[CantExplain]

Hi gang!

I used to have low empathy and trouble reading emotions. I still regard myself as Aspergic.

In group last night, I told the facilitator I thought he was angry. He denied it. Later I told a woman, "I can see the pain in your eyes". She said she was just tired. So the Aspergic has got it wrong again.

Well, there is another explanation. People can be in denial about their emotions and they can also lie to themselves and others.

YOU WERE ANGRY! I SAW PAIN! It's difficult enough being Aspergic without being lied to as well.

Yes I am angry about this. But I, for one, am man enough to admit it.

[Marla500]

Hi there! I would like to suggest that when the facilitator said he wasn't angry, what he meant was he did not want to be angry and he was trying not to be, so in his mind he was not there yet even though it appeared so. Please don't think people are intentionally lying to you about their emotions, it is more likely they are just not in touch with them, or working hard not to have them! and bravo to you for working to understand how people are feeling, that is not always easy

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by Marla500

Hi there! I would like to suggest that when the facilitator said he wasn't angry, what he meant was he did not want to be angry and he was trying not to be, so in his mind he was not there yet even though it appeared so. Please don't think people are intentionally lying to you about their emotions, it is more likely they are just not in touch with them, or working hard not to have them! and bravo to you for working to understand how people are feeling, that is not always easy

Thanks for this!

Children's faces tell the truth, and so does mine. Maybe that's why Aspies look so young!

[Resident Bipolar]

I know, after spending pretty much every day of the week with my friends for months and months, that it's not that people are LYING about their emotions, but more they don't want to go into a discussion of why they are sad.

When I'm depressed I often get asked "What's up? Come on I know you're lying to me Michael." and I will deny there is anything wrong with me. Not because I'm a liar; not because I don't want to talk about it; not even because I'm not in touch of with my emotions - I do it because I am actually known as the extremely funny; cheery; outgoing guy. And I like to hold that reputation...so I hold my emotions back to please all my friends. Even though I know they'd be okay with talking to me.

I used to mistake emotions in people a lot...but now I actually find that I'm MORE attentive to others' emotions than most of the other people I know. At one point I wasn't aware how depressed I was until I saw myself in the mirror. I could see the deep sorrow in my eyes, and it hurt. It really hurt to see me hurting like that.

I find myself crying when my friends cry. Because I'm not always sure how to help them. I care about people too much. I see people sad and I get a gut-wrenching; painful despair myself.

Yeah. Anyway. That went off topic XD Sorry

RB ♥

[-jimi-]

People hide what they really feel a lot by saying they feel something else. Normal people usually actually buy into it, or pretend to to be polite.

I'm TERRIBLE at reading faces, but it is like when I can I can do it better than normals. I can miss things like I think people are angry when they are not, I guess I'm a bit paranoid so when I don't know what they display that isn't clear cut, it is anger and they are teed off at ME... Yea, silly I know... But sometimes when I read people well I notice I'm the only one picking something up. Like in a group and someone says something and look a certain way. And then I tell the others something like I wish they would not lie like that. Because for me it is like an open book. And they totally missed it! For real! I can't believe they can miss something that obvious.

So I guess for me, I don't see what others see but I see what others miss...

Strange indeed.

[CantExplain]

Sometimes the rule is, you're supposed to pretend not to notice. Stupid rules!

[westybsa]

Well Well Well there are several things that I think happen:

1. First off we on the spectrum in general have difficulty picking up emotions or appropriately identifying which one the person is displaying at that particular time. A problem that causes major mis-indentification of emotions for us is that according to the standards laid out by society there are just emotions that we are not allowed to display or talk about. For us we find this very unusual because unlike most people when basically say it how it is pretty all the time, which just isnt a acceptable thing to do according to those neurotypical(not on spectrum) people.

2. Second when people on the spectrum do feel or sense other peoples emotions even if the person is trying deny it, we tend to have a lot more of a response to peoples feelings. This is because of all our hypersensitivity issues, imagine for example your hearing is extremely sensitive to certain things. I for one even though I am almost 21 still hate it when people vacum the floor or when the bass setting on the radio is turned up to even what most people would call normal levels seriously bothers me. The problem is even though we do have hypersensitivity to picking up emotions, reading and interpreting them is something from basically the opposite side of the skill spectrum for emotions. It basically comes down to the fact that the emotions that we usually pick up on are strong or negative even though it may not seem as bad as we think it is.

3. Final thing that I want to say which complicates feelings and emotions for people on the spectrum is that pretty much no matter how hard we try it is extremely difficult for us to hide or mask our feelings from others. This creates problems because most people even some of your closest friends dont really want to know the exact feeling you are having, or the supposed intensity based on facial feature recognition that neurotypicals is which is normally way different from how our intensity scale works. For example when I feel that I am irritated according to others my face appears mad and not only irritated like I really want people to know.

Finally yes facial feature recognition and display is something that we all can improve on but the problem is that we develop this school a lot later than most do and at a time where most neurotypicals would find to be inappropriate. In my personal experience even though this is something most 14 year olds would be able to do effectively and appropriate still for me hasnt yet occurred and Im almost 21, so I guess that things will eventually get better it will just take a lot longer and a lot more effort to learn than most people have to put into it.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by westybsa

Well Well Well there are several things that I think happen:

1. First off we on the spectrum in general have difficulty picking up emotions or appropriately identifying which one the person is displaying at that particular time. A problem that causes major mis-indentification of emotions for us is that according to the standards laid out by society there are just emotions that we are not allowed to display or talk about. For us we find this very unusual because unlike most people when basically say it how it is pretty all the time, which just isnt a acceptable thing to do according to those neurotypical(not on spectrum) people.

2. Second when people on the spectrum do feel or sense other peoples emotions even if the person is trying deny it, we tend to have a lot more of a response to peoples feelings. This is because of all our hypersensitivity issues, imagine for example your hearing is extremely sensitive to certain things. I for one even though I am almost 21 still hate it when people vacum the floor or when the bass setting on the radio is turned up to even what most people would call normal levels seriously bothers me. The problem is even though we do have hypersensitivity to picking up emotions, reading and interpreting them is something from basically the opposite side of the skill spectrum for emotions. It basically comes down to the fact that the emotions that we usually pick up on are strong or negative even though it may not seem as bad as we think it is.

3. Final thing that I want to say which complicates feelings and emotions for people on the spectrum is that pretty much no matter how hard we try it is extremely difficult for us to hide or mask our feelings from others. This creates problems because most people even some of your closest friends dont really want to know the exact feeling you are having, or the supposed intensity based on facial feature recognition that neurotypicals is which is normally way different from how our intensity scale works. For example when I feel that I am irritated according to others my face appears mad and not only irritated like I really want people to know.

Finally yes facial feature recognition and display is something that we all can improve on but the problem is that we develop this school a lot later than most do and at a time where most neurotypicals would find to be inappropriate. In my personal experience even though this is something most 14 year olds would be able to do effectively and appropriate still for me hasnt yet occurred and Im almost 21, so I guess that things will eventually get better it will just take a lot longer and a lot more effort to learn than most people have to put into it.

Thanks!

Hankster is right (PM): bullet points are a sure sign of Aspergers!

[FooZe]

Originally Posted by CantExplain

YOU WERE ANGRY! I SAW PAIN! It's difficult enough being Aspergic without being lied to as well.

"You looked angry to me" would cover what you were actually aware of without adding anything. After that you and the other person could choose either to move on to other topics, or to sort out what you experienced at that moment from what they did.

Originally Posted by CantExplain

Sometimes the rule is, you're supposed to pretend not to notice.

I see that not so much as the kind of rule where there's someone in charge of enforcing it, as a rule of thumb: if you comment on certain things in certain situations it's likely (not guaranteed) that the conversation will go in directions you won't be comfortable with. You then have the choice of steering clear of the subject and not starting that conversation, or starting it anyway and being prepared to deal with whatever it might bring up for you.

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by FooZe

"You looked angry to me" would cover what you were actually aware of without adding anything.

As an Aspergic, I believe that there is an objective reality. I cannot see the world any other way. Anger is a clear and universal emotion. I was there. I saw what I saw. He lied.

[Nihil]

For me reading emotions is more about trial and error, each person is different, and each person reacts differently to situations. I'm not so sure you can say that everyone fits a specific emotional mold that is capable of being read easily.

[CantExplain]

I'm currently working on this with my therapist.
My T thinks I just don't like to be wrong.

[MsMesuggah]

Emotional intelligence is quite different from the rational/logical. I guess what I am trying to say is that people will always have an emotional reaction to what is going on in their lives at any given point... unless one is in the throes of being severely schizophrenic and has the "negative" symptom of "flattened affect". Trying to "read" other people's feelings is useless unless there are actual overt behaviors (crying, laughter, telling you what they are feeling etc.). Some people do "turn away" for want of a better expression, when people try to get into "their hearts and minds".

I guess my point (I am feeling unsure), is that unless the person is emotionally close to you, there is always a chance of the observer getting the wrong message.Emotions are always subjective to the one feeling them. Better question would be... why are you caring enough to mention your perception of another's emotions ? Sometimes, without genuine concern...this can make a person feel like they are a specimen under a microscope.

Shalom

[CantExplain]

Originally Posted by MsMesuggah

Emotional intelligence is quite different from the rational/logical. I guess what I am trying to say is that people will always have an emotional reaction to what is going on in their lives at any given point... unless one is in the throes of being severely schizophrenic and has the "negative" symptom of "flattened affect". Trying to "read" other people's feelings is useless unless there are actual overt behaviors (crying, laughter, telling you what they are feeling etc.). Some people do "turn away" for want of a better expression, when people try to get into "their hearts and minds".

I guess my point (I am feeling unsure), is that unless the person is emotionally close to you, there is always a chance of the observer getting the wrong message.Emotions are always subjective to the one feeling them. Better question would be... why are you caring enough to mention your perception of another's emotions ? Sometimes, without genuine concern...this can make a person feel like they are a specimen under a microscope.

Shalom

This was during group therapy where (I thought) sensitivity to each other's emotions is encouraged.

My current understanding, is that I'm no worse than average at reading people's emotions, but I have trouble knowing when to keep my mouth shut!