[Jimbo]

This is both extremely scary for me but I feel like one of the biggest questions in my life is about to be answered. What is wrong with me?

I have had this question going round my head for as long as I can remember. When I was a child I was classed as a problem because I was a day dreamer. Although I didn't see any problems I juest remeber being dragged in front of my teachers or parents all the time whilst they said: "Why is he such a day dreamer?" "He is not very bright!" etc etc. The teachers even got other kids to kick me when they saw that I was day dreaming. Neadless to say this took its toll on my self esteem and I as time went on I became less and less outgoing, not only because my self belief had been taken away but because I was starting to have issues with concentration socially. In social situations I still have difficulty where there are a large group of people. I cannot put any structure to conversation and things just break down into a confusing mess and my reactions to conversionations reflect this. I say irrelevant and sometimes nasty, out of context remarks which are not representative of my personality at all.

I have problems concentrating on reading material and conversations which do not intensely interest me. My brain will just wander. I remember being extremely scared by this as a child because I would sit watching films and not be able to piece any of it together. I remember thinking my brain was falling apart. This I just put down to being thick or being a "door mouse" as all of the Teachers ( and subsequently all the other pupils ) branded me. I began to berate myself more and more over time.

Things have not always been bad because of these symptoms though. In my life I have had many persuits which because of the way I am, I have excelled at. Because I am only able to concentrate on what interests me intensely I have excelled at Art, Computer Science Weight Lifting to list just a few. So I guess there are two sides to this coin.

The relief that I *may* have found an explaination at least for the way I am will at least help me alleviate my beliefs that I am a lesser person, which has led to severe depression. The thought that I may be able to control the symptoms is incredible.
I have learned to cope with whatever I have by avoiding the siutations that cause me the most distress and focusing on the things that I can be passionate about.

I am a 29 year old male who is/ (hopefully was) losing hope of finding any explaination whatsoever.

I have performed the ADD test and got 115, I understand this is high.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

I happened upon this only bc I noticed your name n it reminded me of an old Spades buddy I once had - so I went to your profile. Since this was the only thread you created I thought I would check it out.

It saddens me nobody ever commented back after you took so much time n effort to create this. I apologize for their lack of compassion even though I was not here back then.

As to your post... you went through a lot as a child. I am sorry you had to go through all that. I am no professional - but my best guesses based upon this information are:

ADD
Social Anxiety
PTSD

That is just a guess though. I do hope you decided to get evaluated and that you're doing better now.

❤