I know people my age diagnose themselves a lot and that if you read up on symptoms then you can convince yourself that you have the disease – I just wondered if I should consider bringing this up with my doctor. I’m not asking for a diagnosis (I know nobody can online), I’m just curious as to whether any of you think this could be Asperger’s.

For all of my life I have felt completely different from everyone around me like I have a special purpose and there’s nobody like me in the world. I don’t “connect” with people and I don’t see the point. I also find it hard to trust others and I have always avoided social situations because I feel overwhelmed and really paranoid/anxious. I've never fit in anywhere and I laugh at inappropriate times but I can't help it (like my emotions aren't appropriate for a situation). I talk over people and can get really loud if I want to be heard. I feel that maybe others are robots and I'm the only "real" person. It's really difficult to explain, which is probably why a lot of people call me unique. Some of the obsessions are good however because I'm extremely passionate about art and it's something I have always been determined to pursue as a career. I'm thankful that as a young child I would have rather stayed home to draw cartoons/write stories than go out. People also tell me that I'm gifted in art and music. I still love Disney and stuffed animals and people think I'm childish though I feel nothing like anyone my age group (I get along with adults better). My moods can swing from self-consciousness and being quiet to being really hyperactive, talkative and loud (I also feel very angry when people interrupt me, though I apparently interrupt others a lot and start shouting to get my point across though I don't realise it). . Since a very young age I have had bursts of energy during certain emotions (like rage) where I have to take it out on myself (self harm – biting, scratching, cutting, hitting etc) or I feel overwhelmed and have the need to scream. I also have problems with aggression and being agitated. Little things set me off (for example if something isn’t where it should be) and I am extremely impatient and get frustrated really easily. I’m irritable and find it hard to concentrate/focus on things that don’t interest me and I frequently zone out/start daydreaming. If it's something that I enjoy, like space for example, I focus on it a lot and seem weird to others because I know a lot of detailed facts about the subject and I go all loud in class telling the teacher what I know.

I rely on my mother a lot, though I try sometimes to be independent. It's not that I can't do it, it's just like my brain won't do it. I can't really describe it. I have excellent memory for small details and I see patterns everywhere/meaning in things like how they are placed or where they are etc. I love numbers and colours and number plates.

I have loads of rituals and compulsions (I have diagnosed OCD) as well as obsessions. There are some specific subjects that I am deeply interested in for no apparent reason. I read up on them all the time and go on about them to people (trains, astronomy, I had obsessions with the bombings of Hiroshima/Nagasaki for no reason, video games, dinosaurs were a huge part of my life – I knew all of the names and ages/diets by the age of 6 etc). I wouldn’t stop talking about these things and they would make me happier than anything else could.

I have a very large and vivid imagination (this is obviously a good trait, but it was on the symptoms list) and have always been really good at pretending and imagining things/drawing/art. I would become so immersed in my pretending/imagination that it would seem real to me (actually running around making lion noises like a wild animal at the age of 12 and I was bullied for it). People tell me I have above average intelligence though I don’t have much common sense (I’m really clumsy). I bounce my leg up and down, pace around and rub my hands together (sometimes I don’t even know I’m doing it) because it feels better and uses all the energy I feel. I’ve also been told I’m really strange and eccentric though to strangers I’m usually “aloof and distant”. I also hate looking people in the eye and I have problems with authority figures like teachers because I've always been defiant for the sake of it.

I have always felt SO ANGRY and frustrated if I was listening to music and in the background I could hear noise. Same with bright lights, I can’t stand bright lights or loud noises in the background because they affect my concentration completely. I don’t do much for personal hygiene (only what you really need to do I guess) and I like routine – I have to know what we’re going to do, when etc. Most of my days are exactly the same routine – I feel out of sorts and anxious if they’re not.

I've been stared at and insulted for acting weird. Sometimes I'll just randomly make strange noises or I'll flinch for no reason. I also squeeze my eyes together when I'm anxious and I hate people hugging me (unless it's my family - people I trust). I'm also very sensitive and impulsive (though I try to come across as tough, my feelings can be hurt). I also think way too much which keeps me awake at night. I repeat myself a lot though I don't realise it and I am extremely stubborn - I don't take to change easily. I can take jokes as insults and take things literally which annoys some people and I don't ever ask for help. I prefer doing things alone than with others. I've been told on numerous occasions that I blow things out of proportion and the smallest things make me really depressed.

In this test I scored 171 for Aspie. http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php I know online tests don’t mean anything but I’m just putting that out there.

Is it possible that I am? Should I talk to my doctor about it or not?

Anyone reply?

I don't know if you are or not. Your behavior could be due to many different reasons.

[NeutronStar]

When I read this I was extremely surprised. Everything you just said relates to me. I am socially awkward, laugh at inappropriate times, LOVE astronomy and physics and just about any other thing that could interest someone, so I research it all the time. I think I have above average intelligence, and have been told it before, because I have vast amounts of knowledge on specific subjects (space) that people always think I'm weird for.... yet I am also very clumsy. I always drum with my fingers like I am playing the double-bass peddle on a drumkit in some death metal to try and get out all the energy I know i have, but don't know how to express.

I find it hard to trust people, share my feelings etc. I don't understand human emotions at all yet notice all the small things people do all the time - including things that they would hate for someone to realise. I also get along better with older people than my age group (they're all so immature and self-absorbed.) I also think that I could be the only real person on earth and that everyone else could either be a robot or a figment of my imagination, which would mean that you are just a subconscious representation of me allowing myself to see how I really am (even though I just explained that poorly) - Descartes, the philosopher, had some quite interesting theories about this, even though in the rest of his life he was a massive ****. Vivisectionist? Really!?

I also notice patterns wherever I go, whether they're social, to do with numbers or even graphical. And number-plates.... I thought I was the only one!!! Whenever i see a number plate I run it automatically through my head against my internal "database" of categories "definitely recognise" / "slightly recognise" and "new to me." I will try to make my own patterns with the letters and numbers by giving them meaning as well.

My educational psychologist thinks I'm a very nice, polite person but said almost the exact same thing about me as you mentioned; saying I could come across as "aloof and quite cold towards others" when really i do care about other people, just don't know how to show them this. She also believes I am on the aspergic spectrum but I have had no official diagnosis. -Though it feels good to know that there is someone out there so similar to me.

Good luck in life, my friend. You are not alone

[5norlax]

You should add writing to your list of good things you can do. I as well could relate to a lot of what you were saying, and with my compultions and hyperactivity OCD never came up. What I have been told is that even self diagnosed aspies and clinically diagnosed either way you can still try to make changes in your life to help cope with stuff. I often too laugh at inappropriate times and feel the need to look at others to try to understtand what I should be feeling...and still I lack emotional identificatio, empathy, and aren't the highest in the social skills area. If a diagnosis will make you feel at peace, and gives you more hope and understanding..maybe its worth bringing up to your doctor. I like that you shared, sometimes talking but stuff can be really difficult, I give props. Stay strong..my therapist says "people are as norm as norm is...so what's normal?" When I feel isolated or detached, which I think is a common symptom. Good luck! Stay strong

[annes3rdchld]

The best online test is called the Aspie-quiz. Type in those exact words and you'll find it. you van also try some aspie forums. Learn about aspergers from those who themselves have it-i learned a lot particularly from other aspie women, since it can manifest itself slightly differently in women.