I don't know how much more our family can take.
My son is in a really bad state. He says he doesn't want to live anymore. He's acted upon his words as well!

Last week he searched for something sharp to hurt himself with... We've hidden all knives and pair of scissors. He got a hold of the type of "knife" you use to smear out whipped cream on a cake with... It's not sharp... but anything can cause damage if you're strong enough using it. He began pulling it back and forth on his throat... before we managed to get it off of him.
Then he threw himself on the kitchen floor crying and said he wanted to die.

We went away on vacation Friday afternoon and got back home at midnight last night. It was NO vacation I tell you! Just horrible! He used a nasty language and was worried about being at a new place and losing the structure. We tried our very best to prepare him before the trip about what was going to happen... but still it's so hard on him.
Yesterday we went to this theme park and that was a total disaster. Leaving the park and walking to the parking lot to our car... he suddenly jumped out in the highly trafficated street (in Sweden's second largest city) I just managed to grab a hold of his arm and pull him back to the sidewalk... Then after walking a few steps he did it again and I got a hold of his shirt which got torn... Both my husband and I had to grab a hold of one arm each and hold him preventing him to it again. My husbands sister was shocked... well we all were.

Then driving back home in the car in the darkness... our son got upset about something we were talking about and opened the door on his side to jump out in a speed of 55.92 MPH. Our daughter screamed of fear and my husband nearly drove off the road. My husband pulled over to the side of the road and got out of the car so "angry" = scared.
When we continued driving I talked to my son and tried to reach out to him. I said to him: "G you don't feel good at all, do you?" He said: "No mom" I said to him that I'm going to help him feel better. He said that he's useless and does everything wrong. He also said that we don't love him.

He sang an "at the moment" song about drugs in the car later on and after a while he said: "I don't know why I sing about drugs... I don't like really like drugs." Then tears came...

He said a few nice words to his sister and then a second later BOOM... the nasty words came back.... It must be so totally exhausting and confusing for him to be like this....

He's been more violent towards us others too. He's bitten his sister and hit me and his dad. This weekend and this morning she tried to choke me by pressing his hands and fingers very hard against my throat.

I've made a couple of phone calls already today about how he's getting so much worse again and what the personnel at the respite have to do. I spoke to his teacher to inform her about the situation... since our son's starting school again in little over a week from now. Tomorrow I'm going to call to see to it that he gets more help. I hate this country and the way people just don't get it! If a child doesn't want to live anymore... THEN REACT- IT'S SERIOUS!!!! Parents aren't stupid and lacking in knowledge!

I'm so afraid of what might happen to my son and about his future!
I love him so so much!!!

In the middle of all this... there's our daughter. I try so hard to give her the needed attention... but how can I give her what she needs when things are like they are?! I love her so much and want her to feel safe.

Our son felt so much better for a few moths this spring... and now...

I just had to get this out… It’s so hard to carry it all inside.

[pegasus]

(((((((((((( Nina )))))))))))))

I am concerned, please get your son to a doctor as soon as possible.

Thank you for caring and replying, pegasus!

I will see to it that I get a hold of a doc tomorrow. (his regular doc is on vacation)

[Fuzzybear]

((((((((((((((( Nina )))))))))))))))

((((((((( Fuzzy ))))))))) Thank you... I need a lot of hugs right now!

[Typo]

(((((((((DayandNight))))))))))))))
I am here if you need to talk..
Sending lots of gentle hugs to you and your family

((((((((((( Silversparrow )))))))))))))

Thank you for thinking of me and my family and offering support! It means a lot to me.

[Scott902]

(((((((((DayandNight))))))))))))))

How old is your son?

Maybe getting him on here talking to some of the great people here may help.

[Adairc]

(((((((((((Nina)))))))))))
I am so sorry you are going through all this.
Here if you want to talk, k?
And praying for you and your family... always.

Thanks Mike for caring! My son is 10 years old. ((((((((((( Mike )))))))))))))

(((((((((((((( Adairc )))))))))))))))))) Thank you for being there for me, my dear friend! I know you're going through a rough time yourself and still you care about my family... I'm thinking of you and yours too.

I'm too exhausted to write much tonight. I've been on the phone almost all day talking to a bunch of people about my son. I just can't find the words or the energy to write more about it right now. I'm drained after banging my head to a brick wall...BIG SIGH

((((((((((((((((((((((((Nina, G, I and J))))))))))))))))

My friend I am so sorry that G is going thru this right now and that your whole family is suffering too.

Poor G must be feeling so bad, confused It breaks my heart to think of him and all of you going thru this and hope you can get some help. G is such a wonderful, intelligent and creative guy, you are fantastic parents and I (not me your daughter),is the sweetest,cutest little girl...... hoping for peace for you all, has G changed his meds again lately?

Sending you a big hug, please know I care and praying for you all, love always,Kerry xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

[Melinda2boys]

I am so sorry to hear that your son is having such a hard time. I am thinking about you and your family and you are in my prayers.

((((((((((Nina)))))))))))))

Kerry thank you for being so caring about my son.
We upped the dosage of his meds but it didn't help.

Melinda2boys... thank you for always walking beside me from a distance. I so value the support you're giving me! I know you're struggling yourself with your boys... but together we will continue day by day.

G had a rough morning and he tried to hurt me... but he's been feeling better during the day.
G and I've been home alone. I had to do like this to be able to help him and let him have some calmness around him. My daughter was at the recreation center today and hubby was working. The special therapist called to see how things were... but still no real help. I guess I'll just have to go to the hospital and camp there if he gets worse again... They HAVE to see the seriousness... I NEED to keep him safe and us others too for that matter.

This evening G came and hugged me several times and he even gave me a kiss on my cheek. I have to save the good moments inside of my heart.

[GiraffeBoy]

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I will pray to our Father in Heaven that you and your family will be able to cope with what you are dealing with. I hope all goes well with you!

(((((((((( GiraffeBoy )))))))))))) Thank you for your words!!!

[LILITH]

Nina you and G are in my thoughtd! Please take care.
Lilith

[Adairc]

Praying, dear one...
(((((((((((hug))))))))))
It must be so very hard. Wish I were closer...

[hurtsme]

My dearest freind,

"G" was doing so well in the spring and starting early summer.. Will never forget the Elvis moves, and the sound of the blues music coming from both of you. You know how I feel about him, has you've said many times to me, how much more do you have to do to find "quality health" care.. Please always know I'm here for you 24/7. You're family is always in my prayers.. Never forget, you're a "great kind loving mom", dispite "G" issues you love him so.. And yes you do show your tender mercies on your daughter I've seen that...

Big soft hugs, always.....

/m

Oh, M! I really needed your words! I'm in tears now... G likes you a lot! He lit up seeing you on cam and playing his harmonica for you.
You're such a sweet caring friend, M. You're right... I love my son and daughter so very much.

((((((( M )))))))))

Altheia... you've spoken to my son several times and he loves you. You've got a very good way with children.
Thank you for your amazing support!!!

Adairc... thank you honey! You make a difference even from a distance!

[monica80]

I can hardly believe he's only 10 years old and experiencing these problems!! =/ I pray that you all kind find help for him, and develop a peaceful home.

monica80 thank you for caring! big hugs

Been fighting for some real help for 2 weeks now. It's been REALLY ROUGH!

I get so angry inside thinking about how cold people can be and how they just seem to not listen.

Anyway... a doc will call on Tuesday and give our son an app to evaluate him and then hopefully see that he needs to be admitted to hospital for some time to look over the meds and help him out concerning his suicidal behavior. Every day has been a struggle... especially the days I've been home alone with both kids. I've had to run around like crazy keeping my son safe. He found the knives we had hidden... so I took Altheia's advice and bought a toolbox with a lock, to put the knives and pair of scissors in.

I'm to tired of all this to even tell you about all the phone calls I've made to I don't know how many people. At least I got an apology from the head of one of the units at the hospital... She thought this was sorted out by now.

The child psychiatric care, they only take care of kids with ADHD and the other unit at the hospital is taking care of Aspergers. That's one of the stupid answers I've received when asking for help with my son being suicidal. I told the person in question that my son cannot be torn into two and that this isn't really about the diagnoses... but about a child who doesn't want to live anymore and that this cannot wait.

Well, well... Sweden and it's healthcare - at least in this region - is just crap.

We've just been to the ER this afternoon and evening because our son suffered from a severe headache. He was totally out of it... couldn't eat... cried... couldn't sit up... fell asleep (even at the ER). He was too exhausted to even get violent or bad in his mouth. Several times he nearly threw up. We saw two doctors and eventually we got a med to our son. We went to the observation unit to wait and see if it was going to work. After 45 minutes the headache began to go away. So this headache was probably a mixture of tension out of all the internal stress lately and a horrible migraine.
My poor son... no real rest... not ever...