[hbjudo]

i need help i been very low for months yesterday things took a turn for the even worse i thought nothing else would go wrong yet it did and i am back to haveing bad meltdowns wich i thought i might have got over after 8-10 months of haveing bad lows and 2 weeks off college helped but now back its worse it dosent help haveing a ex gf i still love get with a guy on my college cource and both say to me her by fb message as she is at a different college that she stayed yesterday night and they told me yesterday when i was next to him in college that they are a couple now he knew i still love her yet he went behind my back and did this and she was low enought to do it aswell as she was my most trusted friend and it ment i ended haveing a massive melt down and going to hurt him in college she knew i already had plenty of fights with him so why do that to me i now face being kicked out of college as i aready been warned if i fight again i am out as a few weeks back i had a fight with the guy and me going for him yesterday means i am most likely going to be kicked out 2 months before my cource ends i reli want help to get out of this low mood i been in for so many months that suicide and self harm has been on my mind nearly evethry day i just know what is makeing me see bad all the time

[Perna]

You have to turn away from these two people who are together and not being helpful to your life at all. Concentrate on your course and/or make a tentative plan if you do get thrown out, how to continue learning and maybe get back in that course or another in the future.

Besides those two ex-friends, what is your life about? Your course (to learn what?) and what other hopes and goals do you have? Concentrate on possibilities and ways forward instead of bad things that have happened. Yes, bad things are compelling but nothing, good or bad, stays the same/constant. Think of the bad things like weather; there's lots of rain in your life at the moment but I hear this weekend is supposed to be fantastic :-)

[hbjudo]

i cant avoid him if i dont get kicked out he is in all my classes
i still care for her
my cource in past 8 months has been starting to slip my mind i lost interst in things tbh i dont see how i am going to get out of this stupid low mood its been 8-10 months now my meds dont help they make think of suicide more than when off them i hate how things have gone for me all i think is of negative things got no confiedence even my teachers pickewd up on my lack of effort and falling aslkeep in lesson and whe on the horse aswell

[Callista]

First of all, this isn't your fault. People fall in love all the time, and it hurts when things don't work out. Don't get me wrong; that it's normal doesn't make it any less painful; but the answer to "why" is most likely "because hormones are unpredictable, human beings are unpredictable, and you were unlucky enough to love someone who fell in love with someone else instead."

Suggestion: Transfer. Get out of that environment altogether. It is very, very jarring to do; but when you're attending a school where everything is too much to handle and there's no real benefit to staying, the best thing to do is just get out of that place while you still have your sanity. It's probably a good idea to do it before they consider kicking you out--both because you don't want to be tempted to get into another fight, and because, if they do kick you out, it will be difficult to find another school which will accept you.

If you cannot transfer, see if you can switch sections. Your courses may be taught at more than one time during the day. Large, single sections may allow you to sit near the door, come in just barely on time, and be the first to leave. You may be able to work it so that you do not have to interact with anyone at all--especially someone you may want to take a swing at.

Tell your psychiatrist your meds aren't working. There's no good just swallowing them down and hoping they magically start working; they've almost certainly got to be adjusted. This kind of depression is a relatively serious problem, and AS or no AS, needs to be addressed so you can get on with your life. If you haven't got a counselor, get one--meds aren't a cure-all, and if you can attack it from two fronts at the same time--biochemical and cognitive--you're far more likely to be able to shorten the duration and lessen the severity.