for the rest of the week. Yup, 4 days in a row he didn't go in and only one day did he text his manager that he wasn't coming in. You know what the text said? “Sorry I didn’t call yesterday. My phone was in Mapper’s car. I messed up my back. Mapper is taking me to the doctor later today.” Really? Cause that's news to me! Manager never called or texted him at all those 4 days. Well he has 4 voicemails from Saturday but he wouldn’t know it because he hasn’t looked at his phone since Wednesday. How can you be so unconcerned about not even wondering if anyone is calling you? He was messaging with his coworker though and just feeding him lines of BS about how he can't come in because he messed up his back so bad that he can't imagine standing at the desk all day. Even added the kicker "I'm on my knees typing this right now because I can't sit down"! Keeps saying he'll be in tomorrow and then texts his coworker that he has a doctor's appt and can't go in, can't even drive. Even had the gall to ask me to drive him in on Saturday and pick him up so he could keep up the ruse about the back. But didn’t have to worry about that because he didn’t go in anyways! Meanwhile the coworker totally believes him and tells him to get better, but the workload is becoming too much for him as he's juggling both his and H's customers. Yet, H spent the weekend digging out a hole in the backyard with his “bad back”!

This position is supposed to be a step down for H and his manager didn’t want to hold him back by hiring him but H wanted the job. Now he gets rubbed the wrong way by a customer and days off ensue. When a customer comes in and praises him for his work, H comes home all high and mighty and saying how much he loves his job. Yet when one comes in who tells him he’s not doing his job, he comes home angry and is ready to look for a new job.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Sorry to hear about ur husbands struggles
I know that must put a lot of stress on ur marriage as well.
I am not familiar with ur story overall so u will have to excuse me if I'm asking redundant questions...
Is he in treatment? Does he have problems "showing up" to the rest of his life, or is it just work related? Is his dx ad/hd or is that yours? Just curious...I am dxd w/ add and I struggled for yrs w/ jobs, for a few reasons..adhd obv. can lead to time mgmt.issues...so being on time for work was Def an issue 4me...but, I also see some of my other issues peppered in his behavior. If I couldn't motivate to get up/ go in...well, I have been thru some serious bouts of deep depression which lead to that... also, the 6mnth love/hate aspect.... I am also dxd w/ BPD and before I began to understand and got into serious treatment...I went thru a lot if that kinda behavior as well and not being able to take blame for my actions was bc I didn't really understand the "why", so I couldn't really see or know how they were my fault entirely...or I simply couldn't admit my shortcomings...BS and lies about it all was sometimes to cover up my insecurities...also for me, bc of dissociation issues, sometimes it was bc I honestly didn't know what/ how I ended up not at work, which left me scrambling when confronted, so I would just kinda freak out and say whatever I thought may save my arse!...I'm not trying to DX ur H nor am I trying to excuse his behavior as I really don't know him..so can't really speculate on his reasonings...but though I would offer my experiences... Hope whatever is the root of his functioning issues is able to be addressed and resolved ... also, if he is not able to come to terms w/ his behaviors and how they effect not only his life, but urs as well..please don't let him take u down w/ his sinking ship..please take care of urself