Our son almost knocked me down with his clenched fist - giving me a really hard blow on my cheek today. This happened in front of at least 3 of the personnel at the respite... and my daughter. I've so had it!!!! My face and head is aching...

*I only want to feel some empathy... receive some gentle words of compassion, please.*

((daynnight))) Im so sorry this happened
sending you a hug

[starrina]

I am so sorry

My sister told me once God sends his
special children to
his earth angels
because he knew we would understand

I know that it is a very hard road to
travel with our angels but when you need
a helping hand you are very welcome to hold mine
(")~~

(((daynnight))))) and (((star)))) your post reminded of a poem I had posted it in general before. I found it,

I cut this out of the paper when I was 16, why not a clue, Just did.

Must have known. As my son was a very special gift.........as all children are.........

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A meeting was held quite far from earth!
It's time again for another birth.
Said the angels to the Lord above.
This child will need much love.
His progress maybe very slow.
Accomplishment he may not show.
And he'll require extra care.
From the folks he meets down there.
He may not run or laugh or play.
His thoughts may seem quite far away.
In many ways he won't adapt.
And he'll be known as handicapped.

So lets be careful where he's sent.
We want his life to be content.
Please , Lord, find the parents who
Will do a special job for You.

They will not realize right away
The leading role they're asked to play.
But with this child sent from above.
Comes stronger faith and richer love.

And soon they'll know the privilege given
In caring for their gift from heaven.
Their precious charge, so meek and mild.
Is heavens very Special child.

This was written By: Edna Massimilla

thank you both for showing care



I wish you a good evening!

/N

well... after a horrible morning I guess I needed another "blow" in the afternoon...
we got denied benefit money for the extra care we put down to our son and me not being able to work because of it - having to be on top of things... we appealed... today we were turned down again... they stated that our parenting is only under normal responsibility...
normal.. hmm... well ok thank you very much for that!!! I'm still the one having to sort out our son when he's at his worst... I get beaten... talked down at with horrible words... We all live in this family... we all suffer... It looks very good on paper having two assistants in your home... but no no no... that does not let us sit down and just role our thumbs if that's what they think.... We ALL have to work close together - ALL the time!
The assistants have no one to guide them except for me and hubby. This is s h i t!

Face and head still aching and my face is swollen.

sorry! I'm just fed up!

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((((( daynnight )))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry. Here with you, holding your hand

[multipixie9]

Daynnight,

My daughter teaches in high school special ed and I could not do it. However, hearing some of her experiences I get an idea of just how frickin hard it is to continue to take care of someone who is violent and unreasoning. I am so sorry you were hit and abused today by someone you are just trying to help get through life. That totally sucks and I hate that you have to go through that. That is NOT OK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This may sound wrong but have you ever thought of taking some self-defense lessons of some kind??? Being a good parent to someone with autism doesn't mean you should have to be his punching bag!!!!!!!!! It is not ok that he hits you and hurts you so badly it is wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When a person lives with a long-term problem without solutions it wears them down and they can begin to adapt in ways that are not healthy. It sounds like somehow you need to find some way to not have to live in fear of physical battering. That is just wrong!

I wish I had a solution to offer, you definitely have my sympathy!

Leslie

[starrina]

When I was pregnant with my son I was told that he was
sick he has a kidney disorder and needed to have surgery
as a result of this he now has a small disfigured kidney
After all was done I made a claim for help from the goverment
it was not long after that he was diagnosed with
Autisim.
The reason I am telling this is because the goverment doctor
had no idea how Autisim affects anyone so to show them
I made a video tape of a weeks worth of my care
and what i needed to do above and beyond
the "Norm".
Perhaps you can ask again for a review and produce footage to
show them just what it is that you do and
then ask them to show you what it is they consider normal
about your day to day life.

[TrespassersWill]

Originally Posted by multipixie9

Being a good parent to someone with autism doesn't mean you should have to be his punching bag!!!!!!!!!

I know you didn't mean that comment in an insultive way. But as an adult with Aspergers I find those comments incredibly insultive. Aspergers has nothing to do with violence and nothing in the DSM for ASD includes person beating others. I hear it all the time at AS parents meetings. If an Aspie attacks people its because they have some other comorbid disorder like most probably Explosive Disorder perhaps even mixed with Bipolar. Aspergers does not cause people to be violent and most of us on the spectrum are not. Most of us are actually fairly timid. So please don't blame violence on Aspergers. The person is violent because they are violent not because they are autistic. I feel sorry for the parents I truly do. But please don't blame that kind of behavior on autism.

[starrina]

I think sadly we all need to remember just one thing
wether we have aspergers bi polar depression etc
there are so many varients that all fit
I hope this is coming out right
but I know many with this disorder and they all
are different some are
unfortunatly violent some are just passive etc
no one can say Aspergers is only this
way or that way.
Just my opinion

((((((((((((((((((((((((daynnight)))))))))))))))))))

LOTS of to you. I know how hard it can be.

Muffy, thank you for the poem

but I know many with this disorder and they all
are different some are
unfortunatly violent some are just passive etc
no one can say Aspergers is only this
way or that way.

I agree...

"Persons with Asperger's are more different amongst themselves than persons not having Asperger's" said by my special therapist - who quoted a known statement.
This is actually why it is so hard to diagnose someone with AS - we are all so different from one another. But still there are of course things we do have in common but they can manifest in many different ways.

Thank you all of you caring friends and members! Right now I'm in UK visiting silentandscared. This is a very needed "time off" from all the stress at home. I'm having a wonderful time with Mandy and her family. I'll have to try live on the memories created... for a looooong time. It has boosted my selfconfidence going to UK all on my own... I never ever thought I'd ever do something like this. Mandy has been great and her kids... I love them.

[EJ711]

Hi Day & Night,

I know your son has special issues, but the damn brat!!!

One of my long-time friends tells me to get up and fight some more. However, I believe in retreating to my bed for short respites, which help me collect and focus my energy before returning to the fight of everyday life.

EJ

[Pikku Myy]

Hugs!!!!!

[Vaarsuvius]

Originally Posted by multipixie9

This may sound wrong but have you ever thought of taking some self-defense lessons of some kind???

I don't think that sounded wrong. A lot of self-defense places teach that violence isn't a good option and with that philosophy, it would follow that you'd be able to defend yourself without hurting him.

[Rapunzel]

Day & Night,

Good for you for taking some time off! That's great, and you do deserve to be able to live your life and not have to put up with your son abusing you, no matter his age or dx.

Maybe some kind of self-defense or other training on physically managing people with behavior problems would be helpful. When I worked as a behavior specialist, I did work with some people who were physically dangerous to themselves and others. Not meaning to stereotype, but the ones with Autism were often the hardest to handle because with most of the other clients they would get mad and blow up and it usually made sense somehow or could be predicted when we understood their pattern. But the ones with autism might just start hitting themselves or going after someone else and they did serious damage and would keep it up for hours at a time, and couldn't explain why or what they wanted, and didn't stop when we told them they were hurting someone. One in particular really seemed amused by the whole thing and how he got people to react. Very frustrating!

I trained in a system that we used to restrain people when needed, and we did need it at times. One of these clients had broken his own arm several times and had to be stopped from banging. Others would hurt other clients and anyone else around. Hurting anyone isn't acceptable for anyone, and there needs to be a way to prevent it or stop it in the least restrictive and least harmful way possible.

Rapunzel... we're in the process of starting a behavioral program... but during the summer the help is down to zero in this country... so we're patiently awaiting the fall.

Thank you all for being so caring!!!! I need your words!

N