Pouting and mood swings?

Morghana · Aug 09, 2012, 07:27 PM

My older brother has autism, and lately, he's been doing this thing where one minute he'll be the happiest person on earth, and then literally minutes later, he slump over, put his thumb in his mouth, and stop talking. Often, he'll just stare at my mother, sometimes invading her personal space, until she asks what's wrong. From there, it sometimes take a very long time for him to tell us, and sometimes, he answers so quietly that no one can hear him. When we finally, finally, finally get him to tell us what the matter is, it's almost always something small: he wants to know whether we can go to a particular restaurant for dinner, for example, or he'd like to go to the pool instead of the beach. Usually, the request is not a big deal, so my parents say OK. If, however, we don't give in for one reason or another, he will be quietly upset for the rest of the day and it's very hard to talk him out of it. My brother doesn't throw loud fits, thankfully, but he can be damned unpleasant to be around when he quietly mopes, stares at you, and refuses to speak.

Basically, my parents are becoming increasingly frustrated (I am too, but I don't have to deal with it as much as they do), but they don't know how to remedy to problem. To give some background, my brother is in his twenties but in most ways, he's very much like a 5 or 6 year old child. I know that it sounds like we're feeding his pouting by giving him what he wants, but it's not that simple: he doesn't make connections the way most people do. If we don't give him what he wants because of his pouting, he won't come to the conclusion that pouting doesn't work. He'll just pout for hours and hours and hours. It doesn't seem to bother him, but for me and my parents, it's chafing, especially when we're trying to do something nice for him and he refuses to appreciate it because one tiny thing is out of place.

Can anyone think of a way to deal with this problem? Anybody have a similar story?

Morghana · Aug 16, 2012, 01:14 AM

I'm sorry...I don't want to be rude, but is no one going to reply to this? Kind of frustrating, you know. My thread and one other person's on this first page seem to be the only two that have received no replies whatsoever. You all really have nothing to say? Fine. If I don't hear anything within a week, I'm going to ask the mods to delete it.

gothika123 · Aug 16, 2012, 02:20 AM

I honestly don't wanna be mean but there is no nice way to put this. The needs to learn that people can't always get what they want,and if the is going to just sit there and pout about it then so be it. When the is pouting don't even look at him cause he needs learn his lesson to he's not gonna make it through life.I apoligize if you find what I said mean but I ya just trying to help

Morghana · Aug 16, 2012, 11:22 AM

Gothika, that's not mean. I don't even know why you would think it was. If that's why everyone seems to be avoiding this question, please note this. No, it's not mean to tell the truth. OK? OK.

I agree. My brother needs to learn he can't always get what he want. But ignoring him--and God, don't think we haven't tried!--doesn't seem to get through to him. He can last for a whole day, and then the next day, he always seems to have completely forgotten it. I have no idea what goes on in his head, and it's made harder to figure out by the fact that his communication is on the level of about a six-year-old or lower.

12:13 PM

People haven't ignored your post on purpose. I think, they don't know what to suggest. Your problem appears complex.

I read your post shortly after you posted it, but did not know how to respond. I still don't, because I don't have an autistic sibling nor have I heard of the behaviour you described in autistic adults. All the autistic people I know are high functioning so I have no experience with this.

The only thing I can say is your brother continues to pout, because it works. I have no idea how to fix this behavior so I cannot make any recommendations. Sorry.

Morghana · Aug 16, 2012, 04:20 PM

I know people are not ignoring me on purpose. It's just frustrating. This is a real issue for us, it took courage for me to even ask the question on here, and I was hoping for some support and getting literally nothing. I'm an impatient person, but I really think this thread would have gone unanswered forever if I hadn't spoken up.

The problem is simple. It's solving it that's difficult, since some of the basic tactics don't seem to work very well.

You don't have to be in the exact same situation as I am to offer some kind of advice. So what if you don't have a sibling who has autism? I assume (foolishly?) that if you are browsing in the autism forum, you probably have some experience with autism. That's all the "expertise" I'm looking for. I asked whether anyone had a similar situation, but it wasn't meant to exclude everyone who didn't. And by the way, I hate the label "high functioning" because it implies that everyone not in that category is "low functioning." When my brother was diagnosed, that label didn't exist.

07:26 PM

I did not have to answer your thread, but I did out of respect. You bumped it and expressed frustration so I thought it would be nice to explain that people weren't ignoring you. Now, I regret it. This is one reason why I am reluctant to help others because my head gets bitten off if I don't give them the answer they want to hear. If you are angry don't take it out on others. It isn't fair.

Sorry for using the wrong term. To me a high functioning autistic is someone who is able to articulate their thoughts. The term actually refers to normal language development. It does not imply intellectual disabilities and/or the impairment that autism can cause, at least to me.

I don't have any experience with the behaviours that you describe. How can I give advice if I have no experience?

I am an autistic person who reads words not their hidden meanings. You asked for help from people with a similar story didn't you?

Morghana · Aug 17, 2012, 01:33 AM

I'm sorry if I came across as harsh. I did not intend to bite your head off. I wanted to hear your response, I assure you, and I do appreciate it. I just don't want to be blamed for being frustrated, and I don't want to be ignored, even if it's not on purpose.

I think what you perceive as harshness might just be a mis-writing on my part: I said "If you are browsing on the Autism forum, I assume (foolishly?) that you have some experience with autism" or something to that effect. Well, that "you" HONESTLY was not meant to refer to you specifically, Didgee Eeyou. I meant it to refer to ANYONE browsing on the forum, i.e. those who pass my question by and do not answer. I wasn't questioning your knowledge or anything of the sort. It was just a poor choice of words for which I humbly apologize.

I'm sorry that I got annoyed with the label. I know most people don't perceive it the way I do, but I think it's very different for people who know individuals not labeled as "high functioning." People love to ask me whether my brother is "high functioning", and when I rather haltingly say "no", I get these annoying looks of pity and people seem to take that to mean he isn't "present" or can't speak or something. My brother does not function or think the way most people do, but it's not as though he's "low functioning." So medical label or no, I dislike the term, and I really hope it goes out of fashion soon. And that's all. Really. I'm not out for blood. Hope you don't think I'm an asshole, but if so, yeah, I see why. Sorry.

-jimi- · Aug 19, 2012, 12:25 PM

I don't agree this is a simple problem. He could just be unable to face not being in control, and that the "small" things feel life altering for him.

Or.. he could have found a way to manipulate the family.

I wouldn't know. I don't know your brother, autistic or not, we all have different personalities and just describing an issue doesn't tell me much about the person.

kathyy1 · Oct 04, 2012, 06:00 AM

Hi friends welcome to this forum..

kittycat97 · Oct 30, 2012, 01:31 AM

Chill guys...are you still there morghana?

kittycat97 · Oct 30, 2012, 01:33 AM

I read somewhere that pouting can be considered as one of the repetitive actions we autistic people do. Maybe it will be helpful to bring this issue up with a therapist. You can also let your brother know how the rest of the family feel and maybe that is isn't a good way to express himself. Suggest other ways of expressing to him too.