[debbe123]

My 5 year is hitting, and doesnt care. How do i teach him to keep his hands to himself.

I've got a son who has Asperger's disorder and ADHD. He can be very violent.

Something you can try is to use pen and paper and draw to him. Draw with him after something has happen but when he's calmed down. Draw an image of himself and the person he's been hitting and tears rolling down that persons face... draw to let him know where it hurts. Another thing is to teach him to read faces... draw simple faces... smiling, crying, being angry and so on and tell him the meaning of these faces. You can also try for him to point out which face he identify himself with at that moment... all after what you think he can take in at his young age.
It's hard work to do this over and over again... but often it shows result.

Something very important when drawing... is to ever time draw one final image showing the right behaviour and smiling faces telling it's something really good.
Please let me know how it goes...

Good luck! I feel for you in this!

[Rebounder1]

Before you disregard the information that you are about to receive think about the logic involved because this is an important part of behavioral psychology that therapists don't deal with. Basically they don't have the skills. The skill required is to persuade a parent that the best response to this behavior is no response. In order for a behavior to continue, because it is of some value, it has to be rewarded. What ever your response is when he hits, it is rewarding to him. Otherwise he wouldn't do it.. You might as well hand him a piece of candy when he hits you. There is nothing that you can do short of possible severe corporal punishment to discourage this behavior, with certain important exceptions to be discussed later.
Behavior followed by a pleasant or desirable consequence(a reward) is likely to occur again. Behavior that is not followed by a reward will come to an end. It will extinghuish, go away like the dinosoars did. It is of no value. It accomplishes nothing. Being ignored is not a pleasant event. It is an unpleasant event. It is not something we enjoy. It is something we would prefer to avoid as we prefer to avoid any unpleasant event.

Let's assume that your child hits you. You are culturally bound to respond to that behavior. To at least say don't do that, it's bad. That is traditional parenting behavior. It is expected of you. However, your child is not normal If your child hits because he/she has ADHD or ADHD/ODD. He could care less about your opinion of right and wrong with regards to his behavior. He does what works for him and rational discussion or reasoning is a waste of breath and in fact makes matters worse as the joy he experiences from the defiance that he exhibits is very rewarding. In order for him to have this experience he has to provoke you into giving him a reprimand that has no affect on him at all. in terms of causing him to stop the behavior.
What if your child hit you and you did nothing. You looked away, said nothing, just stood there as if nothing occurred?
Whatever the reason for hitting you was didn't pay-off. Nothing changed. Of what value is that behavior if it accomplishes nothing?
There is more to the process. I will go on and finish if there is any interest. You are lucky the child is young. Do something now and be rid of it or it will continue to about age seven and get worse as time time goes on.
Rebounder

[Perna]

Yes, remove some of the attention he gets for hitting, positive or negative.

http://www.positivediscipline.com/pa...nd%20More.html

[Rebounder1]

Positive discipline looks to be fine for a typical child, even a dificult typical child. Behavioral teaching strategies are more experiential, to the point that a situation might be contrived as a means of demonstrating that for some reason a behavior is correct or incorrect, good or bad. If coming home and doing homework immediately and to the satisfaction of the parent results in the time remaining until dinner to be used for Play Station II (for example, because that is the child's choice) you can expect good homework behavior to continue as long as that particular reward remains strong. You don't need to say more than, "When you have finished your homework to my satisfaction you can use the Play Station until it is time for dinner. That could be anywhere from one and a half hours to as little as five minutes. Parents of children with ADHD can appreciate eliminating problems with homework. If it's important like getting homework done don't be stingy about the reward, and don't let traditional parenting values (some would say that's too much games or TV) interfere with completing your mission: getting your child educated. And don't let what other people say about your parenting practices have any affect on you. Folks will say that after a long day at school a child needs a break from schoolwork (2nd and 3rd graders?), some time to play and have a snack. Sounds good but ADHD kids don't transition well, especially from something they like to something they don't like, such as homework. Eat a snack at the homework table if the stimulant med depressed apetite needs one.All ADHD kids with moderate to severe behavior problems hate homework. On day one of the school year meet the kid at the door, walk them straight to the distraction-free homework place. Get the jacket, seat the child and go through the book bag together. Start the homework, straighten out the bag and tell the child the contingency. When homework is done to your satisfaction he can have all the TV he wants until whenever. Never, ever deviate from this routine (as long as no other activity interferes) and that routine will become a way of life. You wont have to say a word. When that kid comes through the front door he will make a beeline for the homework area saying come on Mom lets get started. Don't try to teach him to keep his bag organized. It will never happen, but you can show him what is supposed to be done and he might do it in his teens himself, but I doubt it. Not good organizers, e.g. messy bedrooms. Clean it for him. Have him do something for you in return such as take the garbage bag out to the garbage can. He can do gross motor chores like that and feel proud about helping instead of being *****ed at for a half an hour while you try to get him to put things away in his bedroom. Why does the child do his homework? You make it worth his while. If a child has severe behavioral symptoms of ADHD or ADHD/ODD why should he do anything that you ask him to?(unless he likes it). He won't. His symptoms are in control and if you simply ask yourself what's in it for him to do what you ask you'll understand the disorder a little better. He would rather be oppositional or argue. You might cut him a break and that's probably more stimulating anyway, argueing, etc, and more fun. When you learn to ignore the provocations you'll make that behavior useless right along with the hitting. If a behavior doesn't get anything accomplished the kid will abandon it, eventually.

[altonwoodsdrphil]

Is there a man in the picture? if not, someone must take the position of "alpha male" and lay down some rules of what is and is'nt going to be tolerated. It does'nt have to be done in a "mean: sort of way just a firm boundry for him to be able to count on.

[(JD)]

With any child this age, it is usually the transition between showing how they feel to telling how they feel. You have to access your own child as to where he is in this progression. A child has to be taught how to express how they are feeling. Goodness, many adults don't know how to do this. If he's hitting because he's angry, then he needs to be ok to acknowledge that fact and tell you verbally "I'm angry/mad!" It's ok to be angry, but not to hit is the message he needs to hear. Working with verbal skills will help this along. Also, giving him other ways to show feelings and likes/dislikes, giving him a voice through creative drawing or such might ease this bad behavior.

As with any child he needs to be removed from the situation if he doesn't stop the bad behavior. It may take much longer for him to put the two together, but he will. (Hit, "time out/away") Even if he doesn't learn quickly, it isn't right for anyone to be hit "just because" someone else is having an issue with learning not to. If you don't address it with the other children, they will begin to act out also. (They can't understand something that complicated in it's fullness, to have an adult comprehension.)

Try and see if there is pattern to his behavior. Maybe there is a particular type of situation that overwhelms him more than other times, that really sets him off. Try and prevent that, or lessen it's impact prior to his involvement.

Also, reward good behavior. This takes even more time to be aware and catch him before he acts out, but again, he will learn good response elicits reward.

Sometimes it's the higher intelligence that is causing the behavior, as they expect things to be differently, better, and their frustration level is peaked easily.

(Un)fortunately, it can take another child hitting back that helps the child realize that HURTS!