[whatforme]

Hello everyone! You can probably tell form the title of this thread what I'm asking so I'll get right into it. First off a little information about myself; I am a 17 year old male and am a senior in high school. Ever since I was a child I have had high energy levels, to illustrate, everyone is at 7 and I'm always operating at 10. Of course there are days where I am tired and a little less energetic, but 99% of the time, I am charged up. I have been told by almost everyone I know that I possess a high level of intelligence. I am an extremely fast learner and absolutely love learning. In class, I focus on what the teacher is saying and absorb it without much difficulty. And even when I don't pay attention in class, I can teach myself most things without any trouble. I am a well-versed public speaker and can hold a conversation with ease. Now, I know that none of this seems to be indicative of ADHD, but I feel that there is something wrong with me. Whether that be ADHD or something else. It seems contradictory, but the biggest issue in my life right now is school. I am a serial procrastinator and I refuse to do my homework when I have more than ample time to complete it. Instead of doing work that needs to be done, I fall into the wikipedia wormhole of information, play video games or do anything else besides what I need to do. The only thing saving me currently from completely failing is my intelligence and good-standing with teachers. I am easily an A+ student but my grades fall into the B, C and D ranges. My school counselor tells me that most of my problems might stem from a lack of intrinsic motivation. I have to disagree with her, I have an incredibly intense fear of failure and inadequacy. I want to do well in school so I can advance to college and make my parents proud. The only problem is I can't seem to do a damn thing about it. It's like I am in a car and I know where I want to go, but someone else is in the driver's seat. I've never really had trouble focusing on things, my problems come from me focusing on the wrong things at the wrong times. For example, today I read about 200 pages worth of Roman politics, law, and Julius Caesar when I have an AP physics and AP statistics final that I promised myself I would study for. The thing that I always tell myself is, "one more page" or "one more thread" but it never stops at one, I fall deeper and deeper. There are a million things going on my head at once and I can never zero in on one thing. My brain always seems to find something else to focus on instead of what I need to do. In terms of my personality and mannerisms, I say things without thinking all the time, I am always the kid in class blurting out things as soon as they come into my head, luckily for me I know what I'm talking about most of the time so I don't look like a complete idiot. I also click my pen a thousand times a second and can never sit still. I can never sleep because even though my eyelids weigh a thousand pounds and my body aches from a day of activity, my brain is always running. It feels like my brain is a computer and there are a thousand programs running at once. There are days where I say things that I don't mean on impulse and there are other days where I sit back and calculate my next move. There are some days where I am actually productive and get things done. But more often than not, I am the epitome of a fart in a skillet. I am a disorganized slob but I hate being disorganized. There are times where I can't take it anymore and wake up in the middle of the night to clean my room, vacuum and all. My teachers have asked me point-blank, "Did you take your pill today?" I pick up skills, become good at them and then throw them away. I learned to do magic tricks, yo-yo and juggle in a month discarded those things as quickly as they came. Occasionally I have an immense amount of self-loathing because I am potentially throwing away my future because I have a lousy work ethic. But when I am passionate about something, I pour everything I have into it. If I do have ADHD, maybe I've learned to channel it and use it to my advantage, but sometimes it gets out of control. I would go to my primary care physician for some advice, but my parents would never allow it. They are conservative Indian immigrants who refuse to believe anything could be wrong with their child.

[Skeezyks]

Hello whatforme: Welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. I'm sorry I cannot really comment with regard to your concerns.

As you no doubt realize, we here on PC cannot diagnose you. Our purpose here is to provide one another with support & to share experiences & information. Perhaps, however, there may be some other PC members who will recognize themselves in what you wrote & who will be able to share their experiences.

May I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

[Teddy Bear]

Welcome to PC