[rosska]

So this time every year for the last 6 years now, my mum and my gran go on holiday to Turkey. This gives me the house to myself for three weeks of the year, it's the only three weeks of the year I can ever truly have total time to myself without having to think of anybody else being in the house, having to adjust my sleep to fit them, eating when they are hungry, not showering in the middle of the night and generally just not having to speak to people at all. I look forward to it so much!

But alas, every single fecking time, my brother decides to turn up unannounced. My brother who hasn't lived at home in 7 years, he has a flat in a city about an hour away and a job and a life of his own. But for some reason, whenever my mum goes on holiday he turns up.

I know this may sound selfish, or silly to some people, but I actually hate it. Waking up this morning with a clear plan of action in my mind; have something to eat with a cup of tea (the usual morning starter), have a shower and get dressed, help mum and gran with their final packing arrangements, take them to the airport, come home and have some dinner, relax and enjoy my first night of peace and quiet all to myself...

Then I wake up and hear my brother's voice booming through the house and with it goes all sense of purpose for the day, my plans are scuppered and I feel crap. After a few minutes I start thinking, "It's fine, it's only a day, you can do it all tomorrow", so I ask him when he's heading back up the road, to which he replies "erm, not sure really, not back at work til Thursday so I might just hang out here, I'll see how I feel"................. I actually want to get in my car, drive away and never come back.

Why can't people, even my own family, ever seem to grasp that "I don't know" or "I'm not sure" is not an answer I can process? It's something that throws my brain into turmoil because now I can't make any plans, I never know if he's going to be here, or not. If he's going to have friends over, or not. If he's going to need to eat dinner that I'm going to have to cook, or not. I don't live on "I don't know, let's wing it", I live on "this is my plan for the day, none of it is optional and times are to be followed to the letter". It's how I survive the chaos of the world, by having my little corner where things go to plan.

Sometimes I really wish I could live on my own, have my own place and my own space and never let a soul enter it. But sadly, I have major anxiety problems caused by a mixture of my AS and OCD and when I tried living on my own before, it did not go well at all so I had to move home. But living in what was the 'family home' seems like it's an open invitation for anybody to just turn up and it's considered totally acceptable.

Sorry, I just really needed to rant somewhere that people may actually understand how this feels for me.

[-jimi-]

If it happened to me I'd be so disappointed and possibly extremely stressed. If I had looked forward to a great time of relaxation and it was taken away I would feel nothing short of terrible. I would probably feel like the universe can't even allow me to have this....

I had a similar situation recently. I rent and some stuff had to be repaired and at first it would take like an hour, then suddenly it would take a week and now it will take like 3 weeks. When I heard it would take a week and after 3 days of their messing around I had a breakdown. I was so worn out and stressed I felt like I had just ran 100 miles.

The repair guy thinks I'm insane and claims people are able to live a PERFECTLY NORMAL LIFE no matter who is in their apartment or room and if they come and go etc. I was stunned. I mean even a normal person would have an issue, right? I mean I just have a stronger need of privacy but who the heck would want to sleep or change in a room full of strangers??????

[H3rmit]

Wow, I totally relate. I guess it's your parents' home and they welcome him there, but maybe you can make them understand that this is YOUR break time, too, time to be alone. This is something you value greatly.

[Pandoren]

Urgh I'd hate that too... In fact, whenever my brother comes to visit I avoid him and haven't spoken to him in years now. I think if I was stuck in a house with someone I didn't want there I would either cold shoulder them or get verbally aggressive until they got uncomfortable and left. The latter would probably occur if they didn't remove themselves as a result of the former.

[rosska]

It's very comforting to see that it's really not just me who feels this way. Some people really just seem unable to understand what it feels like for us. Routine isn't something we do for fun, it's what we do because we have to maintain the order somehow and the world is a damned chaotic place.

I really thought that after my official diagnosis, and then all the information given to us by the support groups, that maybe they would finally understand that and realise that unannounced visits and undecided lengths of stay would not be good for me. But it's like talking to a brick wall sometimes.

@Jimi, I'm really sorry to hear you're having such a big disruption with the work just now. That would drive me absolutely crazy. I think you're right though, I doubt even somebody not on the spectrum would be comfortable with that situation.

@H3rmit, yeah it's the house we grew up in and for the last 7 years it's just been myself and my mum living here as my dad passed away the same year my brother left for university.
I can understand it better when my mum is here, because he's still her son and she obviously wants to see him. But I've tried explaining to her that when she's away, I value the time to myself and relish every moment of it. Sadly, she's apparently unable to convey this to my brother and whenever I try it turns into a fight, which just leaves me feeling worse.

@Pandoren, That's usually how I handle similar situations, but it normally results in a fight which only makes me feel worse in the long run.

Thanks guys.