let me get a take on this...

Hi all,

So, last night I am at a get together at a friend's house. He and his wife are seperated, but still do some family social functions together. Both are nice people, and her personality is loud, and a sense of humor where she comes off a little obnoxious at times (when her brother gets a little nutty, she'sl tell him "you're an a-hole").

The evening was moving along, everyone drinking a bit, and some of the younger crowd was showing my friend (the host) how to play beer pong. Me and some of my work crew were on the pateo by the door (way on the other side from where beer pong was happening, but we could see it), and one of the guys says "I bet he gets the ball in the cup" just as Mrs host was going inside, She tunred around and said "no he won't. He's a loser." It was hard to tell if she meant it in joking (the way she calls her brother an a-hole - the tone was similar), or if she really thinks that of him. Two of Nr host's sisters were sitting behind me, and one said "he's not a loser."

Really not a big deal - he told me last week that she's a pain in the a--, so they are even - LOL, but I'm not sure if she was just being funny, or if it was a mean spirited jab. What do you all think? Admitedly, I hate the word loser my niece and nephew were never even allowed to use that word in my house when they were little.

I should add that razzing each other may be what they do (this is really the first time I have seen them at a function like this). He and their son are going to the Grand Canyon, and he was joling, saing "I'll be the fat guy..." (I didn't hear what he said next), and she threw in "you'll be he one with the oxygon tank." And he said (in a jovial manner) "you're supposed to be on my side." They have a weird (complicated) relationship, to say the least.

Thanks!

hi frito! long time no see! wow, that sounds like the kind of "humor" I grew up with, my brother was five years older than me and we watched comedians on the Ed Sullivan Show always insulting people. So he would insult me and I would insult him back. But a boyfriend in high school told me it wasn't nice. He came from a much better educated family than I did. And my current T finally had the nerve and the caring and the insight to teach me that such remarks are hurtful and aren't done between people who truly care about each other. It's funny, but they're not comedians on a stage, they're a family at home. My feeling is, such a remark should be followed immediately by a hug! like the oxygen tank joke. but many as you quoted here, like a-hole, should not be said at all.

You wrote an excellent analysis of their relationship!

It is very difficult to judge other people's relationships.
If the brother doesn't mind, then let it be.

I've known people like this. If at all possible I avoid them because their nasty comments upset me, even when those comments are not directed at me. There are some people who have the idea that voicing whatever thought comes into their heads no matter how cruel is healthy (because they are not 'keeping it inside'). I'm of the opinion that nasty comments breed more nasty comments, til the person gets into a groove of nasty thinking.

I agree with not allowing children to call other people (or themselves) 'loser.' I would rather spend my life in happy interactions with people. Spouses should build each other up, not tear each other down.

That's my take on things.