[Michah]

Hi everyone,

To save space on PC as it is quite a long piece, I have supplied a link to my blog http://thedemonrun.wordpress.com/2010/09/10/218/ to view this post. I have posted it in the AS/Autism forum, but all responses welcome

Would love your thoughts on the subject as it seems to be a common hinderance or annoyance in some of our lives.

Thanks for your time and take good care of your precious selves,

Michah

[Perna]

I am NT :-) but didn't find anything strange or much different in your shaking hands than what happens with me. No, I don't wipe my hand first but I don't feel I sweat much or have gotten them dirty (but I do worry they'll notice my bitten nails) so I don't have any "reason" to want to wipe my hand? I do all the reminders to look the person in the eye and wonder the same about a new person (friend or foe) as you do and as I suspect most thoughtful people do! If there are more than three people saying goodbye to each other, I "wander off" while others are doing their goodbyes, bored because I've done mine already and am ready to move on.

I don't think sociability has much to do with whether we're NT or have AS but with our background and the personality we're born with. I can be quite clever and witty, for example, have a lot of "charm" but I do not see myself as "warm", do not consider myself good on the sociability scale, despite, like you, having learned more than enough social manners (dinner with the Queen anyone? I know which pieces of silver to use, when).

I think some of the difference is in how we see ourselves. People who feel relaxed in a situation probably see themselves as relaxed people. I was in therapy for GAD and now that I am not so anxious, I see myself as more relaxed and am more likely to initiate conversation, especially with someone I view as more anxious than I. I think we get a "pecking order" in our head when we're young too, as well as having a natural disposition and it can be heck to learn that the pecking order is mostly in our head, that other people may/may not have their own pecking order going and we may/may not be where we think we are overall, in their order.

But I really want to thank you for your thoughtful blog post and for letting me read it, it has gotten me thinking about my own social difficulties (my daughter-in-law hugs "naturally" at the drop of a hat and I feel stiff, too large, and awkward) and how I might help myself feel better.

[birdcrazy]

Holy cow, we have a chihuahua named Coco too! No joke.

I can shake hands fine, but when there are people in a group talking, I can never get my timing right, I can never properly join in on a multi-person convo in real life, chat rooms are a lot easier. In fact at a party, I end up sitting in the corner. I understand

[Xelora]

I liked your description of the "cognitive storms" and can definitely relate. I haven't been diagnosed with AS, but I find myself trying to watch to figure out how people work and why they're relating to this or that person differently and if how they relate to me is par for the course or not and just getting bewildered and depressed over it all sometimes. And just thinking and overthinking. It's annoying. There may be some different things going on with me, but it shows you're not alone and anyway I'm bookmarking your blog!

[silentwhisper]

Thanks for sharing. I teach teens with autism and I try so hard to help them feel relaxed in social settings besides providing the rules of ettiquette. Your blog helped me understand how some of them must feel.

[sane1logic1]

Eye contact is seriously over rated. Look at people's collars. Most people have got an interesting house or something. We can glance in various places. Like everyone else does to be exact.

Here is a true story. My mental health worker looks at the air next to my head when I am looking at his face. And he looks at my face when I look at the air next to his head. So we take turns!

Silentwhisper, at any one time they (like me) are going full tilt in absorbing the sheer volume of sensory impressions.

The goal in turn taking when conversing is purely practical (effective exchange of factual information). It is a good enough way of being socially nice to just respect each other's practical needs.

[silentwhisper]

Originally Posted by sane1logic1

Silentwhisper, at any one time they (like me) are going full tilt in absorbing the sheer volume of sensory impressions.

I often wonder what it is like for my students. I never want to hurt them yet I want to somehow teach them strategies so that they can be independent. I am always open to ideas and suggestions.