[wickedattraction]

So, when I was 2 I apparently banged my head against the wall, and had meltdowns. I was interested in only my abilities, and not interacting with other people my age (this was in preschool) I had motor skill delays which prevented me from learning how to swim or ride a bike. I had sensory issues like certain sounds that would irritate me (when I was 3 kids were singing happy birthday, and the notes of the song irritated me so much I threw a major fit, which caused me to get kicked out...and again in another preschool) I was dxed AS and ADHD when I was 4, because of that. Certain smells like certain types of paper or metal irritated me so much I couldn't eat around them, or else I felt like I would throw up. To this day I have OCD like symptoms if I touch something that smells unpleasant to me, I feel like I have to wash my hands immediately, and I am sensitive to loud noises. I took things like criticism personally because I'm assuming a part of the brain didn't register it fully - so I had meltdowns because of it. In school, I was hyperactive to the point where I was almost out of control, through second grade. I don't know why this was the case, while at home, I was fairly neutral - I suspect an anxiety of some sort had to do with this. I was on 30mg of adderall from ages 8-12 which made me rapidly mature and calm down. I had to start attending a special education/behavioral needs private school ever since I was 9 because according to my mom, "I couldn't function at public schools, my anxiety was so bad I was $#%^ myself every morning since the fourth grade, and if I stayed I probably would have become retarded or killed myself". Draw your own conclusions from that. I wouldn't say my social issues were that bad (from what I remember), although kids at public schools usually thought I was weird, but that was mostly because teachers treated me like an autistic, and I apparently needed an aide in elementary school (grades K-4) because "teachers and the public school board didn't know what to do with me". I did ok in private school (elementary) socially, I made some friends and people generally had nothing bad to say about me - and I didn't really need any special accommodations other than mild speech. Also, three years ago, I developed a tic where I blink and move my eyelids to the beat of a rhythm. But the funny thing is, I can control it, in public, or even alone - it just occurs when I get stimulated. I was wondering if this had to do with AS, ADHD, or some type of anxiety or OCD. It developed at a really dark time in my life, so it must have to do with some type of anxiety. I guess I tap my fingers to the beat of something in my head, which could be a stim - but I got interested in drumming a few years ago, and I was trying to teach myself the basics of percussion, which is how this 'tic' developed, and I think I got stuck in this rut of tapping my fingers - so I'm not sure if this says much.

Also- something that does seem plausible for the AS case to me - I have no idea why, but looking at older videos or youtube clips of older television graphics, from the "analog" era (90s or early 2000s) tend to freak me out a little, it could be because I compare those algorithms to the current ones, and the stark difference feels eerie to me. Also older technologies like old cell phones, analog television sets, etc. make me feel a little uneasy, but it isn't too debilitating to my life. I suspect a reason why has to be tied to my early childhood - memories of how things were back then, and things were rough, for me, but things were different in my family, for the better - and I think a part of my subconscious is reminded of how things were back then, so whenever I run into an old commercial or whatever, I get these nostalgic subconscious flashbacks? It's either that or it has to do with AS or some sensory issue - I have other specific phobias like hearing voices on the phone in a calm environment (at night), or seeing my reflection in the dark. But, it isn't very crippling in my life.

However, looking back now, my AS traits have really diminished, to the point where I was getting re-evaluated for AS a year ago (I don't remember where, but it wasn't by my shrink) and I was denied within 5 seconds. The only things that really stick out to me are the intense interests (which are really differentiating, by the way - I think my interests have been expanding lately, so I'm not so sure about this), and the sensitive hearing/slight sensory issues, and maybe the fact that I look younger than my age - and unless I'm misinformed, some cases of ADHD also have sensory issues? I don't always like change because of anxiety - but I can tolerate it and adapt, I don't usually melt down, I rationalize it. I've also learned through self reflection that my thinking has gotten very abstract - something that AS people have trouble with (so I've heard). I know that AS is something you can't outgrow. But I think the things that REALLY explain my social awkwardness stem from anxieties and depression and other things that made me lose interest in life, which left me with barely anything interesting to talk about with people, blah...I'm going on a tangent. Bottom line is I intuitively feel that if I become more balanced as a person, to the point where I'm actually comfortable with my interactions. I've read on message boards like here, and Psychforums, and others, (correct me if I'm mistaken) that a lot of people with AS can get really good at the socializing thing, but it always seems to take a big toll on them, and they have to withdraw into their habitat of special interests and stems and potential meltdowns, etc. I don't see this happening to me. So is it possible that I wasn't really AS at all, and had some considerable ADHD dx, or some weird *** case of GAD or some novel anxiety disorder? A weird combination? Or could some AS people relate to some of my childhood symptoms - which ultimately means I probably did have AS after all?

Can any of you relate to any of this? I decided to re-post this in the AS forum as suggested by someone on the ADD/ADHD forum.

[rosska]

Hi there, that was certainly quite a read.

Firstly, the best person to tell if you are on the spectrum is a professional, none of us can really say that you are or are not based on symptoms alone. The reason I say that is because the whole thing about the 'spectrum' is that it's not a fixed list of symptoms which mean you for sure are on it. A lot of people on the spectrum have varying symptoms and at varying degrees of severity.

I can relate to some of what you mentioned from your childhood, however as I said that isn't a sure fire guarantee that you're on the spectrum. It could well have been a mix of your ADHD and possibly an anxiety disorder of some form.

Problems with early motor skill development are more so linked with Autism than with AS, generally those with AS don't have the same early developmental problems which is why it can be harder to spot it early on.

You are correct that any ASD is a life long condition, though some people are able to learn to 'cope' with it better than others. This may simply be down to the varying degrees of severity, or perhaps some people are just better at adapting than others.
I know that for myself at the age of 28 I still can't look people in the eye or hold a conversation unless the other person continually guides it along. I can't deal with change to my routines without having a meltdown (a lot of the time, I can deal with the change better after the meltdown but never before, it's kind of like it acts as a 'reset').

I have seen people with AS who are able to have full fledged conversations and even hold the attention of an entire room full of people, but yes they usually have to do a lot of stimming before or after that to deal with the sensory overload and the other issues that arise from social interaction.

Sorry that I can't be more helpful.

[wickedattraction]

Originally Posted by rosska

Hi there, that was certainly quite a read.

Firstly, the best person to tell if you are on the spectrum is a professional, none of us can really say that you are or are not based on symptoms alone. The reason I say that is because the whole thing about the 'spectrum' is that it's not a fixed list of symptoms which mean you for sure are on it. A lot of people on the spectrum have varying symptoms and at varying degrees of severity.

I can relate to some of what you mentioned from your childhood, however as I said that isn't a sure fire guarantee that you're on the spectrum. It could well have been a mix of your ADHD and possibly an anxiety disorder of some form.

Problems with early motor skill development are more so linked with Autism than with AS, generally those with AS don't have the same early developmental problems which is why it can be harder to spot it early on.

You are correct that any ASD is a life long condition, though some people are able to learn to 'cope' with it better than others. This may simply be down to the varying degrees of severity, or perhaps some people are just better at adapting than others.
I know that for myself at the age of 28 I still can't look people in the eye or hold a conversation unless the other person continually guides it along. I can't deal with change to my routines without having a meltdown (a lot of the time, I can deal with the change better after the meltdown but never before, it's kind of like it acts as a 'reset').

I have seen people with AS who are able to have full fledged conversations and even hold the attention of an entire room full of people, but yes they usually have to do a lot of stimming before or after that to deal with the sensory overload and the other issues that arise from social interaction.

Sorry that I can't be more helpful.

So what did you relate to?