[MandaMay]

My 4yo daughter was Dx 2 years ago, and since then we have lost total control over her, nothing we do seems to help. Our family members keep telling us we need to be the adults and gain control and discipline her. Thing is we DO.. and nothing seems to work with her, reward charts, time outs, i hate to admit it, but I even had to spank her once because of running out in front of a car and I was so scared it was just reactive, and all she did was laugh and kept running around. Today we got kicked out of the library because of a tantrum... we have read and re read many books, have talked to "officials" and no one can help us curb her behavior and help us show her why her behavior is harmful to herself, and sometimes her little brother. It seems as if everything we do is erased when the attention moves on... It is affecting the family very drastically, her father has threatened to walk out, her brother had been hit in the head with things, and I feel like I am loosing control and I am so tired, both physically and emotionally from having to deal with this. Help anyone have any suggestions short of giving her away for someone else to raise (which has been suggested, and HELLS no she is MY child!)

[OctobersBlackRose]

Question, you say "aspie" but is it possibly more of "classic" autism?

Iam not a parent, so I can't give you any sound advice. But what I will say is first I feel for your situation, as a child (Im only 20yrs0 I have had severe behavior and social problems, but being it in the 90's no one though much of it even my school (I was an angel in school though), they seen it as my vision impairment or I was a "brat". Nothing as (I don't know how to say this right), but not as severe as your daughter's behavior, but my Mom just could not control me no matter what she did, groundings, time-outs, rewards, yes spankings a lot of them (not abuse) etc.

But she never and still hasn't given up on me is what Iam trying to say, you are NOT a bad parent, it seems as you are doing your very best to keep your daughter out of harm and teach her to exhibit proper behaviors.

And it is B.S that no-one can help you, there are resources out there, but don't give up she is only 4yrs old. I have faith in you, hugs

[Big Mama]

Heave you tryed the Kazdin theory. It is a touch reward type thing. ex. rub childs head, say
'go get your cars up". afterwards a high five and a hug. You do alot of rehersal and touch for rewards. ex. kiss "we are going to be quiet at the library, Lets go in and pratice." GO in spend 3 min. Come out. I am so proud of you high five and a hug. "Do you want to try again." That was lots of fun lets do it again," If they say no. Then don't. End on that good note. If yes then Immidiately go in and do it again maybe 5 min. Leave, hug, high five. If it is not successfull then don't scold. Just leave and say we can try again tomorrow or the next time. Make positive reinforcement doable and thee sence of touch often helps certin types of over sensitive kids. My son has aspurgers. A form of autisim. I understand about kids having no sence of fear. I hope this is helpful.