[mgran]

Just wanted to ask anyone else out there with aspie/autie children what they thought of something my son said.

He admitted to me that sometimes he wonders if I'm really me, or if I'm a robot impersonating his mother. He says he's only ever wondered that about me, nobody else. He also is going through some extremes of mood, getting so depressed he's mentioned suicide (twice now over three months) though he seems to return to "normal" quite quickly.

Since I have a diagnoses of schizoaffective disorder, and my mother had schizophrenic and bipolar symptoms, I'm understandably very worried about whether he's inherited anything off me.

Might it "just" be issues to do with his autism? Or could he be prodormal?

[Omers]

I would talk to his doctors but I wouldn't worry about it too much.
How old is he? I know around Jr High my ability to self regulate went down the drain and I was an emotional roller coaster. My son is now 12 and he seems to be starting the same thing. IMO we learn a lot of ways to cope with being auti/aspi from infancy through childhood. When the hormones and stuff start changing in adolescents I think that many of the ways we used to cope no longer work... We have to re-learn how to live as an auti/aspi in an adult body. I know for me it was frustrating and depressing because I started to struggle more and more and couldn't understand why things were going down hill.
Also if there have been changes in his world recently stuff like this can happen too.

[roses4me]

Just had to laugh. My son has asperger's but is an adult now.
As a child, He often told me similar things. He also read a lot of science fiction and fantasy. I used to tell him that it would make a good book.
roses

[mgran]

Thank you Roses... that helped me put things in perspective.

The fact is that in other ways his functioning is improving, he now has friends, which is a massive improvement on where he was even a year ago, and in fact he's around with his mates now, bouncing on a trampoline. (Their mother just rang and said that her kids had insisted he stay for tea.)

So perhaps as well as worrying about negative things, I should also look at the positives.

And yes, he does watch science fiction, read "graphic novels" about judge dredd and the matrix, and reads philosophy books (weird, but true).

Thank you both, you punctured my anxiety nicely. I'll still keep an eye out, but I'll not automatically assume the worst.

[roses4me]

so so awesome that your son has friends
congrats to your son, yourself and the professionals that got him there
if he is social with friends, he should be able to function socially at a job also!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
roses

[mgran]

There's an excellent sixth form college where I live that has supportive programmes for kids on the spectrum, preparing them for work, and helping with the transition. We're going for an interview and look round on the thirteenth... I'm really excited about it, since he'll have a support worker assigned to him, a chill out sensory area, and targetted work experience. The academics will be covered, but they're very practically oriented. He might even be given a work placement, so he goes into work a few times a week for the two years he's studying there. They have a lot of links to local industry, and most of their autistic spectrum students go on to get suitable employment. This could be just the transition he needs.

[roses4me]

Originally Posted by mgran

There's an excellent sixth form college where I live that has supportive programmes for kids on the spectrum, preparing them for work, and helping with the transition. We're going for an interview and look round on the thirteenth... I'm really excited about it, since he'll have a support worker assigned to him, a chill out sensory area, and targetted work experience. The academics will be covered, but they're very practically oriented. He might even be given a work placement, so he goes into work a few times a week for the two years he's studying there. They have a lot of links to local industry, and most of their autistic spectrum students go on to get suitable employment. This could be just the transition he needs.

what is a 6th form college? Is it high school or post seconday?
Is this one public or private? What does it cost?
My son is 23. Was unable to finish high school because some of the courses got too abstract. ex. in English class, what was the character thinking. My son would get so upset. If it didn't say specifically in the novel, 'He was thinking....' my son couldn't answer the question. In history, why did the american people.... etc etc
and he can't get through a job interview either
am currently in civil court suing the state for failure to provide services
should win in the next 2 years
it has been over 10 years already

roses

[mgran]

Oh Roses, I'm so sorry.

My son is fifteen, and "sixth form" is post secondary, but before university.

I've noticed that despite an excellent vocabulary and sophisticated grammar he's struggling with certain aspects of English, due to hyper literalism. If he was simply looking at the linguistics of English, he'd certainly get an A. However, the Eng lit part of that course he's currently getting a D at... though the school thinks a C is attainable. In part of the exam, he even managed a B... but his performance is bound to be spotty, depending on the skills the exam is testing, and that's always changing.

One thing I'm glad of is that we accidentally moved to a part of the country with excellent mental health services. I finally got the support I needed to "normalise" again, and my son finally got the help he has been promised for years. If we'd had this help when he started secondary school he'd be doing far better academically... but the point is that the help he's got here has made it possible for him to actually make friends, which is more important in the end.

I really do think that if your son wasn't provided the services he needed you should kick up one hell of a stink. I can see the benefits appropriate services offer, and I'm really saddened that your lad was let down.

It's not too late for him to learn skills like interview techniques etc, but it's got to be harder. One of the major appeals to me of the course I want my son to get on is early intervention and training on things like social functioning, interview technique, etc. (A recent mock interview that he did at school provided an interesting result. The "interviewer" asked, "why do you think you are right for this job?" "Because I've got a stupidly high IQ and I'm crap at lying, so you know I'm telling the truth.") I wonder how often people who are bad at interview techniques just don't know how to "play the game" and say things within normal boundaries?

[roses4me]

If I were the interviewer, I'd hire him. Would solve a lot of problems if employees didn't lie. As for my son, I don't sweat it. What is done is done. The last talk I had with his pschologist a number of years ago was.... sue because when your son is in his late twenties, he will decide to apply himself and the ressources will need to be there... that means 1) a progamme and 2) finances. So I am on track.
Would you do a great favour and give me contact information about the school
roses

[mgran]

Sure... check your pm. We're in the UK, unfortunately, but the website might be useful if you're researching good practice for educating kids on the spectrum.

[roses4me]

drat! I had assumed you were in the US.
Well, at least the school is in English
Who knows, maybe my son would like to go there.

[Omers]

Do your sons script? Most interviews are pretty standard by field. I set up moc interviews with local companies in my field. You learn the pattern to the questions. Once you get the questions you can have scripted answers for most questions. If I can get to an interview I have always gotten the job.
Interviews can also be broken down into formulas for those who are strong in math. Most interview questions come from the application so I always ask for the application and bring it back so that I can study the questions.
It is also important to know going into the interview if you are going to disclose the aspergers. There are a lot of Aspi traits that make us better than average employees.
A skills portfolio can also help.
There is a great program in Florida but the medicaid autism waiver has a huge waiting list. my computer is not cooperating or I would give you more info. I will see what I can find when my computer isn't PMSing

[roses4me]

Originally Posted by Omers

Do your sons script? Most interviews are pretty standard by field. I set up moc interviews with local companies in my field. You learn the pattern to the questions. Once you get the questions you can have scripted answers for most questions. If I can get to an interview I have always gotten the job.
Interviews can also be broken down into formulas for those who are strong in math. Most interview questions come from the application so I always ask for the application and bring it back so that I can study the questions.
It is also important to know going into the interview if you are going to disclose the aspergers. There are a lot of Aspi traits that make us better than average employees.
A skills portfolio can also help.
There is a great program in Florida but the medicaid autism waiver has a huge waiting list. my computer is not cooperating or I would give you more info. I will see what I can find when my computer isn't PMSing

I never thought about scripting. I think there even job search centers that offer that kind of thing for free. Thanks for the idea. I look forward to more info from you about it. Sounds like such and easy thing to incorporate.

I read your bio. It is so great that you had such helpful people come into your life like you history teacher. congrats on where you are now

roses

[Michah]

Mgran....sorry to hear than your son mentions ending his life.....strangely, when I was a kid from the age of about 4, I used to ask my parents why I was here and what was the meaning of this, and seeing as I had no answers at the time and could not complete the 'equation', I told my parents my existence was pointless unless there was a reason for it......and the reason had to be tangible...... so they bought me a university text book on Biology (Sorry, not to make light of it......bit of a morbid sense of humour). It didn't answer the question, but for a time it explained why I existed.

As for thinking that you are a robot, I thought the same of my parents. especially my mother. I used to think that they were droids or something and I do remember feeling quite terrified. I always wanted to be a robot. Mind you, my mother terrified me, which is not the case with you, I am sure.....

Is your son getting help in understanding why he thinks the way that he does? Sometimes projecting a inanimate object (like a robot) on to another person can help understanding of that person. I am 38 years old and I have been doing it all my life. The difference is that now I know when I am doing it.

Take care......sorry if I went completely off tangent but when I saw the word 'robot', I couldn't help myself....

Michah

[mgran]

Thank you Micah, you're comments were actually very useful... I feel it has given me some insight into the way my son's brain works.

[mgran]

Worried about him again. He's made some comments obliquely mentioning suicide or desires for death, and today I found his arms covered in scratches, which he admits he did himself when he was feeling very angry with himself.
Yesterday was a stressful day as he went for an interview about sixth form college. (He did well.)
I'm going to make him a doctor's appointment about the violence and self abusive comments and actions he makes (he calls himself names, as well as thumping his head and scratching himself.) I really hope he doesn't have what I have.

[Omers]

Hugs. Let us know how it goes with the doctor.

[mgran]

Not seen the doctor yet... spoken with school nurse. He's really got to see the doctor now, he came home from a school trip just full of misery... he is completely unable to relate to other children, and they sense it. Put him in a group of his peers, it's like blood in the water, they congregate. He enjoyed the trip, but the journey home was just an endurance test, how long could he put up with the bullying.

I wish he'd just do a complete "blank" as I used to, pretend the little bastards aren't there, but he so wants to be friendly that he just keeps going back for more abuse.

I feel like... I paid fortyfive pounds for my son to be abused, and to come back not talking about any positive thing at all, just how much he hates school.

I'm getting sick of it myself, God knows how he must feel.

[mgran]

Well, I just got an ascerbic and extremely spiteful letter from the school, regarding my son's stress levels in class affecting his course work.

I've taken myself off, breathed, and written a calm response, asking them to come up with some alternatives.

Now, all I have to do is not obsess about this till I'm physically sick.

AAAAAAARGH!

Oh, that feels better.

[mgran]

And now I'm feeling much better... my son started playing piano, and it suddenly hit me... he's performing Beethoven, Bach and Scott Joplin, after only a year and a half's study! Practising became his obsession about six months ago, and wow, has he made progress.

Seeing the calm that playing gave him made me realise that the stressful things don't matter. The school can say what they like, but my boy can study deeply, master a topic, and fully understand it... if it's something he loves.

That's what I have to do, make sure the school, as much as possible, presents him with something he loves.

I'm thinking of cancelling one of his GCSE's that he's struggling with, if the school promise to let him have access to a piano for those hours. That could well give him an oasis of calm, and would benefit his other subjects.

What think you?

[dragonfly2]

I think the piano time at school is a brilliant idea. At one point, my daughter received dedicated time in the art classroom. Art is her muse and helps calm her. The other thing that she found calming was dedicated reading time. She was ahead of her peers academically, but would struggle emotionally and behaviorally as the day wore on, which then got her sent out of class. So giving her set times out the classroom actually helped her get through the day, thus helping her succeed.

Does the UK have special laws protecting students with disabilities? Here in the US, our kids are protected by special education disability laws and we have meetings to set up special accommodations such as these.

[mgran]

Yes, they do have some kind of protection, but unfortunately my son never got his "statement of special needs", because we moved schools so often. At this school it looked like we were going to get it, but then the SENco (special educational needs) teacher became ill, and they haven't replaced her. Now he's only got just over a year to go, and it would take that long to get his statement.

At least the formal diagnoses of dyspraxia and asperger's syndrome have helped him access some help at the school, though not quite what he needs in exams. (His handwriting is very poor. I requested technical support, so that he could type his answers... instead they gave him twenty extra minutes so he could "write slow." What teenage boy wants to spend extra time in the exam hall!)

There's a very supportive college that I'm hoping he gets into for sixth form, with specially dedicated rooms and teaching environments for students with special needs, such as autism. We went for an interview, and it looks amazing... right now it's a case of keeping him engaged in school so he can get there.

[dragonfly2]

Wow. I'm sorry to hear that it's such a long process to get your son the special accommodations he needs. It's a shorter process here - still a bit involved, but it can be done in a matter of a couple of months. My daughter's special education plan moved with her to her new school when we moved across the country 3 years ago. The new school still needed to adapt the plan for the services here, but it wasn't a long qualification process. That's awful that they make him stay late to finish writing instead of giving him the technical supports. If my daughter is having a hard time with writing a lot of things, she has the option of dictating to her classroom aide who will then write for her.

Definitely try to get him that piano time. It may make the difference in getting him through the next year. When will he be seeing the doctor? How much longer for the school year for him before summer holidays? My girls only have about a week left of school, then vacation until the end of August. My younger daughter, who will be 10 on Wednesday, will be moving up to the middle school (grades 5-8) next year, so she's pretty excited about that. My 13 yr old will be in her last year of middle school, so she can sort of help her sister get around a bit.

[mgran]

I spoke with his head of house today about the piano time, and he was very amenable to the suggestion. They're looking into getting it sorted out now. He got eighty percent in a mock exam for science (the real one is on Wednesday) so he's much more confident about that. He'll sit his Geography written, just so that he can prove what mark he would have got had the school organised it properly. That part of his exam can count towards exam entries, the school will write a covering letter explaining what happened.

Things are looking up.

[dragonfly2]

That's great news! I hope they can get him some piano time soon. Good job on his exams!